East Coast Transplant, A Widows journey Vpg

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East Coast Transplant, A Widows journey Vpg I have just moved to the East Coast as I deal with the realities Grief, becoming a widow, losing our business, home & COVID forcing a change & a move.

I am no professional, but I talk about my grief and my recovery.

22/09/2024

Triggers
Suck
Recovery is work

28/06/2024
24/02/2024
It would have been Bob's 82nd birthday today. We always had big parties for him, this was just one and it was during a g...
20/02/2024

It would have been Bob's 82nd birthday today. We always had big parties for him, this was just one and it was during a giant snow storm! Two of the grandkids played in the apartment supervised by my niece and nephew and the rest of us Cooked our meal under the supervision of chefs. It doesn't hurt so much to remember these wonderful celebrations. Anymore but it's still a bit of an emotional day. I will find a way to get out into nature to celebrate.
Happy Heavenly Birthday to my husband Robert ❤️ Cusson

30/01/2024

Does anyone else think in song?

29/01/2024

Excellent and positive post about the loss of a mother

27/01/2024

Here's a question...
Does anyone still email their partner? Or loved one? I do. Not that often now, but our granddaughter is turning 16.
Life is odd. 🙃

27/01/2024

Bob and I always made the bed. I have done it all my life...still do. Except when I was low.
I began to realize it was a warning sign. If I stopped making healthy decisions that early in the day...where was it leading.

Great tools
02/01/2024

Great tools

If someone wants to be right, why wouldn’t you let them? Please respond. xo bk ❤️

Join me live every M, T, W from 9-10 am PT: athomewithbk.com.

I was moved this morning...to go to the ocean and play with the seaweed. It ended up becoming a dream catcher. I offered...
02/01/2024

I was moved this morning...to go to the ocean and play with the seaweed. It ended up becoming a dream catcher. I offered my pain and negative thoughts and dreams so it could take them back out to sea with the tide. Moving away from negative thoughts and emotional pain takes work...and tools and support.
Love to everyone ❤️😎

It's okay to talk about people that are no longer with us, in fact it's a great idea! Dont be nervous about saying the...
15/12/2023

It's okay to talk about people that are no longer with us, in fact it's a great idea! Dont be nervous about saying their name or smiling about something they would have enjoyed. 🥰

Some days I just miss him... those are harder days. It doesn't mean I don't love my life now, you can love more than one...
14/12/2023

Some days I just miss him... those are harder days. It doesn't mean I don't love my life now, you can love more than one person at a time .
For my friends that are in couples this is a reminder to always let people know that you love them and take those few extra seconds for a kiss goodbye every time. Or a hug, that works too.

29/11/2023

When I believe my thoughts, I suffer. When I question them, I don’t. And, I’ve come to see this is true for every human being. xo bk 💞

Don't miss Byron Katie LIVE every M-T-W, 9-10 am Pacific Time. Register: athomewithbk.com

As Mr Rogers taught us, look for the good. Especially when you really are having trouble seeing anything but pain.
14/10/2023

As Mr Rogers taught us, look for the good. Especially when you really are having trouble seeing anything but pain.

10/07/2023

No matter how much I am enjoying life now and the people I love in it, occasionally I still get devastated by grief.
Its a journey

Lucky Shot Tonight! Rainbow and Rainbow Pride Flag
27/06/2023

Lucky Shot Tonight! Rainbow and Rainbow Pride Flag

Ready for a different life? Want to live and work on the ocean?Listed on the business exchange for $899I do hope to find...
30/05/2023

Ready for a different life? Want to live and work on the ocean?
Listed on the business exchange for $899
I do hope to find a buyer who wants to take it over as is but I'd be happy with anyone who will enjoy these incredible views and life here.

Live and Work on the Ocean in beautiful Cocagne, New Brunswick.Thriving ...

Lol
28/05/2023

Lol

Take a look and tell me what stage of awakening you are in.

I think sometimes I jump back in forth between 3, 4 and 6.

What about you?

Have a wonderful weekend!!

Why I find being in nature a wonderful place to heal. Here's a few images of just some of the things I had the pleasure ...
28/05/2023

Why I find being in nature a wonderful place to heal. Here's a few images of just some of the things I had the pleasure of experiencing this week.

I had a great 3-day getaway in Cape Breton and I can enjoy it now because of the work I've done which really includes my...
26/05/2023

I had a great 3-day getaway in Cape Breton and I can enjoy it now because of the work I've done which really includes my latest teacher Michael Singer. Here's a quick video to give you some idea of what he's about. All these lessons are free on YouTube and even this course that he's talking about 3 years old. If you're curious have a listen.

The mind can be a dangerous place...or a great gift. In this video Micheal Singer walks you through how our consciousness handles the states of our inner and...

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Videos

Oysters and meditation #michaelsinger

First day the water's open, you bet I got myself out there. Two pairs of pants and my big rubber boots #griefisnttheend #kayakmeditation #cocagne

Morning thoughts... Just missed it # griefrecovery #healing #sunrises

Having some profound late night sadness, then realized the date, my wedding anniversary would have been Wed. I purposely don't think about those dates because it hurts too much. but I guess my "pain body" thoughts wormed their way in anyway. For a bit.

As I've gotten emotionally healthier I find I don't post here as often. There's been so many changes and I've met so many different widows and I hope to continue to do so. But I may discontinue this page as I try to simplify my life from extremely complex and full to a more simple but still full life. Feel free to follow me personally if you don't already do as that seems to be where my journey gets shared more. One thing is for sure I have had a lot of people help me on my journey from friends I just met the night before Bob's stroke, to new friends here in my new home of New Brunswick. As I move forward I have to let some things go, and that includes my identifying first as a widow. It is always going to be part of me but I'd like it to not take Center Stage so much. Happy New Year everyone! I'm enjoying this slightly noisy yet wonderful storm. Here's a little video listening to the freezing rain hit everything. I never thought I would actually enjoy my own company again and feel safe and happy but here I am.

Healing from my grief here has been an amazing adventure and I continue to challenge myself. One day I plan to film the sunrise out on the kayak from the other side of the island or at least near the open ocean. Too nervous today so I took pictures of the sunrise and then I go kayaking later. I never thought I'd be able to do these things by myself.

I just had to share this beautiful video of this evening. Dealing with a few things today letting go some more clothes how is always a trigger. The good news is, when the emotions come that panicky feeling, I find my breath get centered and do my best to carry on. It's getting faster that I return to normal with the focus being now in my life here which is amazing. And coming home to this View and sitting outside really helps. It seems like my advice is always go to Nature now. LOL

I'm working on my website and compiled some sunrise shots and the promo piece for the front page, so I wanted to share them here too. Being surrounded here in nature has been a huge part of my healing. The variety of colour in the different shots all pretty much out of the same window from my apartment.

Doing new things sometimes has a surreal quality still... I'm headed back to Ontario for the first time since selling my home and leaving everything I know.

I'm coming back to visit Ontario!

Tonight I went for a long walk. Everyone here locally that is in my life is busy so as I walk I talk to myself I talked to Bob. I'm in such a different place and I'm still learning to enjoy just being alone and doing things on my own as well as joining a new people. It's realizing I'll never be the same and that's okay. But I'll keep adding to my life and my life will change no matter what. Plus I get to see cool things like this when I go for walks.

Today's project since the plumbing is still happening next door I have no plumbing skills... I attempt patio cushions covers! And if you don't know me, understand that I do not sew. Ever. But when I went into buy the fabric and told the ladies this they begged me to try that staple gunning was not a good plan. This is definitely not a one-day project but I will post updates. Trying new things.

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Why My New Normal?

Nov. 1st, My husband Bob had a stroke, the bad kind, in the bad place and it took 3 months of me sleeping in a hospital chair and having a nervious breakdown before the doctors finally admitted he was not going to get better, more infections, more pain, more brain damage from the bloodpools that were still there. This was not how Bob wanted to live.. painfully, not himself, in bed and not able to think or remember me or his life. He never ate again and passed away at Dorothy Lay Hopsice, a wonderful place that I think saved my mind.

Our love was great - his second marriage but a different one, no children, fun, adventure, trying stuff out, being kids, playing hooky to go to wine taskings, road trips to the grand canyon all while working for ourselves. I am 55 now - Bob died one month before his 77th. Birthday. In our time together I have been between 315lbs and 165lbs - more than once. So yes... lots of other life topics too. We had almost 19 years of adventures together. My souls is crushed by his absense.

My pain, my grief, my world has all changed. I quite my part time BIA Job that I loved, I closed our on line toy store, my friends, family and community gathered round, supported us, physically, financially and spiritually. They saved my Christmas orders so I wouldn’t loose everything. But as much as I made plans for him to come home... he died after just 4 days in the hopice.

So - everyone says new normal? I try to heal, join councelling - (I have lots of experince on the couch) and I am finding my way but then COVID Isolation. F**K - this is hard enough - Then my Mom Dies. F**k - no funeral, we did see her to say good bye but someone tested positive at the home - so we spent 3 nights worrying till the test results come back.