Biography Minute: The Uniformative Non-Informational Information Page

08/13/2021

Attention all Biography Minute Employees, Volunteers, and Devoted Fans….
Please refer to Volume 32, Chapter 776, Line 12, Addendum IIV66R given out 2 years ago at the annual Dipsy Doodle DoodleOff. (Congrats again on the FourPeat Anthony!*)
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-“All baked goods created or reconstituted on the South-Eastern stove minutes from gate 9001/Detour HH shall be consumed immediately or be transported to a neutral location via approved Pyrex vessels”-
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Unfortunately John Paul has had a spill, yet again, going on a “down-about” to the basement to refill the magenta ink cartridge. 3rd shift security has recovered the Funnel Cake remains and we have several suspects in custody. We pride ourselves on transparency and due process, however this type of situation is becoming far too commonplace to remain at our current safety level of Tamarind Rind. The following graphic shall remain on display for the near future until business as usual resumes as a reminder of the shortcoming by us all as a community.
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To all a good night and may our Biography Heroes continue to flourish and make history!
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***Anthony is a 2 year old Chinchilla and may be stricken from victory records once the official investigation comes to a conclusion.
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07/30/2021

Gerold Clements. Originally named Jaroledinee97foraaaoinasodifgn Calamente9823hrlafuisd. First of his kind to suffer from the great typewriter malfunction of 1895. Many a child would suffer the same fate as Gerold, but if it wasn't for John, the typewriter mechanic. Being a worldwide phenomenon, John "Santa Claused" his was across the globe in one single night, fixing every typewriter he could find, so that new born babies could be named in the wishes of the Mother without all the "boiajsdfljkalwnskdjgvnalsiufvhlaiskjdvnaLSKDVN.....". Gerold still remembers the torment he suffered when the teacher would call roll. "Mathew Smith?....'Here!'. "Sandra Bullock?...." a-hem...'Here!'..
"Jaroledinee97foraaaoinasodifgn Calamente9823hrlafuisd?".................Is Jaroledinee97foraaaoinasodifgn Calamente9823hrlafuisd here?"
Here at Biography Minute, we solute you Gerold, and we solute you John the typewriter mechanic God like entity!

07/25/2021

Today Biography Minute focuses on Kanaaq “Polar Bear Cub” Kalimantan of the Eastern Inuit Community of Iceland. Kanaaq was instrumental in 990th the brisk Seal Hunter games located in Guðmundur, Iceland. Kanaaq is an aggressive former tradesperson who suffers from a severe phobia of bridges because he believed them to be enchanted by and Inuit mythical creature call a Taleelayuk a half whale half woman who captures men and threatens to devour them if they do not marry her. Later it would be revealed that the legend of the Taleelayuk was nothing more than a local woman named Malikkas Votk who was killing men in hopes of finding a suitable mate. Kanaaq is a dedicated worker and seal/whale hunter and was also instrumental in her apprehension by harpooning Malikkas while she attempted to escape into below freezing waters! Kanaaq Kalimantan we here at Biography Minute salute you!

07/24/2021

We’re baaaaack

Admiral Joshua Stockington of the 189th Royal Navel Combat on Her Majesty’s Royal Navy! Admiral Stokington or “Addy” to his constituents and fellow crew won the sea conflict of Kythira a small Peloponnese island 175 nautical miles south off the coast of Elafonisos! Admiral Stockington single handed sail his gun ship into a rowdy bunch of Kythiran Sea Wolves and turned the tide in favor of the British navel force! Little is known of this battle because of the Admiral’s later exploits which found him suffering from paranoid delusions of the battle and frequenting many taverns in South Wales naked with his metals pinned to his flesh chanting Kythirian war chants! Admiral lived the rest of his days in a small cottage in Newcastle over Tyne where he died at the age of 89. We here at Biograpy Minute salute you Admiral!!!

07/24/2021

Admiral Joshua Stockington of the 189th Royal Navel Combat on Her Majesty’s Royal Navy! Admiral Stokington or “Addy” to his constituents and fellow crew won the sea conflict of Kythira a small Peloponnese island 175 nautical miles south off the coast of Elafonisos! Admiral Stockington single handed sail his gun ship into a rowdy bunch of Kythiran Sea Wolves and turned the tide in favor of the British navel force! Little is known of this battle because of the Admiral’s later exploits which found him suffering from paranoid delusions of the battle and frequenting many taverns in South Wales naked with his metals pinned to his flesh chanting Kythirian war chants! Admiral lived the rest of his days in a small cottage in Newcastle over Tyne where he died at the age of 89. We here at Biograpy Minute salute you Admiral!!!