10/12/2022
I am wanting to engage anyone who is interested in a discussion and sharing of personal stories to support a book I would like to write on Strengths-based Neuro-Divergence. Whilst I note with interest that there is more being written and spoken about in terms of understanding those of us who don't match a neurotypical description, there is a world of controversy around these differences.
If you are a young boy who has poor impulse control and can't sit still and concentrate, the label ADHD is more easily given. If you have the more extreme forms of autism where you rock or bang your head or are so obviously socially unskilled with an accompanying gift for some specific area, there is more likelihood that you will be described as autistic and given a diagnosis. These stereotypes, whilst based on real people, have become the benchmark for measuring ADHD and AS. I am not alone in wanting to challenge the stigma of these labels and diagnosis, and change the language of the descriptions to something that doesn't immediately pathologize.
Psychiatry has a long history of binary thinking, putting people in boxes and in my work I have always been much more comfortable with a Venn diagram approach, a systemic perspective of how so many aspects of our lives shape our amazing and vulnerable brains, and that we need to look at the overlap as well as the differences. This is a work in progress for me and I want to collaborate with people who are exploring this professionally and personally.
I have learnt a lot in the past years - from my family, myself, clients and friends and I am still learning. In the area of neuro-divergence, there are a lot of us who work backwards, because depending how old we are there was literally no understanding of these differences when we were growing up. So when it emerges in our children or relatives, if you are open to that process, it is interesting to trace the lineage!!
There is so much I want to say about this topic I decided it would be best to write a book!! In fact I had taken time off to do so, but as John Lennon so famously sang "life is what you're doing whilst you're busy making other plans," so life hasn't gone according to "plan" this past year and that's OK. I hope now it is time to begin.
So here are a few preliminary thoughts - for those who have already worked with me they won't be new, but I hope you have embraced them. The very first thing is let's get rid of the "d" - when you hear a description as a disorder it is the first red flag to say there is something wrong with me. It really pi**es me off!!! Homosexuality in this country was seen as a mental disorder ( and still is in many other countries and the religious right here), for much of our history, and finally it was recognised as a normal variation of human.
In the meantime they performed electric shock treatment, lobotomies, castrating drugs and other cruel and inhumane methods to try and make us the "same" as heterosexual people. Of course it didn't work, because it can't. However as soon as you call a different way of being in the world a disorder, you are privileging another way - usually the dominant status quo - in this case heterosexuality. For trans people it is about the expectation that they retain their cys gender, although it hasn't felt like their right identity, and for AS or ADH people, the negative comparison is privileging being neurotypical.
ADH in my language stands for Attention Divergent and Highly Sensitive not Deficit and Hyperactive. Language is critical to how we develop a sense of self. Therefore I would prefer to use highly adaptive when talking about "neurodivergent people" who have developed more skills to "blend in" to a neurotypical world, rather than high-functioning, which is a comparison that denotes that being neurotypical is better.
Same with diagnosis - different brain wirings are not a disease - I believe passionately that in the interests of personal growth, self understanding and being able to find pride in one's identity, it is good to know and understand your neuro-divergence, but I would prefer the word "recognised" rather than "diagnosed". I repeat I don't see these ways of being in the world as a disorder. They have their super-powers and their struggles, just like all humans, but being neurotypical is not a benchmark for what to aspire to as the "best way." It is another way of being in the world.
I have been blessed with knowing, living with and working with some extraordinary human beings who have helped me understand more and more about this territory... my book won't be a research based work. I will draw on that where I can, but I know in the area of women and girls in particular, there is still so little known. I see my writing as a contribution to what I hope will be a burgeoning area of personal reflections and scientific brain-based exploration over the next few decades. However my own ADH brain is much more interested in stories, ideas and theories than engaging in research.
I don't have the answers or facts for the most part - I have over forty years experience as an educator and psychologist to draw on, I have my own intensive therapy journey and I have the experience of uncovering neuro-divergence in my family and realising that I too am an ADH woman. Whilst I didn't know it for most of my life, there is no shame in discovering that, just curiosity and lots of Aha moments!! I find understanding oneself and others an exciting process.
I particularly want to understand more about the Dualies - the ADH and AS combination - because whilst there is an overlap, for instance a hyper-focus capacity that can be awe inspiring, there are significant differences. My pet hate is when I start talking about it, the comments like "But aren't we all a bit on the Spectrum" or "No way, doesn't that apply to most people" or "Well I can be like that and I'm not ADHD or on the Spectrum!!" Why I struggle with these comments is that I don't have a quick and easy answer to explain. The best I can do is say - it's not a checklist, it's a cluster effect - it needs time and exploration to truly understand - for instance not all Aspies have poor eye contact and some do, so it is part of their "cluster description" but take it in isolation, it is easy to dismiss.
We are complex. Our role in the family, the kind of work we choose, how we are treated by others and most of all the impact of trauma all shape our malleable brains, and will create differences. I love continuums - every human behaviour and emotion is on a continuum, and within AS and ADH there are continuums, so as we seek understanding of difference, we must not dismiss diversity, even amongst diverse populations....for example we can make some generalised statements - the way people develop protective mechanisms to cope with unresolved trauma vary enormously, but all trauma survivors develop some capacity to dissociate to cope with what was unbearable at the time. That is an example of a healthy generalisation.
In the territory of neuro-divergence I will venture to make some generalisations as I go that underpin these ways of being in the world, but do not dictate all the variations. At the end of the day the identity descriptions we explore for ourselves are only as helpful as the growth they give us. When I realised I was a le***an it helped me understand myself better and over time feel better about myself and proud of who I am. I know that didn't happen for everyone, but that is largely because of the stigma and shaming about being different.
I will never force a description on you, because it is not my story to tell. I may raise the possibility and if it is unwelcome as has happened in some instances, then I will let it go. Because I don't get to define you. Some people, especially in the autistic community have drawn parallels with coming out as LGBTQI and being autistic. I get it. Apart from the research increasingly suggesting that neurodivergence and LGBTQI are more highly correlated, the heart of the matter is learning to feel and say This is my identity. It is different from yours. I am proud of who I am.
I look forward to having online and private conversations about this with whomever wants to participate. As I go along with my writing I will be putting out particular questions and ideas that I will invite people to respond to. Remember there is no wrong question or response - the exception is if people are derogatory or abusive about someone's ideas. This has to be a safe space for discussion.
