Mammons

01/28/2019

Mammon’s is thrilled to announce their new music festival Extinguished Fest! We will be hosting it on Hart Island in NYC in 2 weeks. We bought the island, and mass graveyards for $1 due to a loophole in the government shutdown! Stay tuned for the artists lineup and premium cabana mansion tickets!

05/19/2016

Some of our Elite Card Members hanging out in the Penthouse before our TriBeCa Fox Hunt on Vespas! If you want to have life, get the Mammons Card!

05/19/2016

Mammons has joined forces with the ultra cool elite Upper East Siders, headed by national treasure Woody Allen, to end bi ke lanes! We don't need poor crusty hipsters getting in the way of opening our car doors without looking first!

"Most of us who live there worked long and hard to acquire the property that we now live in, and to have this come and create traffic jams and horns blowing is just a terrible thing."

02/10/2016

Mammons is moving into its new headquarters in the Cloisters. Its time to take over the world with elitism, with sexiness, and with an exclusive MammonsCard. Millennials can join us at the ribbon cutting, hosted by our Patron, Roosh, from progressive news media juggernaut, Return of Kings!!!!!!

11/28/2015

Hey influential millennials, get your hands on the most stylish, elite, and impossible to get your hands on hoodie at the MammonsCard loft space. Also available in white!

11/10/2015

Proof that Greatness recognizes Greatness. We at Mammons know, not unlike modern renaissance man Shia LaBeouf, that we are greatness. We are elite, we are millennials, we are greatness. We are Mammonscard Members. We are not Magnises!

Shia Labeouf Movie Marathon hosted by Mammons.

And for the next 3 days. You can join him, for free.

11/10/2015

We at Mammons are very concerned about alcohol abuse. We made a short video about the consequences of substance abuse... Please watch. If you have a friend who is suffering from this, send them to rehab and pay for it with your MammonsCard where you get double points for charging rehab to your card!

The brunch struggle is real. If you live in Williamsburg or basically anywhere in Brooklyn, you know the feeling. Watch more: http://thebedfordstop.com Follo...

10/22/2015

Chief executive officer of bio-tech company Retrophin LLC and current "Media It Boy", Martin Shkreli is going to be at the MammonsCard Loft Space giving MammonsCard Elite Millennial Members tips on how to sculpt the perfect eyebrows. Bring your own thread and wax!

10/20/2015

Announcing a new feature for MammonsCard Elite Millennial Members: Introducing our Retainer-As-You-Go plan for Mammons Members who are on Men's College Lacrosse Teams. For every dollar you spend, a matching dollar is put in an account for a legal team to defend you at court after next weekend's team house party!

10/20/2015

HUMAN OF MAMMONS

BECKY
"It's been a rough couple years. Just cause my family made their money off guns, pharmaceuticals, and clothing made in Southeast Asia doesn't mean I should be judged for spending it!"

10/17/2015

MammonsCard Elite member and business ethics hero Roger Goodell is hosting a talk at the Loft Space on how to run an ethical business that makes money and looks out for its own people! Sponsored by Volkswagen Emission Systems, only $238 for card members!

Deflategate and the Ray Rice situation were awful. But revenue is up, ratings are through the roof and concussions are down. Doesn't Goodell deserve credit for that?

10/16/2015

OMG! Check out the dog-ass ugly partners of these totally hott celebs! Be Elite, be a MammonsCard Member, don't fall in to the trap RiRi did.

10/15/2015

We are the joy makers, the the trail blazers, the stimulators, the creators, the vanguard, the trend setters, the entrepreneurs, the heavy hitters, the pathfinders, the dare devils, the treasure hunters, the globe trotters, the swash bucklers, the hot-shots, and the VIP's!

We are the Elite, the Millennials, the MammonsCard Members.

10/15/2015

Are you ever baffled by the lack of Polo Networking Parties in NYC? Well that ends now for MammonsCard Millennial Members. We'll be having weekly social events where you can use your card to buy state of the art Polo equipment and new horses!

10/15/2015

This weekend MammonsCard Members get a chance to live it up in style at our Back to Basics Bash, where Card Members can celebrate being basic. Let's shake off the unfair stigma that Basic is Bad. Members get a chance to enjoy Chipotle's Pumpkin Spice Burritos and Van Gogh's Dutch Caramel Vodka! If basic is bad, we don't want to be good.

10/15/2015

Well then, how will they expect their cars to run? With the MammonsCard you get double points for purchases of gas and vodka. We call it the LiquidLuxury Plan!

As part of its goals to achieve new environmental targets, Toyota Motor Corporation has said it will eliminate carbon emissions by 90 percent from its production processes by 2050, compared to 2010 levels. The expansive plan, reported by The Wall Street Journal, is part of Toyota's broader strategy…

10/14/2015

Next Tuesday guest bartender Rob "Gronk" Gronkowski is mixing up piña coladas for our MammonsCard Elite Millennial Members up at the Loft.

10/14/2015

Tonight, MammonsCard Members get a chance for a once in a lifetime experience. Shia LaBeouf is rolling out his entire wardrobe in our Loft Space for a clothing swap. Come by with your slickest duds and trade with Shia. Only available to MammonsCard Members for $453!

10/14/2015

Last night, two of the most Elitist bands played up in the MammonsCard Loft space in SoHo. If you are a Millennial with a Mammons Card it gets you entry to see hott bands like the Lumineers and Echosmith who played last night. Network and enjoy the best indie music your Elite Crowd has to offer!

10/14/2015

HUMANS OF MAMMONS

MEET CARD MEMBER DAVID
"I grew up with Helicopter Parents. It was really tough as a kid. We were always taking helicopters to the Hamptons or just to avoid traffic on the way back to Westchester... you know?"

10/14/2015

Come take a Spin Class in our "Spin Dungeon" located beneath the MammonCard Loft Complex in SoHo. Only $150 for an entire 20 minute class for Mammon Card Members. $382 for non-members. Shoe rental is $76 for all. Cool down after class is in the Vodka Soda Lounge for $26.

10/14/2015

Today the Mammon's SoHo rooftop pool for Diamond Card Millennials is being drained for the winter. We will import new water from the majestic California Reservoirs every week starting in April.

10/14/2015

We need to end the smear campaign of valued member of Mammons Luke Gatti! Magnises would never stand by there man like we do! Donate here:

https://donatenow.networkforgood.org/1439252

Mac&Cheese boy getting arrested in the UConn Student Union

10/14/2015

This is so not Elite! This would never happen if it was the Yale debate team! We at Mammons Credit Card/Social Club are starting a fundraiser to better train the Harvard Debate Team.

Get involved here:

http://www.innocenceproject.org/get-involved

Harvard's world-beating debate team has lost to a collection of New York prison inmates incarcerated for violent crimes. The two teams of three faced off for an hour-long debate at the Eastern Correctional Facility in New York, a maximum-security prison. After an hour of vigorous debate on the right…

10/14/2015

Tired of waiting for your trust fund to mature and be released? The Mammons Blood Diamond Card is the credit card that can get you out of your parents back pocket and into our exclusive SoHo Clubhouse until that money gets freed up!

10/13/2015

We're planning this year's White Rhino Hunting Trip up at the Mammons loft, exclusive membership with your Mammons Credit Card. Magnises never does anything this elite!

10/13/2015

If all our members could share our posts and talk about how much more distinguished we are in comparison to Magnises that would be so money and so elite.

10/13/2015

Check out this pic from last week's Diversity Drink Night at the Mammons Loft in SoHo!

10/13/2015

Our Mission:

Each Mammons member carries our distinctive blood diamond membership card, which extends and enhances their pre-existing trust fund or credit card, and provides perks, benefits, and access to numerous high-end brands and secret meeting spaces to oppress anyone who is different than us.

Our members are the thrill-seekers, vodka soda drinkers, & the fist-pumpers. We are an homogenous group of people looking to create and maximize our moneys. We have shaped our own success in a variety of fields including technology, fashion, finance, and entertainment, and we constantly try to push ourselves further with our parent's money. Mammons is the socio-economic instigator you've been searching for.