29/11/2023
UPDATE ON MY GRIEF AND LOSS POST:
My dead husband has liked my post😢
How is that possible ? Because whoever has stolen Tom's FB account and changed his name to LOOK has liked my post. I guess it's the same person who stole the passwords from my iPhone back in January 2022 (2 days after the floods - just 2 people onsite that day).
LOOK SPARROW - what you are doing is a crime and people will learn who you are if they haven't worked it out already 😂 Despicable, evil behaviour.. you are risking your reputation which surely is important when you work in tourism!
The post Look Sparrow liked if you haven't seen it already:
GRIEF & LOSS - THE IMPACT ON MY MENTAL HEALTH
Add to the mix:
* My husband Tom died a few months before Covid - it was a very lonely time, two seasons without guests.
* Having to start civil and criminal cases including requesting the prosecutor investigate Tom's FB account being hacked.
* Discovering in August this year that my phone had been accessed 2 days after the floods (14th January 2022) to obtain my passwords. My messages were being read since that time (screenshots have been taken of several hundred of my private and personal messages with my family, friends, guests and my therapist and some were sent friend requests - it's not rocket science to work out who the culprit is). Plus I was tracked, traced and followed!
* Being threatened, hence I moved off site. One of the threats was to get me deported!
* Being accused of stealing toilet paper, mosquito repellent, alcohol, umbrellas and even an iron! How dare they when you consider all the things of mine that went missing, particularly from March this year eg iPhone (my Apple ID has been taken too causing horrendous problems with other devices), iPad (precious photo's of Rebecca on it that I have't got elsewhere), AirPods and much, much more. Even the key to my room went missing and copies of legal documents! I wasn't allowed access to the security cameras - I was too overwhelmed, couldn't think straight, with everything else that was going on to consider reporting it to the Jandarma at the time. When I moved offsite I didn't take everything but have heard that Tom's valuable trumpet has since gone missing! I hope precious things of Rebecca's - moulds of her hands and feet done the day she died, first shoes and some favourite clothes - are unharmed.
It's been more than annus horribilis as the Queen said in her Ruby Jubilee year November speech - 1992 !
I’ve participated in a lot of grief & and loss training, workshops etc since Tom died. It was quite an eye opener, so many different types of grief. It was quite a shock to realise that it’s not just the loss of a loved one that we grieve for, we can also grieve for the loss of our health, losing a job, losing our home, separation or divorce, and so much more - hence additional grief for me with all the issues regarding Spectrum Turkey and me moving off site.
Many people might not even realise that they are suffering from grief - covid caused massive grief world-wide.
We are told there are stages to grief but it’s not as simple as that, there’s no set pattern, it’s not something you get over, or recover from! Time is a healer – really? Many people prefer to turn a blind eye to the subject of grief, can’t face talking about people who have died. Many feel uncomfortable and rather than talk to someone about their loss, avoid them which can be very hurtful for the person struggling with their grief.
Some friends of mine, who have children the same age as Rebecca, didn’t keep in touch. One friend told me they thought it would be too painful for me to know what was happening with her son (we are back in touch now). Another dropped off my radar, they didn’t like the new me, grieving mum – her daughter gave birth recently. With losing children, we always think about what might have been, what would they be doing now - we expect to lose our parents but not our children.
There can be many painful additions to your grief too eg the medical profession made a mistake, or a few, as they did with Rebecca, or it was due to a traumatic accident. And it’s exceptionally hard for the parents if the child took their own life.
Everyone’s grief is different and we cannot compare, nor should we judge. People grieving need help and support, to be surrounded by kind and caring people.
I highly recommend the book Joy Beyond Grief and the online grief & loss sessions the author, Janice Thompson, runs. Her Grief & Loss courses and workshops are excellent too.
One aspect of grief I wasn’t aware of is brain fog which can be huge and more so depending on your age – there’s a lot more known now about the menopause now! I personally don’t remember brain fog so much when Rebecca died but suffered from it in particular after Tom died ie when having to fill in forms (some took many months or even as long as a year for me to deal with). I was incapable of making decisions and especially about running Spectrum - it felt overwhelming. Understanding Turkish bureaucracy was beyond me. I just couldn’t handle it.
So my mental health has been at an all time low these past few years. I reached out just over a year ago to various therapists because I knew there was something wrong with me, I just couldn’t cope with how miserable I felt day after day. I had constant suicical thoughts, or simply wishing I was dead or wouldn't wake up.
Grief can take you to rock bottom that’s for sure.
I did find joy and happiness again after losing Rebecca – I met and married Tom, we moved to Turkey and eventually created Spectrum, our pride and joy. So losing Tom was incredibly tough, my life was him and Spectrum. And losing Tom reminded me of my loss of Rebecca – I had very little help and support after she died, just a few weeks of counselling. I’d kept myself busy starting a Stress Management course just a few months after she died. We think it is a good thing to keep busy but we are simply burying our grief which will resurface at some point in our lives - feelings buried alive never die.
As many of you know I lost my 5 year old daughter 23 years ago. I am sure you can imagine how I felt when I learnt about a recent comment in reply to criminal court papers my lawyer submitted: how could I still be grieving for my daughter all these years later! Also I didn’t grieve for Tom because I went on holiday! What a despicable person he's turned out to be and yet so kind, caring and supportive in the beginning!
After Tom died Spectrum didn’t feel the same …. I didn’t think I could cope without him, run it without him, hence I put it up for sale. I did get some help to manage Spectrum which seemed a God send in the beginning, especially after the floods, but sadly some “help” turned into my worst nightmare - in fact my life was totally destroyed.
Enough for now, maybe I will post more detailed information regarding me feeing the need to move off site. I did not feel safe and was treated very disrespectfully, like a criminal eg my bags, car and rooms would be searched!!! I was scared and fearful for my life - it's true that hit men, mafia and death threats became part of my vocabulary!
