Claire the Humanist

20/06/2025

I know, I know. I've been absent from the griddy part of FB for AGES. Nothing personal, I just don't like you, that's all. No offence.

Kidding.

I've been dead busy but I've got 5-10 cos my laptop just ran out of power so let me introduce GarJo. They don't call themselves that, I did cos I'm hilarious etc etc.

Gary and Jo are lovely people. Their wedding was beautiful, sunny and absolute chaos thanks to their wee boy wanting in on the action. Hard to be mad at the cute hecklers.

The big silver ball is a clootie dumpling*. The box underneath also contains dumpling. Granny made one, uncle made the other. That can only mean one thing...Duelling Dumplings™️! (similar to a crumble rumble but stodgier) It's about the most Scottish thing I can imagine, fiercely competitive dumpling making. Death to the loser/a lifetime of shaming at all family occasions awaits!

*If you're not from these parts, a clootie dumpling is a spiced fruity pudding, boiled in a floured cloth or 'cloot'. The cloot is removed after boiling and traditionally the dumpling is placed by the fire to dry out the skin. Mmmmm. Boiled fruit pudding skin. Mmmmm.

Speaking of dumplings, it was a treat to see .films and again. Sure they have lovely fire-dried skins too.

18/06/2025

Hurrah!

29/05/2025

Watching Dept Q and I think I've been away from Edinburgh too long. The accent sounds weird.



Tom and Holly got married in Edinburgh, at the very atmospheric Ghillie Dhu. Tom had two Best Men, one of whom was a pleasant chap, the other, my brother in law. Lols. Lots of fun hanging out with Ross and my sister for a bit and not at all unnerving to have them in my direct line of sight for the whole ceremony.

Poor Holly and Tom had to deal with my weird 'if March 2023 was a sandwich...' metaphor. And accusing Mercedes Benz World of being the most aggressive theme park. AND a whole load of other much lovelier things like the very romantic group effort proposal and how having a baby is brilliant and getting married is the best because balance, yes?

Those are not acceptable crisps to eat in close company on a hot train. Rude.

19/05/2025

HuMayNist #19 Writing Process

You know how the only clips comedians post of themselves are of old tours or the pre-set crowd work? That's because the gig they're about to do, the one you've paid to see, is a tight hour of well-honed, as good as gets hilarity that will be the same, give or take a couple of heckles, every night. For the whole tour. They've perfected the beats, the pauses, the arc and that's the show.

Or you go to see a play. There's a script and the actors have learnt it and the stage is set and that's what you'll see on opening night Saturday and the Thursday matinee and all the shows in-between.

I guess I could do that. I could deliver the same thing, over and over and over. A Vegas residency without the tigers. It would be okay except... I'm not the headliner. People aren't at weddings to see me. I am not Adele (third time today I've said that). Your people are at your wedding to see you. You are the Dream Boys in this chaotic metaphor.

So I talk about you. I write about you. You are having something written, just for you. A piece of original writing all about you.

Thankfully, you help me with it but still, imagine having to come up with a new show or an hour of new material every week. Sometimes three, four, five times a week. A different show every time.

Hello. It's me. (Again, not Adele).

I'm in no way comparing what we do to a professional funny person or Michael McIntyre. I'm not claiming that we do comes anywhere close to a one woman Prima Facie or a two shows a day Starlight Express.

But what the best celebrants do is write cleverly, deliver authentically and do this differently EVERY DAMN TIME and when we do, it's an absolute blast.

18/05/2025

18/05/2025

HuMayNist #18 Celebrant behind the scenes

I could post a photo of me fannying about in my comfy fit, gazing into the middle distance, thinking about my car snacks. Standard pre-ceremony BTS pose.

Instead, here's a screenshot of a podcast where they're discussing what happens just before your ceremony starts. Forty five minutes in and nobody's down the aisle yet. There's such a lot of logistical stuff involved at the beginning of your ceremony that's sooooo boring but utterly essential. You could call it choreography. I don't because I'm more auteur roadie than Abby Lee Miller but it is really important so, way before your wedding, we chat about your ceremony coordination. It gets you thinking about it, keeps me right and makes everything run just a little bit smoother.

Points to note:

'Smooth' always makes me think of hotdogs in a jar.

Andy just walked in to me listening to this and fell asleep standing up. Woke up, muttered something about dhal in the microwave and not enough hours in his life for this energy sucking nonsense.

There is a lot of traditional, heteronormative chat in this podcast, most of it around English registrar-led weddings which are a million miles away from Scottish humanist weddings. You can do whatever you want to arrive at your ceremony, just get there and think about it first. Be smooth. Like a hot dog.

16/05/2025

HuMayNist #16 I'm currently working on...

It's May. I'm just working. A lot. All the time. There's a word mountain to climb and I'm lead Sherpa.

Cards and kind words much appreciated.

14/05/2025

HuMayNist #14 Motivation and goals

Motivation is a funny thing, isn't it? Takes many forms. I'm a fan of the self-bribe: finish this paragraph and you may have a nap, knock your pan in today, garden centre scone with ya buddy on Friday, just one more tiny bit of admin and you can look at wool on the internet for a bit. Mmmmmm. Yarn.

On a deeper level, I am very much propelled forward by your trust in me to tell your story well. No chance I'm slacking when I remember your little eager faces, all excited about your Big Day, or the relieved smile of someone whose emotional burden has been slightly lifted.

It's a lot of responsibility. Tends to make you want to do your best. High pressure when you only get one shot but an exceptionally high reward when it all comes together.

13/05/2025

HuMayNist #13 How I Learned

Humanist Society Scotland has its own training team. Our latest batch of baby celebrants have successfully navigated their funeral training and are about to learn all about conducting Humanist weddings. That's exciting, isn't it?

At every step of the learning journey, our new colleagues draw on the experience and knowledge of the existing squad through training, mentoring, shadowing, assessment, reviewing and beyond. I did that when I started a hundred years ago and I'm super-excited to be a mentor this time around. Haven't done it for a while, last time was with . Might explain the gap...

Anyway, looking forward to learning from the noobs. Fresh perspectives are always welcome and they're an interesting bunch so this should be fun.

12/05/2025

HuMayNist #12 Tools of the Trade

Behold! A typical day in the search history when I'm writing weddings. All of these things made the final cut apart from Icelandic Jumpers Meaning (cos they don't mean a lot) and the Home Alone Bandits (reduced to standard bandits). Proud of me.