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08/20/2019

I am a friend of Tim’s, we started this page together once upon a time and he was such great writer I kind of dumped it on him. I love and miss him so much. That being said I need AA meeting contacts for a guy in need in Decatur Alabama, Private message is fine, thank you.

07/30/2019

Beauty in the darkness. I have written about this before but it has come to mind a couple of times in the last few days. Back when I was defending, I was sitting in a room in a jail waiting for a client to be brought out and I was noticing the surroundings. I was wondering how many interrogations had occurred in this room, how many journies into prison began here. Jails are never quiet. There are always guards talking, doors clanging, inmates being brought to and from. There never appears to be a lot of happiness in these places. As I sat there, a woman with the most beautiful voice started singing. Just out of nowhere, she burst into a beautiful song. And while she sang, there was a complete silence in that jail. Everyone stop talking and was listening. There was no noise whatsoever, except for that beautiful voice. The whole atmosphere changed in that prison. Tonight, the words came to me: "To comfort rather than be comforted, to understand than to be understood, to love than to be loved." Even in the darkest places, we can find beauty there. There is always something beautiful that we can find. Even in the worst storms of our lives, the worst problems, and when everything is going wrong, if we stay true, the clouds will clear and the stars will shine again. And after we have gone through a certain problem or life challenge, we can go out and help another guy who is going through the same problem. As I have read, we can assure him that the stars will shine again. To that guy, we are the beautiful song in the darkness.

07/03/2019

"If God can make a bug's butt light up, just think about what he can do for you!"

07/03/2019

Destination unknown. I saw on Facebook where a young teenage girl dies of cancer this week. I had kept up with her journey and she had found out about her cancer during the time that I have been going through my struggles. Her faith, and her family's faith, was inspiring. This young lady believed in Jesus and knew where home was when she passed away. I don't know why God would take this young lady but he was ready for her to come home. God has certainly blessed me on my cancer journey. It has been going on for over a year and a half. I have had surgery, had parts removed and rebuilt. The cancer returned and I asked one of my doctors how long that I would live. This doctor is a christian and told me that I should not be looking at it from terms of how long that I had to live. I was going to need to change my views. The doctor told me about one man that had lived for years and I should quit viewing it from the perspective of how long that I had. One thing that I have learned from my journey that is spiritual is that our destinations are unknown when it comes to God's Universe. We should live each day like we were going to live forever. We don't know what God's plan is or where we will arrive. I assume that I am to use my journey to help somebody else. If we basically lived our lives on a spiritual basis and then came back and reported to everyone what worked for us, this world would be a better place. I don't believe that any of us are favored more or less by God. He loves us all the same. But in the end, it is his plan that is going to be carried out in each of our lives. My job is to live the best spiritual life possible and, one day, my time to go home will come too.

06/18/2019

The show must go on. Hello everybody, it has been a few days since I have posted my nightly post but I have been occupied. I had a round of chemo this week and I saw the doctor on Tuesday. He told me that he could tell from outward appearances that I was doing well. The doctor said that he had seen a lot of people in his time and he could tell just from looking at me that I was doing good. I have been doing good and my energy level had been the highest that it has been in a long time before the chemo.I had the chemo treatment on Tuesday and then I have to wear a box which injects chemo into my body for two days. I had the box removed on Thursday. I am tired for a couple of days but I could tell today that I have regained my energy faster than I have in the past. Friday and Saturday, I took naps but I have not had to do that today. I have attended a couple of spiritual events and I am speaking at one tomorrow night. It seems strange but when I post only positive and humorous things, it seems that I see more positive on Facebook. When I scroll though my friend's posts, I see more humor and I see more posts that are positive. When I keep a positive frame of mind, my sickness does not overwhelm me. I seem to gain my energy back faster and there is more serenity in my life. Worrying about negative stuff or politics will throw me off center and I try to stay away from that sort of thinking. So, thank you for the prayers and all the positive thoughts. Prayer does work and there is an energy from positive thoughts. I love you all.

06/18/2019

Slugging it out. Years ago, I represented a defendant in a murder case and there was a co-defendant. That means that there were two defendants being tried for murder at the same time. It was a tough case going in and I was having to fight the prosecutor at every corner. Before long into the trial, some finger pointing started between my client and the co-defendant and before long I was having to fight the prosecutor and the attorney for the co-defendant. It was three or four days of slugging it out. Today, I was thinking of the slug fest that negativity brings into our lives. At the present, my basic fight is with cancer. I have good doctors that I leave this fight in the capable hands of. We all have something in life that we struggle with. Normally, when we get sick of struggling, we turn the matter over to God and leave it in his very capable hands, That is usually the best plan but normally we have to get sick of fighting ourselves before we do. I try to live my life on the most positive note possible. I find that when I go looking for negativity, whatever it may be, I am going to be fighting everyone and everything around me. Think about it. What good has ever came out of being negative? When I want to say something negative, usually my best approach is to hold that tongue and not say anything. When I start being negative, the whole dam bursts and there is resentment and fear that will swallow me up. Not only am I fighting me, but I start fighting the imaginary enemy. So, today, stay positive regardless of circumstance. It does all get better in the end.

06/05/2019

Take the long way home. As I approach my 59th year of living, today I was listening to "70's on 7." The song "Take the Long Way Home" came on. "You never see what you want to see, Forever playing to the gallery, You take the long way home, Take the long way home" I remember being 19 years old and singing "Took the Long way Home!" at the top of my lungs appealing to the humor of my dates. Tomorrow, I will be 59 years old. Hard to believe that the song is 40 years old. But when i look back over my life, I did take the long road home. Here I am and for the last 13 years, I have lived a spiritual life. I enjoy going into prisons and jails and carrying the spiritual message. Basically, we introduce inmates to God. God introduced himself to me in a bathroom on July 5, 2006 and I had a spiritual awakening. Since that time, I have tried to carry the message to others. I was raised in a good home and had good parents. They raised me right but I certainly got off on the wrong path. I made some poor choices but God is real big with "second chances." Yes, many of us take the "long road home." But we finally arrive. I have had a life worth living.

06/05/2019

Staying positive. About two years ago, I made a vow to only post positive or humorous posts on my page. Thus far, I have kept that promise. It ends all my nights on a positive note and you don't know how much that has improved my attitude. Today I had something happen that I wanted to write about on Facebook. I felt like it was wrong and that most everybody would agree with me that it was wrong. I thought that to keep to my rule of staying positive that I would just write it as one of the day's events without complaining about it. But I thought about it and it was just another way to complain about it without actually calling it a complaint. So, I decided to stick with my vow and stay positive. I have felt really good for the last few days and I have to go do chemo tomorrow. I will have to wear the box for a couple of days and then have it removed on Thursday. But I have felt doggone good. Banks and I celebrated my birthday by attending a musical and eating supper. I attended an event on Saturday night and I have had a lot of energy. So, I feel like the chemo is working. I have been eating good. I was a able to talk to a person yesterday who has just found out that he has cancer and share my experience.So, I am actually able to use my experience to help others. So, staying positive does pay off. It has helped me through my sickness, as well. Staying positive is a choice and, trust me, will work wonders for you.

05/26/2019

Circling the wagons. The other day when I visited my doctor he said that he found it amazing that I was still going to work every day, attending prisons and doing what I am supposed to be doing. He told me that some people would be circling the wagons and would be living in a world of self pity. He said that I was writing quite a story for myself. My family believes that as long as I keep going that I am going to be alright. I believe that too. The good thing about my life is that I have had the opportunity to watch men and women face bad situations and I saw how they came through it. Some of the most spiritual lessons that I have learned have been in the darkest moments of my life. In 2008, when I faced federal charges, I had to simply let God have it. There was absolutely nothing that I could do about it. I had no control over the matter. Same thing with this sickness, I personally do not have control over the matter. But there is one who does and that is God. I don't say these things to brag on myself but when I am faced with a situation that I have no control over, whatever it might be, I let God have it. It seems like everything always works out for the best when I let go. "Let go and let God!"

05/11/2019

A blank slate. Today, after I left chemo, I went by the appointment desk and waited as the administrator set up my appointment to have a scan done. As she was setting up my appointment, she said "Lung cancer, liver cancer and bone cancer." It sounded like that I should not have been alive. But here I am, walking and feeling pretty good. I go to work, still make my jail meetings and have started doing some exercise in the morning. What I was hearing was an administrator telling a short story of my life and what I see is God working a miracle. I remember when I went through my federal trial in 2008 and it was a prosecutor telling the story of my life.The prosecutor said that, I was "ruthless, that I would do anything that I had to do to get what I wanted." The prosecutor basically said that I used people for purposes of obtaining what I desired to get without regard for anybody. Honestly, I did not know who they were talking about. That man no longer existed. The last time that I had seen that man was on July 5, 2006 when I looked in the mirror and knew that I was the problem. I ask God to help me and God met me in the bathroom on that early morning. My life changed and I have not been that man since. I went to an event about a year after my change and when I was introduced, I was said to be "a mentor" who had helped a lot of people in my profession. That was a God moment as I knew that God had changed my life. Our lives are all subject to being told and narrated by someone else. I like to hear what they see when they look at me as a person. My life is like a blank slate each day. I am constantly writing the story. And the good news is that I don't have to be like the man that I was yesterday. I can write a positive story of my life, I can change or I can write a negative story. What is my choice to be? What is your choice to be?

05/06/2019

The best laid plans. One of my favorite spiritual speakers was talking about how he was trying to live a better life and he had made a career out of the marine corps. After he started living a more spiritual life, he failed to receive a promotion and basically was out of the marines. He couldn't understand why God would do this to him. Some months later, still mad about it, he was reading the morning paper and noticed that the team he was a member of in the Marines had all been killed in a helicopter crash. He knew that if he had got the promotion that he would have been on that helicopter, as well. He mumbled, "Well, God if you had let me know that, I wouldn't have complained!" He said that he knew that God knew he was reading that article. Occasionally, I will write out certain aspects of my life as an exercise of seeing why I feel certain ways. Some people call it an inventory but it is written out on paper so that I can see it in black and white. Before I got sick, I had started on one and discussed certain things such as moving from Georgia, to changing jobs, for missed opportunities, to financial matters. After getting sick, I spent very little time on it and it was put to the side. This weekend, I decided to take it back out and finish it. It was surprising that in a span of months, how many of my questions were answered. I could see how God had been working in my life and a lot of my fears that were written down had the answers to them, as well. It was almost like my God Box. I had a box that I used at one time and I would write my problem down on a piece of paper and put it in the God Box as turning it over to God. The problems were all solved and when one was solved the piece of paper was taken out, the date of resolution was written on the back and then thrown away. There was not one slip of paper remaining in the God Box. It would seem that I would learn (yes, that I would learn) that when I let it go, the problem gets answered and resolved.

05/04/2019

Somewhere over the rainbow. When I was growing up, I was told that there was a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. I assume that everyone was told that. Find the end of a rainbow and we will be rich. Kind of reminds me of Chief William McIntosh's gold. When I was growing up there was this legend that Chief McIntosh had hidden all of the gold that he got for selling land to the United States. He had hidden it before he was murdered and there were so many theories. There were also theories that certain people had found it because they became rich overnight but it was believed to be hidden down around the Chattahoochee River in the area where he lived. Tonight, I attended a jail meeting at the Houston County Jail. It was the usual crowd, inmates looking for a new way of life. I have been going into jails and prisons for 9 years now and basically we go in to help people with alcohol and drug problems. For an hour, they get out of their cell and many are looking for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. This is the same for those that are attending religious services or spiritual services of any kind. We are always looking for that lost gold and sometime we just can't seem to find it. If I did not believe in the message that I carry, I would not be down at the jail or prison carrying it to the next man. Especially now, being sick and not knowing how long or short I have left on the Earth, I would not be carrying a message that I did not believe in. I believe that God can solve any problem and I have put my will and life in his hands. The thought struck me tonight that when I started going into prisons and jails, I had found my pot of Gold at the end of the rainbow. I am a very rich man when it comes to spiritual matters and nothing in the world can take that away from me.

04/30/2019

Feeling the love. This weekend, I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time with a man that came and told his spiritual story. I was what they call his "host." I would take him to his motel room and pick him up and we would sit together at the other events and we had a good time. Today I took him to the airport in Dothan because he had flown his own plane in and I made sure that he was headed to his plane before I left. While we were sitting together at the events, a lot of people came up to me and hugged me and asked me how I was doing and that they were praying for me. The entire weekend was getting hugs and hearing you say that you loved me. Today, before the fellow I was hosting left, he told me that he wanted to keep up with me and see how all of this sickness stuff turned out. He told me that it was obvious from the weekend that there were a lot of people that cared for me. I found that to be very moving. Here was a fellow that I met on Friday evening for the first time ever but by Sunday he knew that from the number of people that came over hugged me, told me that they loved me and were praying for me that I was cared about. That is a great honor. There was a time in my life that I felt like it was me and nobody else. I would have had to face sickness and few people, outside of my family, would have cared. Fortunately, my blood family has always loved me no matter what. Today, however, because of the spiritual group of people that I have found, we care for and love each other. I have had people buy me gift certificates, wash my clothes, clean my residence. People are rooting for me. It is hard to realize how many friends that one has until something like sickness occurs. I may not be rich materially, but I can say that today, because of friends, I am a very rich man.

04/30/2019

Simply ask. If there were a fine people contest, my mother and father would win it in my book. Daddy had one trait that a lot of men seem to have and that was the trait of being stubborn. I take after him. When daddy was driving, there was no Navigator and nothing to give directions, other than maps. You stopped at your local gas station and purchased a map of the the State and mapped out your trip. But if daddy ended up getting lost, he was going to figure out the directions. There was no stopping and asking the local folks. That was a last resort thing. One time, daddy and one of my brothers got into an argument about some historical fact and my brother pulled an Encyclopedia out and showed where his answer was correct. Daddy declared the Encyclopedia to be wrong. Lol. I inherited the same trait when it comes to travel and knowing the facts. Fortunately, I have a Navigator and I can follow directions. But let me get lost and I am going to find it. Stopping to ask for directions is only for an emergency like I have a time to be somewhere. Today, I was in Publix and I was in the meat section looking for the Bleu Cheese hamburgers. This was the second time that I have looked for them and they were not there. I almost settled for the hamburgers that they had but not what I wanted. There was like this voice in my head that said, "Why don't you ask?" So, I asked and the Assistant told me that they could make me a couple in five minutes. All I had to do was ask. It is strange at how much I have settled for in life when I could have received more by simply asking. Why it is hard to simply ask, I don't know. Every time that I have asked, even in pray, I have received more help than I ever dreamed possible. Next time, my friend, just ask. I don't know who this is meant for tonight, maybe me.

04/15/2019

God, give me what I need. Years ago, I said this pray. I was afraid at the time that God would indeed give me what I needed instead of what I wanted. And it has been a roller coaster ride ever since. I have talked about this sickness often but I truly think that I have to experience these events so that I can help the next guy that has the same problem. In November, the doctor said that without treatment, I probably would not be expected to live pass February. The other day, the impression that I got from talking to the doctor is that now, even if I did not do treatment, my life expectancy has increased to a matter of months and possibly into the year or so range. I continue to do treatment because I believe that I need to take advantage of all life saving measures. It is hard to tell the next guy that the Stars do shine again if I am not willing to go the distance. Today, for me, the Stars did shine again. After a constant battle with fatigue I was able to attend a business meeting, eat lunch at Longhorns, go to the hospital with a friend to visit one of our sick friends, get the car serviced, wash some clothes, and clean some. For me, that is a great day. It was a day when the Stars did shine again. For awhile, I was able to feel like I well. Tomorrow might be different, I don't know. But I maintain faith in God because if I did not believe that God was in control, I would probably lose my mind. I believe that God controls my destiny. "From life’s first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny." Part of my destiny is that I really do share the message that the Stars will shine again. And they will regardless of any problem that you may have.

04/10/2019

The gift of pain. I would never imagine pain as being a gift. For some reason, the previous three weeks, I have suffered from fatigue. I cannot explain how bad the fatigue felt. It wasn't like being tired. I imagine it would have come closer to clinical depression, whatever the worst kind is. Just answering a text was an ordeal. Making calls seemed like a heavy burden. My mind didn't even want to think. It was a tired that went to the very center of my soul. There were days when I thought, "I wonder if it gets any better than this from here on out." The one thing that I knew was that I had no control over it, there was nothing that I could do to personally change it. There was one thing that I never lost and that was my belief and faith that God could change it. I knew that I had to have faith. I would tell God that I wanted his will to be done but I sure do wish that he would give me some energy. I basically just had to put it all in God's hands and let him have it. I had to surrender the fact that I had no control over this event in my life. A few days ago, I had a return of energy and I was actually able to attend Court on Monday. I was able to hang in there. And during this time of pain, I received a gift. I understand that I can turn to God for anything because he truly listens. He may send me to certain doctors or people when I need something but God's light is going to always to shine through. For the person out there that has a problem of any kind, God waits for the voice of "I surrender." That is when God can truly work. Your problem can become a gift also.

04/07/2019

Footsteps. For the first few years of my life, I had no front teeth. As a young child, I heard my daddy get home from work and recognizing his footsteps, I got excited and jumped out of the bed and landed on the front of my face. Now, when I come home at night and walk up the steps, my cat apparently hears me and knows the sounds of my steps because she always meets me at the door and I can hear her meowing before I get close. Believe it or not, I can sense the footsteps of my Higher Power. When times are tough and I am called upon to bear things that it would be hard for me to believe that I have the strength to go through, I can feel his presence and a sense that it is going to all be alright. When I go into the prisons and other places where there are sick people, I can almost hear his footsteps as he walks the halls from cell to cell. Sometimes, his presence is so overwhelming that it is hard to believe that one could feel love like that in a prison. After I leave the laughter, the sharing, the fellowship and I walk toward the front gate, there is a quiet and a calm, but I still sense his footsteps. And for a moment, I feel a part of the Universe.

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