27/07/2015
PERSPECTIVE - Sometimes in life you fail more then once, sometimes you can get so beaten up that your vision or goal becomes cloudy and you feel like giving up. Sometimes it takes a trip to the looney bin to realise that you are the master of your own destiny.
I look at the photo below and I see myself in two completely different places. On the right, whist happy and content with my daughter my mind is in turmoil I have lost sight of the big picture and my dreams have all but left me. I drink to forget and I want to forget everything, I am on enough medication to kill a small elephant but if you give me more ill gladly take it. I am sick, I have dug a hole for myself that is impossible to escape from and although those that matter to me try and pull me out I resist. I am hiding behind a mask I have spent a lifetime creating for myself.
The picture on the left is two days old, I have been alcohol free for nearly 3 weeks. I have trained and eaten properly every day, I am down to 3 tablets a day from 9. I am still sick but I have found a light, I took a step back and realised that life is worth more than what I had become willing to give it. I have battled with myself for years with mental illness and only today I have changed my perspective. There was a little more light at the end of the tunnel today and for the first time I realised ITS ALL ABOUT THE JOURNEY, it might be fu***ng hard but I am not at a destination, Im just passing through. Being unwell is a test, me throwing it out there right now is a challenge to myself and anyone willing to join me. It is real, it has consumed my life, it has consumed the lives of those I love.
I know there are many people out there that will understand. I know there are some people out there that are still digging that hole. Please know you will never be alone and you are always welcome here. Spartan Tough is going to create big things I promise and I want to take you all to the top along the way.
Stay together, Train together, Fight together.
SPARTAN THE F**K UP!
-Chris.