A Bit of My Story......and Why I Do What I Do03/11/2025
What do you mean by "It's just me"??
Ever gone into a restaurant and the hostess ask you how many in your party and you respond, "Just me"?
Or, it's Thanksgiving and your neighbor ask you who is coming to your home for the big day, and you respond, "Oh, it's just the two of us this year."
What have been your thoughts and emotions when you give that response?
I know for me, at times....I have felt awkward, almost embarrassed, sad, lonely, depressed. Can anyone relate??
We humans are social animals. We like others around us (ok, my great grandfather was a hermit so some don't want others around). We feel out of place by ourselves. Privately, most of us long for someone to come up to us and say, "Hey, come join us. We would love to have you be with us."
As we age, being "just me" becomes the norm. More frequently, you find yourself on your own....going window shopping by yourself vs with your best friend, preparing dinner for one vs two or more, going to a movie on your own.
Growing older, being the survivor of your family and friends, often means you are the one left after a spouse or close friend becomes ill and can't go out anymore or passes away.
The kids are grown and on their own, and often move away taking the grandkids with them (boo).
You are on your own....alone.
It becomes "just me."
How well do you cope with being "just me"?
In my work, I am often the only person in my client's life. They are truly the 'survivor of their tribe' (Maggie Kuhn, an early leader in the aging movement, coined that phrase). I have two such clients right now. One is still healthy and able to be in his own home, active and engaged. The other is in an assisted living facility and can't do much but loves playing solitaire card games.
And, I have often found myself in the position of being "just me."
For some, being 'just me' is not really an issue. They have hobbies, interests, part time work....you name it, they have a lot going on and don't mind being on their own without someone else in the home or close by.
For others, it is the time in which a deep sense of loneliness, sadness and depression can set in and they begin to isolate, afraid to venture out (if they are still able to).
Much of how we handle being on our own is directly related to our health...physical, mental and emotional.
If we are healthy and able to come and go (yes, don't take our cars away...lol), be engaged as we want to....life moves forward even if we have lost loved ones.
But, if you aren't in good health, and suddenly find yourself, on your own, unable to come and go as you would like, unable to engage with others.....life seems like it is standing still or going backwards.
So, how do you begin to get honest with yourself and those closest to you to let them know when you aren't coping well with being 'just me'?
Well, first, like I just said...check in with yourself, be honest about what you are thinking and how you are feeling about being on your own. Come to understand when it is ok and when it's not ok with you to be alone.
Next, if you find that it is bothering you to be alone, you are finding more times and days where you feel sad, lonely, crying (even those few tears), struggling to figure out what is next in life....please let your family and friends know you need to talk together and see what options there are to help you feel involved and engaged in living life.
Family and Friends.....don't wait, please...don't wait for your older family member or friend to reach out to you....stop and consider that they may find it hard to talk to you about how they are doing and feeling.
Don't ask them how their feeling.....just ask them to come and be a part of a special day, a celebration, a trip to the mall, going out to dinner, spending the day at your home....or maybe, you all go spend the day at their home (uuhhmm).
Don't get so wrapped up in your schedule and activities that you forget that with a bit of extra effort you may just make someone else's day....and save them from something much worse than just sitting alone in their home and wondering if anyone knows that they are still on planet earth.
Yes, I know this has turned into more of a discussion about what family and friends can do but....that's how you help someone get over the "just me" syndrome.
Our older family members and friends don't want to be a bother. They don't want you to know how alone they feel (yes, it's hard to admit that to yourself let alone anyone else). They're not sure how to tell you to include them....it's unknown territory for them.
So, let's find a way that being "just me" is not anything to be embarrassed by or awkward about.....because it is more the norm than most us know. There are more and more younger and older people who are on their own.
So, let's make this new norm into a positive Let's build new ways of doing life together and supporting one another across the ages and lifestages!
(And, you can invite me to dinner!! LOL)
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