10/10/2024
I find this holds very true. When we feel triggered, it’s usually an opportunity to see what still needs to be healed within us.
Before you get all up in arms about others' crappy behavior, hear me out.
Yes, people do & say sh*tty things to try to hurt people (and they do it without trying to hurt people, too). But as adults, we actually do have a say about how we respond to 'offensive' behavior, and how it impacts us.
As an example, I run this account and have had plenty of rude comments and messages. Maybe because my words go against their worldview or they're reading it in a sensitive moment, they don't understand what I'm saying, or they just flat out disagree with me.
For the most part, while it's annoying, I generally don't care all that much (if they're overtly rude, I'll block them)...UNLESS it touches on a nerve that on some level I believe is true or exposes an insecurity. And usually when I feel defensive, I know it's struck that nerve; it touches on something that I'm afraid of.
The anger and/or defensiveness that arises is protective of this tender part of me.
The same is true for many of us - if someone you don't know says something horrible about you that has no basis in reality and is out of context, it's much easier to let it go and let it be their issue. Because, more often than not, when someone is launching aggression in your direction, it's a misguided/less effective attempt at their own self-protection or to meet a deeper unmet need.
I think that can be helpful to remember when we feel offended or triggered in interpersonal dynamics to return to ourselves first - what about what they just said/did feels 'true' to me?
And what about that is painful?
Where might I have felt this feeling before?
What am I afraid of?
So much of our work with other people simply comes back to first knowing, understanding, and holding compassionate space in curiosity for ourselves & our feelings. Being in relationship with others, especially those who are very different from us, is often the best mirror for helping us to better know understand who we are and what we care about. Knowing ourselves can help open us to having more compassion and curiosity for others.
If you'd like some help learning how to navigate conflict and hurt feelings in relationship, the Relationship Management Workshop begins November 14. Last time I'll be running this one, and spots are filling up!
https://theeqschool.co/relationship-management-workshop
