12/07/2022
In a Tsunami of Emotion
Self-Compassion is A Life Raft
Recently as I tried to install some software on a new computer, I unwittingly, fell victim to a scammer. Although I thought I was working with legitimate tech support, I was really talking to who knows whom . . . in who knows where.
As part of the process, I allowed this person remote access to my computer and opened our system up to all kinds of potential threats. Once I realized what was happening, anxiety rushed in like a tsunami flooding my brain and threw me into the upheaval of shame. Immediately, I could hear the voice in my head -- The “Oh my God, you are so stupid!” and “Why didn’t you pay attention?” and “You can’t do anything right.” Even as I shut off my computer and emptied my cookie cache, I was caught in an onslaught of shame as I replayed my actions like a B movie without an end.
In that moment, overwhelmed by a surge of emotion, reaching out to myself with kindness and acceptance felt impossible. Yet, it was exactly the time when self-compassion was most required. In that swirl of emotion, giving myself a break could allow time to get my wits about me until I could think clearly. That moment of compassion could serve as a respite until I remember I have a choice about how to approach a problem and create a solution.
Self-compassion is a life raft
No doubt, in the storm, it is hard to get on the raft. It feels like self-indulgence or an act of brushing something under the proverbial rug,
but consider the options:
I can spend hours belittling and berating myself for falling prey to scammers. I can remind myself at every juncture of my mistake, and how it proves my stupidity, and everyone would be better if I just went away. I can tap into a shame pot and send myself spiraling down into the abyss of self-loathing while bludgeoning myself with every story of every mistake.
On the other hand, I can allow the first wave of panic to wash over me, hear the voice of criticism, and give myself a break. Self-compassion isn’t pretending that a scammer has not just had full access to my computer while hoping for the best. It means admitting I made mistake and figuring out how to fix the problem without berating myself at every step.
It means that I am kind to myself, and in those moments when I feel overtaken by criticism and judgement, I open the door for them to come in and go out without inviting them to stay. I stop the barrage of personal abuse by taking responsibility for what I own and letting the rest go. I make amends where necessary and accept my humanity. I remind myself that it can be risky to try something new or hard and accept the challenge to step into uncertainty. This opens the door for me to play as big as I want and guarantees mistakes are inevitable. It requires me to build resilience to weather my self-made s**t storms. Rarely does it come easily or without practice.
This is not the first time I’ve lived the panic of a self-created crisis, nor do I think it will be the last. So, releasing the power of forgiveness and self-compassion in the middle of an emotional crisis offers a way to
Change my story,
Anchor my identity and
Secure the outcome.
Trust me, it’s a superpower.
