12/06/2022
I'm sorry if I've been awful at replying, staying in touch with everyone, everything going on, missing people's birthdays, not being as freed up with covid, being isolated, but not in the isolation that gives you the time to reflect, to allow you to reinvent yourself, find you're purpose, focus on yourself.
You see these past couple of years have been tough, on everyone, and more tough on other's than myself and my famly, however mine have been scary, too many hospital visits with baby cub, mums, and anxiety with it.
Insecurities, personally, and family, harddd times, unsettling times, bad luck all with two beautiful boys who have also been emotionally effected too.
When I've previously said, I'm tired, I'm stressed, I need a holiday, I'm worried, I'm sad, I'm lonely, I'm scared, i'm broke has been a unknown lie, I truly cannot express how much these lines have been the forefront of my daily mindset alongside my everyday real.
Family is everything, and when I have a bad day, if I didn't have my family quite simply I really do feel ild be in a mental home with padded walls.
But friends, true friends are far and few between and as much as this is own fault, I can hand on heart say, I truely barely have had any personal time to process and think about all the everyday things I have had to sacrifice to just get through the week, let alone the thought of everyone else's.
Yes it's a shut off, yes it's an emotional overload, but I can honestly say I have no more room in my mental health to take on other people's woes that I can't change.
I love everyone and want to always do all I can to help and heal everyone I can, but when my everyday is so strifed, it takes all my strength to just tick off another day.
Life with anxiety is hard, life with depression is hard, and trust me when I say its only as bad as you know it to be is the most truthful thing I have ever admitted to, but you can fight your deamons, you can push forward to be who you need to be for the people you love and the people who love you, but please give everyone patience, whether you've had it good and think you've had it bad, I promise, there is always someone whos had it worse.