14/04/2020
A Really well written article about new babies and sleep.....I remember the ‘night dread’ so well. Stay safe everyone ❤️
Late afternoon and evenings with a baby, especially a fairly new one, can be, well... challenging. To put it politely.
A large percentage of babies seem to change at this time. Change their feeding frequency, their feeding behaviours, and even their temperament.
They often want to feed almost non stop, and yet when they do they get frustrated and upset.
Pulling on and off, crying at the breast, tugging and hitting, even pushing away despite showing feeding cues. It feels like you can't please them or satisfy them, even though you're responding to their cues. They're fussy and cranky and even plain old upset and crying. It can feel like they're rejecting you, and it's horrible. They seem like they're tired but when they sleep it's for a few minutes before they're up again.
Rest assured this is really common; hard, but common.
So what's going on? Well, it's partly to do with those pesky hormones I'm afraid.
We know that mum's hormones fluctuate over the 24 hours, and its seems that late afternoon/early evening time is a difficult spot. This leads to milk supply running not lower, but seemingly much slower. Breasts often feel soft and empty, and this can be really unnerving for parents, especially when their baby is getting pretty peeved off at the breast, or wanting to be there relentlessly. It can add to that nagging feeling of ' I don't have enough milk'
But breasts are never empty, milk production continues 24/7. It's just this weird time of day when it all goes a bit mad.
The behaviours that babies exhibit at this time are stimulation behaviours. A little like kittens kneed at the breast to encourage milk flow, human babies pad and fist the breast, but also tug around, come on and off, squirm and fuss. (You'll notice these behaviours during growth spurts too. All messages of 'I need more milk to flow mum!')
What doesn't help, is that this hormonal change not only seems to affect mum physically, but emotionally too. Tearful, irritable, vulnerable, paranoid...a range of negative feelings seem to hit hard.
Whenever I talk about this with new mums I see an absolute lightbulb moment happen in their face, often followed by the words 'I'm so glad it's not just me' or 'that explains so much', even sometimes tears of relief.
Another phenomenon that ignites the same spark of recognition is the 'Night Dread'.
As the day heads towards the night, no matter how well you've been feeling during the day, fear about the night starts to set in.
A feeling of 'I can't do it, please don't make me do it' seems to loom over. It's common to feel quite resentful at this point too.
During the early weeks a massive amount of changes happen, and babies brains are developing seriously fast. As they spend more time waking up to the world and alert, they're taking on board a huge amount of stimulation. Noises, sights, smells, feelings, there's a huge amount going on and it's a lot for them to process. By the time you get to the evening they're absolutely wired. If you've ever experienced multi sensory overload try and remember that feeling and can understand why babies are pretty cranky by the end of the day.
As with a lot of these things, they can't necessarily be solved, but having knowledge about them, that they're normal, and you're not alone can help enormously.
What can you do to help?
Try and head towards the late afternoon having eaten and drunk plenty. You definitely don't want to go into it 'Hangry' Try and have easily grabbable one handed snacks dotted around the place.
Make sure baby has had plenty of sleep during the day. This is often at the breast, but any other way that they sleep is fine too. If you can manage a sleep during the day that's fantastic too.
Skin to skin cuddles with baby can really help calm you both, and cobathing can be lovely and soothing too.
Get, and use, a sling. Not just in the evening but during the day too. That closeness and comfort will help support them to rest and relax which can lead to an easier evening.
Offer the breast frequently, and try not to worry if they are unsettled when they're there. But don't assume if they rejected it ten minutes ago that they don't want it now. They can be really fickle in an evening.
And reach out for support. Family, friends, a postnatal doula...anyone that can help you out with whatever you might need.
Were your evenings difficult? What helped you get through? What advice would you give to new families?
