Mo's Prose

15/09/2020

Things I often am:
Shocked, disgusted, enraged, saddened, overwhelmed, horrified
Things I very rarely am:
Offended

There is a major difference between these things. If someone came up to me and said that the food I had made them was the worst thing they had ever tasted in their life, I would take that personally and be offended.
If someone came up to me and said that as a queer/fat/disabled/non-binary person I am inherently bad or wrong, I would not feel offended. I would feel enraged and disgusted and shocked and overwhelmed. I would be sad that people like this still exist in society. But I would not be offended.
"Offended" seems to have become some kind of highly-charged insult by the "conservative" community. It has become an accusation of weak character when someone has voiced that they disagree with something and offer an example of how it impacts them (or people they know) personally. Frequently accusing people of being "offended" points to someone experiencing a lack of empathy and awareness.
Whenever I encounter a person in real life who is making comments about people being offended, it always feels surreal to me, because THEY are the one who actually seems offended! They are the one taking things personally! They are the ones speaking passionately at length about something they didn't like! Someone said something that they disagree with and they are the one complaining about it! For example - someone said Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas and they rant about "everyone being so offended these days" and "forcing" inclusion. They are the ones ranting about a two-word phrase! How do they not see the irony?

If someone shares a personal anecdote of something that has hurt or bothered them, and your first instinct is to accuse them of being offended - it sounds like you get really uncomfortable when people around you are experiencing tough emotions. You should work on that so you can have less emotional outbursts.
Also, even if what I was feeling WAS offense - are you not offended by racism/sexism/ableism/homophobia, etc.? Cuz that is pretty fu***ng embarrassing and you should find yourself offensive.

06/08/2020

In a facebook group I am in, as part of a larger discussion, a Black person asked for white people to give them examples of the every-day work they do to combat racism (to be clear, they were legitimately asking and wanted answers, it was not rhetorical to prove a point).
What do you do (this IS rhetorical)? If you are a white person, you need to be actively anti-racist, every single day, or else you are contributing to racism just by being quiet about it.
Here is what I said, and while I think the "starting point" can be a useful reference for folks, the stuff that I personally do on a daily basis is not the only stuff you can do. There is so much anti-racist work to be done, and it definitely does not all look like what I do. I am obviously also not trying to "toot my own horn" by posting this. If you need recognition or a "thank you" for doing anti racist (or any anti oppressive) work, you are definitely doing it wrong.

This was a process - it started with shutting the f**k up and listening attentively to black people and reading what they have to say. Then it started with me slowly trying to interrupt racist discourse if I knew a way to prove them wrong - and if I didn't I went back and read and listened more until I found the answer. It also took a lot of self-reflection (still does) to find the subtle and glaring racism in me and try to get rid of it. I learned that if a Black person in my life is telling me I am being racist, they are giving me a gift and doing me a favour. It is an opportunity to be a better person, and it means they likely want me to stay in their lives if I can cut out the bullsh*t.I learned that when I feel defensive, it means I am wrong and need alone time to reflect and think and then apologize to and thank that person and think of tangible ways not to repeat that mistake.
These days, I feel I have enough information to disrupt any racism I hear and see. I tell myself that when I am feeling "iffy" about interrupting racism, it is because I am prioritizing the feelings of white people over black. Then I remind myself that I am trying to be actively anti-racist (because it is either that or be actively racist) and I speak up.
I don't hold back. I point it out whenever I see it, even and especially to my family.
I used to be able to show up as front lines in protests - I am now too disabled to do that. So I have tried to take on the role of educator (of white people) and use my social media platforms to promote the voices of people of colour and "clear up" any discrepancies. I make myself available on a daily basis to answer questions my followers/friends/family have about racism so that the people of colour in their lives are not being asked these questions. I also know that whatever I do, it is never enough, so I have to do well every day.

30/07/2020

I've been seeing a lot of posts about whether or not it's ok to "unfriend" someone over an opinion. We all know that an opinion is something like your preference for chocolate/vanilla or coffee/tea. But it goes deeper than that. We are talking about human rights, not opinions.
There is also discussion about how people with privilege need to not be unfriending people over differences of opinion, that it is white people's job to show up and stand up for people of colour. Also a billion percent true.
I believe there is some nuance to this - everyone can experience burnout. It is important to prioritize your time (including with strangers on the internet):
There are definitely people who act out of ignorance and are not intending to be cruel. These people are usually easy to reach if you can give them several strong examples of how their beliefs directly harm people, and are open to answering their questions without judgment.
There are people who are both ignorant and flippant. They don’t know and they don’t care that they don’t know. Some of these people can be reached by providing hard facts (and sometimes following up with the examples of harm/cruelty).
Some of the people in the ignorant and flippant group don’t necessarily go out of their way to harm people, but truly don’t care if “some people get hurt” when they make “jokes” or “believe in tradition”, but over time might make small (but important) changes such as removing words from their vocab, such as the R word.
Then there are people who are vocally opposed to human rights for all. I have never once had an impact on the people from this group despite hundreds of hours of trying. The people in this category are very calculating and are good at recruiting and organizing. They have planned tactics, both online and in person, to wear down the people who are willing to put in the hundreds of hours they think it might take to reach these people. These people get burnt out - speaking from personal experience.
People who are committed to dedicating time to reaching others regarding the various facets of oppression need to be able to assess the people they are dealing with and prioritize their energy. I am willing to have conversations with people about just about anything, but if you steadfastly defend your “right” to oppress others (including advocating for others to not have all the human rights) then I need to excuse myself to preserve the energy you are clearly trying to waste so I can spend it on others, especially the ignorant/flippant group.
People who are part of the oppressed group(s) that are being discussed typically have way less energy to discuss their own access to human rights, and are often already burnt out from doing so. People in said oppressed groups don’t owe anybody anything. Allys of said oppressed groups do. And everyone, allys and the people experiencing the oppression alike, need to know how, where, and when to spend that precious energy. That absolutely applies to people in your personal life, including friends. As someone who falls into many categories of oppression (and privilege), I don’t feel safe with people who don’t think everyone on earth deserves human rights, and I certainly can’t have a friend like that.

30/07/2020