26/11/2023
Why is the most beautiful place to live have to be the close to live? Maybe thats why everyone has the warmest hearts here, those cold hearted toxic people can't survive here. I'm saying this as serious as my usual smart ass is letting me. Aspen has to be the place created for those that have their golden angel wings ready for them in heaven. U can feel the kindness and love in the air when you walk out your door. I am so serious. Or maybe it just everyone is so happy when it is warm enough to walk outside again! Just saying it takes a good warm hearted soul to survive in freezing weather. That's my first opinion of trying to understand why I would never want to leave zero degrees to be a beach bum again!.
This is a good example of how my brain damage usually knows to keep my babbles to myself and stay away from Facebook . I just reminded myself of the other new good people in my life who give me the love and support that I had to search for online with strangers who instantly were not strangers anymore. The groups of all the chronically ill who just became invisible when they got infected by these organisms no one who doesn't live with someone who has it or doesn't have it them selves doesn't want to listen and hear what we who do have to say. No one ever asks me how I'm feeling , yet I've been suffering alone and have disappeared from everyone's life. Lost my ability to be what people expected from me and being to sick to show up for events and things anymore always so happy to be a part of whatever it was I was doing. As soon as I was unable to show up with the desserts and treats and my winning positive attitude, I was stuck in an isolation without away to get out and find the medical attention I needed. No one but one neighbor and dear friend who met me after I had been in isolation for years knew immediately what I needed and she was willing to give to safe my life when the whole world and everyone I knew turned and walked away without any thought that I couldn't fight this disease alone. I was again left to dye just like I was the night I was walking on the walking path on beach rd a few houses from my own and a drunk driver hit me from behind and left me there bleeding from my head and unconscious till the paramedics that strangers called for me came . I woke up to a fireman telling me not to move I had been hit by a car. And that's just the short story from the book I hope to write for my own peace I struggle to find. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me , I'm already so used to what people will think about me being negative and angry on Facebook . I don't give a s**t about what anyone thinks anymore. It never did me any good when I cared and I don't have the ability to handle any more disappointment or betrayal from anyone anymore. The only good thing for everyone now about me is I don't have energy to walk up the stairs so when I have these moments I can't control they are all the energy I have to share. Now I go back to my silence and loneliness and deep sadness for what has become of me and fighting with myself to please stop crying cuz I'm not ready to totally give upy fight to one day love life of some sort again. Thank you Elizabeth Kays ,thank you Kristin McKinney Fitzsimon thank you Tami Lynn LaVelle-Studer , thank you Bradley Donnan and thank you for keeping on trying to understand what this nightmare of vector born diseases have done to my brain and body mom, you haven't turned and left me as scary as this is for you, at your age no one else wants either one of us anymore, so we all we got left of any blood family, so THANK YOU mom for bringing there and putting up with this sick version of me , you are the only reason I can't give up. There is no choice for me but to take the daily suffering and keep surviving to pull it together another big time for you and move you here by May. You don't need to worry. I'm coming to get you in a few months. I am sorry if I forgot to thank someone. Obviously there's my lifesaving angel Kristin Nelson but she doesn't have anytime left on her days to read Facebook. Thankfully , I don't really want her to know I lost it on here. She is always so proper. If I could be half as proper as her. Not gonna happen, not given up the lo
Little bit of myself that I still have control of.
