VictorDull.com, Sobriety Coach

19/02/2021

If you've ever felt afraid of failing at being sober, here's a brief upliftment for you:

"I am so scared. I don't want to fail. Ok. I know what I don't want and that's good. Time to look in the other direction. What is it that I do want? I want to be courageous. I want to succeed in my sobriety. Let me look at what I've done that's courageous and successful thus far. I have lined up resources for my sobriety. That is a success indeed. I am going to attending online meetings, another success! I am focusing on my children, another success. I am choosing life, another success. If I really think about it I am successful. I am courageous. I choose to continue to focus less on what I don't want and more on what I do want. After all, I was brought to this life for joy. My children are evidence of that. I am choosing sobriety and life, more evidence. I am choosing to believe I can be successful in sobriety. I am starting to begin to believe that I WILL be successful in my sobriety. Yay me!!"

You can adapt this to fit your specific situation. I'm pulling for you.

01/02/2021

This sobriety coach is excited about being interviewed live Tuesday, Feb.2 at 11.45 AM eastern time. Tune in at one of the links below:

https://pbnpodcasts.com/studio-%233
or
https://tunein.com/podcasts/Business--Economics-Podcasts/Podcast-Business-News-Network-p1395261/

31/01/2021

Alcohol addiction is a disease. Let's look at the word disease, dis - ease. Dis means "apart", "cause the opposite". In this case, be apart from ease or be the opposite of ease.

Speaking for myself, that was the reason for my drinking all them years ago. I mean it started out fun, but got out of hand and very uncomfortable what with guilt, discouragement, anger, depression... dis -ease.

The thing I learned was to pay attention to my Inner Being, my Soul. The negative thoughts and feelings were my Soul disagreeing with me in my dis - ease. Therefore, I learned to find better feeling thoughts and be okay with things. I learned and am still learning to find ease in circumstances regardless of what they were/are.
After all, all is well when I really think about it.

What are your thoughts on dis-ease?

27/11/2020

"The greatest gift that you could give to anyone you love is the gift of positive expectation." Abraham Hicks

And just as important, Positive expectation for yourself as you strive for sobriety. I'm pulling for you.

Photo credit: dementiasherpa.com

06/11/2020

Do you feel down in the dumps, depressed, because of your drinking?

If this blue feeling lasts too long, it means that you’ve basically dropped out of life and you aren’t allowing the energy of life to flow through you. And that’s okay. You’re depressed because you are constantly having thoughts that your soul disagrees with, thoughts of I’m not good enough, thoughts of inadequacy about yourself, and others.

Did you know that you have the ability to look at your blues in a way that feels a little better?
When you keep repeating your old story “I feel depressed” You are not allowing yourself to heal.
You cannot think your way out of this state of mind by thinking about how bad you feel – because when you think about depression it keeps you stuck there. So, instead of ruminating on this depressive mindset, change the focus of your thoughts

Even though you have depressive symptoms, you are still all right. You hurt because your spirit, your soul knows things are going to be alright. You can think such things as “This too shall pass. I would like to give myself a break and not take this too seriously. So, I can be easy about it. I think I’ll take a nap. All is really well. I’ll just quit pushing against it, quit resisting. I’m going to give myself a break because that’s what I deserve.”

Sometimes you may complain to your family and friends, hoping for relief. One of the worst things in the world anyone can say when you are feeling down is. “You need to cheer up.” Like you wouldn’t have done it if you could. Therefore, it’s best you rely on yourself. Take some time for yourself and do this little exercise as often as you can until you feel relief.

Relieving depression

Read the following aloud:

“I acknowledge that I feel this way.
I believe that I am depressed.
A belief is a thought I keep thinking
And I keep thinking the old painful thoughts instead of thinking new better feeling thoughts.
It hurts when I can’t make the world different – I feel despair
Wait a minute, it isn’t my job to make the world different; it is my job to find a way to feel better
I will feel better when I stop drinking.
But, what do I really want?
I want to feel better!
When I recall bad/unpleasant memories, I am keeping the blue feeling alive.
That was then, this is now.
I am ready to turn depression into wellbeing
I am ready to trade depression for future wellbeing
I’ve heard that meditation is a good treatment for depression
My mood matters. My mood is an emotional response to what I’m thinking.
I have control of my thoughts, I can focus as I choose.
I have the ability to focus – I have been focusing on feeling depressed.
I have been focusing on what I don’t want – my inability to stay sober.
I am going to gently and gradually retrain my focus to increasingly improved thoughts.
I am going to focus on what I want – and that is feeling better.
I am going to find something different to do besides drink, something I enjoy, and do it with joy.
If the depressed feelings come back I will go back in my memory and recall all the details of something I did that was fun.
I am going to tell a different story, a new story about me, a sober me.
I’ve had days when I didn’t feel so good …I’ve had days when I felt wonderful … and I choose to recall the wonderful feeling days …
And I stop beating up on myself about those not good feeling days.
I choose to give myself the benefit of the doubt by saying, “I didn’t know then what I know now.
I’m going to be more mindful of my thoughts and be nice to myself.
It all depends on what I choose to focus on.
I choose to focus on my well-being.
I choose to focus on my worth.
I choose to focus on my value.
I choose to love myself.
I choose all this because it is what I deserve.
What I DESERVE.
I am worthy.
I am value.
I am love.”

Read this with feeling whenever the depressive thoughts try to hijack you.

I’m pulling for you.

P.S. If the depressive thoughts won’t go away and are causing physical ailments, try tapping. Click on the link below for more information

05/11/2020

Tap on Your Face!

Alcohol relapse can trigger such intense guilt that some people continue to drink and that leads to even stronger guilt. Hangovers can trigger guilt. Blackouts can trigger guilt. If you’re struggling with guilt related to relapse, here’s a tapping protocol you can use to free yourself from that guilt.

Think of the last time you felt guilty and feel the feeling. Rate it on a scale of 0-10, now start tapping:
Use your fingers and tap on the following points; you can use both hands to tap if you so desire.
BE - between the eyes
SE - side of the eyes
UE - under the eyes
CB - collar bone

Tap and say out loud

(BE) “This guilty feeling.”
(SE) It is my feeling.
(UE) This guilty feeling is my creation.
(CB) It was only my creation.
(BE) My feeling.
(SE) I created it.
(UE) That means I can let it go.
(CB) By acknowledging my creation
(BE) I acknowledge me.
(SE) I validate my feelings
(UE) I validate me
(CB) I choose to let this guilty feeling go.
(BE) It served its purpose and now I’m done with it.
(SE) I choose to let this guilty feeling go.
(UE) It was okay to have this guilty feeling.
(CB) And now it’s time to let it go.
(BE) I choose to let it go.
(SE) It’s safe to let it go.
(UE) This guilty feeling.
(CB) Let it go.
(BE) I’m okay with letting it go.
(SE) It was just a feeling.
(UE) And feelings change.
(CB) I choose to change this guilty feeling by letting it go.
(BE) I deserve to be free of this guilt.
(SE) I am worthy of being free of this guilt.
(UE) Let it go.
(CB) Let it go. Let it go.”

Give your wrist a gentle squeeze, take a deep breath slowly release it and say “peace.”

Check-in with your feelings - can you still feel the guilt?
If you do, give it a number between 0-10 (0 it’s not there, 10 it’s high. If the feeling is there, notice it, has it shifted? What does that feel like? Go back and tap again. Check-in with the feeling again.
Continue this process until you cannot feel the feeling.
Repeat as needed.

If you need more help with tapping on guilt or any other negative feelings you may have related to alcohol relapse or if you’re struggling with sobriety, click on the link in the comment below.
I’m pulling for you.

07/10/2020

What do I intend to do about it? Great question. I can wallow in it or find a way to feel even better. I've been imagining what I would have done with this question back in the days of alcohol and hangovers.

Dear Friends,

Abraham used a term recently, that I don’t remember them saying before, and I really liked it. They said, “When that topic or subject came up in your life it “landed” you on the emotional scale at frustration.” And then they went on to explain that now I had some decisions to make about whether I was going to stick around on the scale where I “landed” or make a decision to move upward to something that feels better.

I liked the realization that it is natural that some things in my life would cause me to “land” on the scale at some feeling place. Sort of an automatic or “knee jerk” reaction to something. But then the thought of “now what do I intend to do about it” was really helpful to me.

I also liked pondering how, of course, I will have responses to things. No judgment. That’s natural. But then, I can evaluate if I like where I landed. And then, I can choose improvement if I want to. And I do want to. These Abraham workshop discussions are filled with new insights and examples. I am really appreciating their helpful guidance and your part in this lovely exchange of questions and answers.

If you would like to join us this Saturday online, click here! https://bit.ly/36FqqB0

Our love,
Esther
(and Abraham and Jerry)

20/09/2020

One Day at a Time.

In recovery, some people tend to focus on the negative aspects of the struggle with fighting the temptation to drink. When that happens they are advised to take it one day at a time.

One day at a time is good advice. One hour at a time is good too, but how about each minute, each moment? This is something I've learned to do. I've come to take the time to savor a cup of coffee, focusing on the flavor, the aroma ... each sip is an experience, especially when enhanced with a bite of dark chocolate. There are many other moments I feel good, even when mowing the lawn.

Being mindful is what some people call it. Whatever name you give it, reach for those good feeling moments, instead of the booze.

Temptation knocking on your mind? Take a lesson from Lucy and find something to relish at the moment. Savor the heck out of it, any good thought, any good feeling, even the thought, "Wow! I'm sober right now and that feels damn good."

I'm pulling for you. By the way, what are some good feeling moments you pay attention to?

Victor Dull, Sobriety Coach at Savvy Sobriety

Photo credit: Charles Schulz

20/09/2020

15/09/2020

From Desire to Aspire

Sobriety starts with a desire, the feeling of wanting to have something, and even wishing for it to happen. The desire gets stronger each time there is a relapse because the negative feelings seem to get more intense.

Back in my alcohol binging days, I fought the negative feelings. Instead of making peace and normalizing the feelings, I chose to mask them with more alcohol. And around and around I went relapse after relapse.

But, even during those crazy, alcohol hazy days, deep inside, something called me to continue to strive to be sober. Over time the desire turned into an aspiration. I aspired to be sober. I began directing my thoughts and actions with the aim of achieving sobriety. Thoughts first - thoughts that felt better and then taking inspired action.

Inspired action for me, included becoming a behavioral health counselor and helping others to go from desiring sobriety to aspiring sobriety.

Here’s a brief upliftment if you’re struggling with developing the desire to be sober. Read aloud to yourself and feel better. I'm pulling for you.

I am struggling with the temptation to drink.
I don’t like this feeling
The temptation gets stronger.
I don’t want to fail again.
What is it that I want?
I want to be able to maintain sobriety
I want this pain to disappear.
Wait a minute.
I’m human, I was born with these feelings.
So, it’s okay to feel this way even if it’s uncomfortable.
Let me look at this another way.
Perhaps these negative feelings are trying to tell me something.
What are they trying to tell me?
They are telling me I deserve better.
They are telling me that I am indeed worthy of being sober.
They are telling me that I am worthy of being ME.
This feels better.
But I still feel angry at myself for being weak.
I’ll try something new to get myself to feel better.
I imagine alcohol as a person.
I’m angry with this person called Alcohol
I am going to exact revenge on Alcohol.
My revenge: I drown Alcohol in the toilet and flush it into the sewer.
I see the bottle as Alcohol’s head and I crack it open over a rock.
I savor the shattering sound.
Yes, that is my revenge. I feel better.
Wouldn’t it be nice if I could be free of Alcohol?
What if I was wrong, thinking that I’m weak?
What if I am stronger than I think I am?
I’m looking forward to thinking about myself as powerful and free.
Yes indeed, this feels better.
I’m starting to begin to believe that I am free of alcohol.
I’m going to continue with this line of that until the thought becomes a solid belief
Until it becomes my new thinking habit.
This is me aspiring to be sober.
YAY ME!

03/09/2020

What’s Wrong with Me?

“A person is limited only by the thoughts that he chooses.” These words got me thinking about my relapses with alcohol all those years ago, and the stories of others who struggle with relapse. What are our thoughts that trigger relapse after saying, “I’m never drinking again”? Usually, the promise was made in the throes of a raging hangover and feelings of guilt and shame brought on by not remembering the night before and in some cases, the day before.

Why is sobriety hard to sustain? They say that hindsight is 20/20. If I knew then, what I know now … I know now what prevented me from maintaining sobriety. I was operating under the belief that getting sober was hard, and there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t sustain sobriety.

Those were the thoughts I chose because I heard other people say the same thing and I came to believe those thoughts, particularly that there was something wrong with me. I’ve since learned that a belief is a thought we keep thinking. Therefore, something was wrong with me, evidenced by the guilt and shame I felt. A never cycle, one negative thought feeding the other.

So, what was the solution? The solution was to develop a new belief, to think better feeling thoughts about myself. Easier said than done, the relapses were proof of that. However, something drove me to strive for sobriety until I was able to achieve and sustain it. I call that something my Inner Being, my Soul.

It knew better. It knew I was a good and worthy person. The more I listened to my Inner Being and practiced the thought that I was good and worthy, the stronger the belief became. I’ve been able to sustain sobriety for over 30 years because the new belief has become a way of life, a way of being for me.

Letting go of old limits is a choice dictated by whether or not we’re ready to accept who we are, worthy of sobriety, free of doubt, guilt, and shame.

Are you ready to be free of doubt, of guilt, of shame?

29/08/2020

Are you a person who had problems with alcohol and struggled with relapse but has since become sober?
Would you share your story in a book I’m putting together?
If so, answer these two questions:
1. Where were you before sobriety?
2. How did you get to where you are now?
You can put your name on your story, or you can choose to remain anonymous.
Email me your story: [email protected] or you can private message me on FB.

29/08/2020

Early on in sobriety and sometimes even months or years later, the temptation to drink can rear its ugly head. A former client once told me the story of how she was tempted by a glass of beer, and I put the thoughts and feelings into a poem. .

Beads of sweat drip like tears
Down the side of the glass.
Bubbles like emotions rise
Dispelling any fears.
Luring false delights
The amber liquid calls.
A siren’s song of death
A deceit one cannot fight.
Off drifts rational thought
On a careless black tide.
The bubbles hypnotic
Rise is where I’m caught.
A cold diamond the glass
Sends shock waves to my heart.
The tongue begs for a taste
Of the liquid morass.
Better judgment is held
A victim of the brew
Whose maniacal laugh
Causes brain cells to meld.
No thoughts of the morrow
Enters into the scene.
There is only here and now
And potential sorrow.
There in obscurity
Do I choose to enter.
But is it really a choice
Or my heredity
That makes me sit here now
Bordering temptation
Contemplating bubbles
And struggling with a vow?

If you're struggling with temptation and would like instant relief, go to
http://victordull.com/gettapping

29/08/2020

Acknowledging and following one's calling is important, and that's what I'm doing. My soul calls out for me to help those who struggle with sobriety and relapse. Why? Because as the saying goes, "Been there, done that." I'm 30+ years sober and life just gets better and better.

Sometimes the old alcohol imbibing me tries to resurrect itself by whispering that I'm not good enough. I immediately shut it up. I AM good enough. Good enough to share what I've learned over the years with those that struggle with relapse. I'm pulling for you and I'm here to help.

19/07/2020

Great relationship advice from one of my favorite teachers: "Why Do I Want the Relationship I Want…? Think about what you want in a relationship and why you want it. Look for those around you who are experiencing good relationships, and feel appreciation for them. Make lists of the positive aspects of those you have spent time with. . . . In fact, one of the fastest ways to make your way to a wonderful relationship is to find any subject that consistently feels good, and focus on that even if it has nothing to do with relationships." A. Hicks
What are your thoughts on this?

06/05/2020

If your husband has ever belittled or disregarded your abilities, here's a brief upliftment for you.

“Because of my husband’s words, I feel dead inside. I don’t feel like ME. What is it that I want? I want my husband to be kind to me, to acknowledge my worth and value. But wait. Why does my worth and value depend on him? Actually, they don’t. I don’t need him to be who I am. This dead feeling is my Soul telling me that I am not aligned with who I really am: worthy, valued, lovable, capable. Yes, I am capable regardless of what my husband says. He has his beliefs about me and that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s the truth about me. I know my truth about me even if he doesn’t. I choose to acknowledge the real me. I choose to feel good about me regardless of what my husband says. This is what I choose to focus on so that when he belittles my abilities, I can be easy about it – after all, that’s just his opinion, and it’s only an opinion. Thank you, husband, for bring this clarity to me about my capabilities. And I appreciate me for gaining this clarity.”

24/03/2020

In this time of cautions and warnings, our thoughts can hijack us and take us to act in an irrational manner. When I read the news, I find my thoughts trying to sneak off with my common sense and better judgment. This is sloppy thinking on my part. I realize I’m buying into the fear that is just as contagious as the virus that’s making the rounds. When that happens, my actions are in line with those dreadful thoughts.

My relationship with such thoughts is almost as unhealthy as the virus. I’m thankful that I can recognize when my thoughts are not serving me because of the way I feel. I choose to have a healthy relationship with my thoughts by choosing thoughts that feel better. When that happens, I act accordingly, making wise and healthy decisions.

All it takes is four steps when the thoughts trigger feelings of fear. I strive to recognize the feeling as soon as it starts because I am worthy of thinking clearly and feeling good.

I pause and plan on doing something that feels good, usually, it’s playing with my dog.

I then acknowledge out loud how I feel. “I feel afraid and it sucks.” (You could insert your own feeling word here).

I then switch the thought by finding what it is I want to feel. “What do I want? I want to feel safe and happy.” At this time, I’ll play with my dog, being in the moment with him and enjoying his antics.

Voila! The fear is gone! And in such a free state of mind, I once again can make the right decisions. And if the fear comes back, I start the process over.

Here are examples of what I say when I’m switching thoughts because it isn’t that easy to accept certain thoughts because, at the moment, they aren’t believable. In order to have a healthy relationship with thoughts, it is important to find thoughts that are believable.

(Fill in the blank with your own positive feeling word, the way you really want to feel.)
“I’m learning to be ready to accept myself feeling ______. “
“I’m becoming more deliberate in being ready to feel ____.”
“I’m starting to actually feel ready to begin accepting to feel ____.”

Give it a try when the fear starts trying to hijack your thoughts. As Red Green used to say, “Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.”

06/02/2020

Food for thought

"...one cannot afford to lend a repetitive ear to the slanderer and the slander monger - for to do so is equivalent to feeding the subconscious mind with food that is poison and ruinous to creative thought." Napoleon Hill.

I strive to be mindful of what I hear, think and say about others because I value creative thinking, not destructive thinking.

What kind of food for thought do you partake in?

12/01/2020

What is your most
important relationship?

18/12/2019

Bird brain – insult or compliment?

Have you ever been called a bird brain? I have and I revealed in it. Now, you might think that the term bird brain is an insult. It sure is – to birds.

Think about it – birds are very focused creatures – food, shelter, and procreation. Humans, on the other hand, can be scatterbrained, a more fitting term than bird brain.

So, the next time someone refers to you as a bird brain, caw, quack, twitter (not the internet twitter either), or squawk a thank you to that person and flit on your merry way.

17/12/2019

What's your go-to method of getting through the holidays?

16/12/2019

"You owe it to yourself not to permit your emotions to place your happiness in the keeping of another person." Napoleon Hill.

Over the years I've put my happiness in the keeping of another person so many times it isn't funny. The resulting contrast is all my creation.

The question is, what to do about it? Abraham suggests to take the other person out of the equation and focus on finding better feeling thoughts.

Recently I put this into practice and as I was walking through the neighborhood trying to slow the momentum of indignant, hurt thoughts, I was stopped in my tracks by something that was written on the living room window of a house. "You are worthy, you are magnificent."

Just like that, out of the blue, a message from Source, from God, from my Inner Being. I stood there for a moment digesting this unexpected message that put a halt to the downward momentum.

I continued my walk and it began raining. Ahh, blessed, refreshing rain, washing away the negative vibe I had going on. I began seeing things through the eyes of Source/God, with appreciation and love. It worked like a charm.

Clarity came - I and I alone am responsible for my happiness. What about you?

30/11/2019

The holidays can be tough on those who are grieving the loss of a loved one. The how of the loss is less important than the fact that the feelings hurt like hell. If you’re one of those who are experiencing deep heartbreak, here’s an article I recommend you read. It’s about how gratitude can help one heal and overcome the pain of grief.

In addition, here’s a quick tip to help you ease the pain of grief. Take your attention off of the thoughts that are triggering your pain and put your attention on things that feel better. whatever they may be. Those things begin to become more plentiful, and those thoughts that hurt will become fewer and further between.

As Red Green used to say, “Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.”

Here’s the link to the article. https://whyy.org/segments/your-brain-on-gratitude-how-a-neuroscientist-used-his-research-to-heal-from-grief/

Gratitude journaling, it turns out, transformed the neuroscientist’s grief — and likely his brain.

28/11/2019

The holidays can be difficult, especially if there is family discord. Know that you don't have to suffer.

Here's a suggestion from one of my teachers, "No matter what the issue is, don’t try to justify why you don’t feel good. And don’t try to justify why you should feel differently. Don’t try to blame whatever it is you think the reason is that’s keeping you from feeling good. All of that is wasted effort. Just try to feel better right now."

Indeed, find a way to feel better right now: have a cup of coffee, text or better yet, call a friend, play with your children, play with the dog, eat a second helping of pumpkin pie ...

To quote Red Green, Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.

27/11/2019

Accurate knowledge. Often times in our personal lives we jump to conclusions and make assumptions that lead to heartbreak and grief. We owe it to ourselves and others to make sure our knowledge is accurate without encroaching on another's dignity.

21/11/2019

Being in a relationship can be stormy with each person struggling to assert themselves, to have the other acknowledge their worth and value. Misunderstandings lead to arguments and hurt feelings. And one's thoughts can run wild and lead to deeper emotional pain.

Tapping is an easy way to let go of the hurts. it's an easy way to reconnect again with feelings of ease and peace. Click on the link below if you're ready to go there.