11/21/2020
The places we're frequenting have changed so very much. Most of us have foregone places with people, places with friends, and places with family so that we can get through this pandemic with as many of us as possible. Spending so much time home. And then home itself changed for me. And this year continues to unfold. And I'm thinking about me. I'm new to me. I'm finding out what I think, and why, and wondering what I'm missing. I "came out" as nonbinary and now I understand more than ever this phrase and all the thoughts and feelings it evokes in us q***r folk. Of course it's not only once. So, the person I am understands that this will be an ongoing conversation. You're allowed to be curious with me. I'll do my best to be gracious. We don't get enough familiarity with this stuff. Non-binary doesn't have a standard meaning. It doesn't have to. For me, I'm good with she/they pronouns. I don't love any kind of gendered language, but c'mon - we're all so conditioned to it. And don't get me wrong. When I say that, I mean that all gendered language makes me think, and think about how our society assumes so much that we shouldn't. And how much I want to change that. But I don't mind being an aunt. I don't hate being a sister or a daughter. (I do love being called a nibling (gender neutral for sibling) and child instead of daughter.) And I don't have to. My gender identity is complex, and it's mine. What I want more than anything is more open conversation about gender, a permanent untethering of gender and sexuality, and for more cis people to bother learning. We, all of us humans, meet the world each day, with whatever it holds for us. New people, places, jobs, experiences... We go to public places, where anonymity takes us over and over again. Where it's more strange to see a familiar face. Even before the pandemic, faces familiar to us we often still don't know that much about. So that's the part I'm trying to remember. There's so much we don't know about each other. This world is huge. Billions of people I don't know. I can't stop the world from seeing me as a woman most of the time. I can't stop others from putting me in categories. I can't stop them if they believe stereotypes and lies about me or anyone else. I'm also trying to remember that, to some degree, we all do it. Our cultural habits include presumption, assumption, and inability to discuss more often than revealing conversation, vulnerability, and raw honesty. In most of my experiences, we don't seem to leave a whole lot of room for each other. And I get it. It doesn't seem like we've learned how to ask questions without hurting each other, committing microaggressions of all kinds. So what I want is to continue to change those parts of our culture. And I constantly think about how I'm going to do it. What's the best way? What's best for me? What's best for others? All I want is to be a force for good. I make mistakes. So many mistakes. I get back up and do it again. My heart wants a world where people are a functioning societal unit. Making sure EVERYONE has food, water, shelter, and good healthcare. Where it's not typical or acceptable to be uneducated about lots of cultures, customs, and languages, to deny science, and to judge others based on behaviors that have nothing to do with character. Clothing, piercings, hairstyles are either openly admired or simply ignored, because fashion is personal expression and not a reason to belittle someone. Yes, I see the Pollyanna creeping in. I hate it, too. I understand the concept of utopia. I also know what healthy societies look like, and the US is not it. The thing is, we can. It's not overly idealist to say that we're going to take a stand and improve our lives. It's what labor movements do. And we currently have all the movements. Increase wages, the wealth gap is currently unacceptable, shorten those working hours, increase those vacations, get that paid family leave, break the link between healthcare and employment... So anyway, it's a miracle if anyone reads my ramblings this long. xoxox
Places are everywhere. Many, if not all, have cats. Some have very interesting cats. My place has 3 living cats, & 1 honored one who is no longer with us.
