Doula Keelia

24/09/2023

Birth story extra details, or pt 5/4, from my secondborn's birth in 2022: A few hours before labor started, dear friend Cherie spontaneously stopped by and sat with me for a while. This is someone who I've deeply resonated with since our first connection--something about us both being Asian & q***r, parents & birthworkers, and both growing up internationally, and something just about their spirit? Basically a visit from this beloved human was the best surprise. They brought me food, gentle understanding, and exactly the grounding presence I needed. Contractions had been coming and going all day, but I'd been hiding them from everyone, not wanting to hope labor was finally starting.

Cherie noticed immediately though (the smallest intake of breath, a slight shift in weight--iykyk). They told me that they weren't going to offer me their opinion on when this baby was coming, that all I had to do was stay steady and follow my body. They also offered me a small stone to hold in case I needed something solid to hold on to through labor, whenever it started.

A few hours later it truly felt like I couldn't get through contractions without holding that tiny rock in my fist. I turned down offers of massage or a shower or bath--all of that felt too soft for some reason--but something literally rock solid in my hand was the perfect anchor. In that dim haze of laborland it felt like the stone was offering some of Cherie's solid, supportive presence to me somehow.

Part of me is glad it won't fit onto my baby's (extremely amateur) scrapbook page so I can wait and offer it to the next birthing person who needs that lifting up at the right time.

Cherie, love, thank you for everything, as always 💙

28/08/2023

I ask my clients if they'd mind me taking photos of them with their little ones to share with them later, and they almost always love the idea. Then in the same moment they realize they have almost no pictures together; it's usually the parent who's behind the camera.

I'm the same way-- tons of pics of my kids with everyone else, and none of me with them. So when my sister in law shared these with me I was thrilled (even though I hadn't dressed up and my kiddo was trying to stick their fingers in my mouth).

Having any reminder of my time with them in their early years, especially when we weren't dressed up or posing for a nice picture, is so precious. Thank you .r.fraser 😍

22/10/2022

Birth story, pt 4/4: She's 6 months old.

Rey can sit up, she can almost stand (!?), and she communicates with little squawks and burbles when she wants to be picked up, fed, or changed. She laughs hard and smiles with her entire face. She worships her older brother and he's adored her from the start. She mercifully sleeps for about 12 hours every night, though she still eats twice a night, which I'm fine with. Especially since she's our last baby, I'm hanging on to all of these moments of late night snuggling and nursing because I know she'll grow up as soon as I blink.

Final thoughts: I'm so grateful we have her. I'm so grateful I got to carry her. I'm so grateful I got to birth her, and that I got to birth her in the place and with the people I wanted. And as she bounces around in her little bouncy swing next to me right now, I'm so grateful for this chapter, getting to support her as she grows into her own person. Cheers to Rey and her arrival 🥂

PC: 🙏🏼

22/10/2022

Birth story pt 3/4: Almost immediately, postpartum depression came for me.

I was still deeply in love with her, but in my experience, things like being in love can be true while waves of depression still incessantly crash over me for months at a time. It wasn't just depression, though--it was anxiety, and it was severe PTSD leftover from years ago. Things I thought I had worked through reared their heads in the wee hours of the morning as I sat rocking my baby back to sleep.

Thankfully I had an incredible partner, postpartum doula, countless friends, and now a therapist who have all helped immensely with the intrusive thoughts. But those weeks--even though they had many beautiful moments--were immensely challenging for me.

I share this to help normalize the experience.

As a birth worker, I knew all the signs to look out for and I had access to all the right resources, and I still had a very hard time just getting through each day. All while I was blissfully in love with this tiny human who I was bonding with easily--both were true.

It's slowly gotten better, helped by my community, by getting better sleep, by therapy. Every day gets a little easier.

Image description: Rey and I are outside. Rey is lying down on her back and I'm leaning over her. We're smiling at each other, and Rey is touching my face.

22/10/2022

Birth story pt 2/4: "You don't have to like labor."

My midwife said this to me between contractions at one point, and it was oddly the perfect encouragement. It helped me feel free to just labor the way I needed to, which was grouchily. 😊 I scowled when I wanted, shook my head a few times, and stuck with my swaying and breathing as the waves came and went.

Then I had a contraction that brought me to my knees. I'd heard former birth clients say that before, and now I knew what they meant. 😄 After only 3 hours of labor (which looked and felt like early labor) one contraction forced me on to all fours, and for the first time I let out a roar. It felt great.

I roared for the next contraction, too. Then as the third arrived I remember blurting out, "Baby's coming, get the housemates." (we live with two dear friends of ours, and I really wanted them to be present for the birth)

I happened to be on our kitchen floor at the time. There was no way I was moving, and no one asked me to--this baby was just going to be born right here, next to the laundry closet.

Within 15 minutes, little Rey Ocean was born and lifted up into my arms. I lay on my side, curled around her, and said, "Hi." She smelled heavenly, and an explosive wave of joy and tears washed over me. She's here. It's over. She's here. She's crying, and her lungs sound great. Everything is great. She's just here in my arms.

The specific way Rey came out was also special: she was born in an unbroken sac up until her shoulders. This meant her head came out in a big, encased bubble of water. The sac burst as the rest of her body emerged, so she was born on a tidal wave. More on this in the comments, if you're interested.*

We had already picked out her middle name, Ocean, and that plus being born partially in the sac, plus her Chinese zodiac being a water tiger, added up to a pretty cool combination of circumstances.

We were over the moon.

22/10/2022

Birth story pt 1/4: I was not in a good mood.

I kept having contractions that annoyingly didn't go anywhere, keeping me up at night when I was desperate to rest after running (read: waddling) around with my toddler around all day.

I was so done being pregnant. Even though I was overjoyed to carry this baby (we'd lost our last one in a very painful miscarriage), my body has always had a hard time with pregnancy. Intense nausea that lasted well into the second trimester, p***c symphysis dysfunction that made it feel like my pelvis was falling apart, back pain so severe that I would crawl to get around the house.

All this to say, grumpy wasn't how I wanted to feel during pregnancy or birth. I wanted to feel at least somewhat welcoming towards this labor that would be arriving any day, ready in a way that wasn't just to escape the discomfort of pregnancy. But it didn't feel like I was welcoming labor, it felt more like I was saying, "Get in here already, and be quick about it."

Like I said--bad mood. 🙃

Then the day before Earth Day, while my partner and I did our end-of-day house tidying, I started slipping into labor land, pausing every few minutes to close my eyes. The contractions were sticking this time, and they were gradually ramping up. It was finally happening.

The birth team arrived quietly in the background, but as with my first birth I didn't want anyone to touch or talk to me. The only exceptions were that I absolutely needed to lean my entire weight on my partner as soon as a contraction started, and I needed my doula () to tell me to breathe in (for some reason, it felt impossible to breathe unless they specifically told me 🤷🏻‍♀️).

I was so glad labor had arrived, SO excited to meet my baby, but it still just felt like hard work. And it is, it always is, but with my first labor I was at least able to smile. That was not going to happen this time.

PC: 🙏🏼

Image description: A close up of my pregnant belly as I sit cross legged on a beach. I'm wearing black pants and a black bra, and my arms are wrapped around my belly.

11/07/2021

Still the baby's favorite way to hang out. I know it'll change eventually, but damn I love these early year snuggles 😍

24/04/2021

Leo & I are doing our for the countless survivors we know, so that they can receive the support they deserve, and so that Leo & all our children can grow up in a culture that is safer, more respectful, and actively fights r**e culture. Thanks for hosting this virtual event 🙏🏼

21/04/2021

What a week. If you need support, Brooke and I are here for you.

Come through this weekend for our monthly circle:

Sunday, April 25th, 1pm-3pm PST/ 4pm-6pm EST

This circle is open to folks of all identities & positions within reproductive care.

🌵 Virtual gathering will be held via Zoom

🌵 Live captioning will be available

We invite you to share space with other birth & postpartum workers for connection, community, and guidance around cultivating sustainable, intersectional & liberational approaches to birthwork.

Whether you have questions about current clients, setting up your business, or you just want to be in a space with others on this journey, we would love for you to join us.

Because we want to keep the space intimate, there are limited spots available, even though we've sold out every past circle.

Link in bio to register. Looking forward to sharing space with you. 🌱

20/03/2021

I know it's been a heavy week. And I know for me, the support of fellow BIPOC birthworkers has meant everything. Having a community to be present with you, and to learn & heal alongside you, makes all the difference.

For birthworkers still looking for that community amongst BIPOC folks, some amazing colleagues and I have teamed up once again to host the 10-week ☀️Birth Bruja BIPOC Birthwork Mentorship Program☀️

The first cohort's experience was special beyond words, and we're super excited to welcome cohort 2!

If you or any BIPOC birthworker you know is interested, share with them today because applications are due this weekend.

Applications are due TOMORROW. More info: https://www.birthbruja.com/bipoc-mentorship-program1.html

18/03/2021

When I was a new birthworker I had all the enthusiasm, all the energy, and I felt like I was just bursting with information and passion for this work. In my experience, though, finding community in the birth world wasn't easy.

I was so excited to make friends and share resources and stories, but I felt like I kept running into the same walls:

☀️ Birthworkers with more experience than me didn't seem thrilled that I was joining this industry. Sometimes I felt like they treated me with downright chilliness. It seemed like they assumed that just because they'd been doing this for longer than me, they were better birthworkers than I was.

☀️ Some just made me feel like instead of community, it was all about competition. Like we had to fight each other for clients, instead of collaborate to better serve our communities.

☀️ It was especially hard to find birthworkers who looked like me (other BIPOC, but there is also a huge lack of Asian-identifying birthworkers), or anyone who prioritized providing care to people OTHER than cis, het, white, middle-class, 2-parent families. I felt alone, and like my reasons for doing this work were very different than the people's around me.

I tried hard. I went to gathering after gathering for months, and I so clearly remember when I found the birthworker circle for me. It was hosted by other BIPOC birthworkers, and I felt genuinely welcomed instantly.

Brooke () and I are striving to create a virtual version of that sense of belonging, of a freedom to share thoughts, ask questions, or just be in the presence of others who are walking the same road as you. If you'd like to join us, we meet virtually every last Sunday of the month, including next Sunday, March 28, 1pm Pacific Time, 4pm Eastern Time.

Link in bio to sign up. We're so excited to share space with you 😊

19/02/2021

This one was a lot of fun to record, even if it features a somewhat embarrassing story of mine 😄

Repost from
• • • • • •

We wanted to start the New Lunar Year off with some laughter. From body fluid spills to cringey moments with clients, Ajira and Keelia share several short stories about funny happenings in the birth room from their own and other birthworkers' experiences.

A huge thank you again to everyone who submitted a short story! We so wish we'd gotten to share all the stories that were submitted, but we hope to include them in future episodes.

ID: Overlayed on top of a drawing of a moon, text reads: "New Episode: When You're in the Birth Room Trying to Hold in a Laugh, or a Fart"

Transcript available at doulastories.com

12/01/2021

It's been a lot, y'all. Come share space with other birthworkers wondering the same thing on Sun, Jan 31st, in the BirthBruja Birthwork Mentorship Circle hosted by myself and the sensational Brooke Patmor 💚 We'll be here for some connection, community and guidance on the last Sunday of every month, 1pm Pacific Time, 4pm Eastern, starting Jan 31st.

Registration link in bio. Live captioning will be available. Looking forward to seeing you there 🌱

18/11/2020

You may want to only take pics of the baby during those first few weeks -- those teeny feet! -- but don't forget to get the occasional photo of YOU with your newborn! They don't have to be glamorous or staged (do you see this hair?). Just occasional shots to remember what this chapter of your life was like. Whether they end up being photos you have framed on your wall, or just a keepsake to remind you of your own strength in getting through that haze of tiredness, it'll be worth it.

And then to my fellow postpartum doulas: when appropriate and welcome, snap a quick picture of you client with their baby! It'll only take a second, and when you text it to them later they'll probably really appreciate it 💙

ID: I (Keelia) am standing in front of windows holding my sleeping baby on my chest. I'm wearing a white tank top and my hair is a mess, and the baby is wearing a grey shirt and tiny blue jeans and has their arms wrapped around me like they're giving me a hug.

09/11/2020

28/10/2020

Baby wearing 💕 I find that especially during intense times--pandemic, election, or if I'm having a personally hard day--being close to each other eases us both.

Then of course there are the zillions of other benefits: keeping the baby warm, giving the baby the comforting sense of being back in the womb, promoting lactation for a new chestfeeding parent, helping oxytocin flow, allowing the baby to be held while the parent has hands free to multitask... the list goes on and on. My little one's getting pretty big, but I'll be doing this as long as I can.

And yes, that's a hoodie that I'm wearing that comes with a front pocket & hood for the baby 😄 This and overalls were the only 2 new items of clothing I bought when I got pregnant.

06/10/2020

You CAN change your doctor to someone you trust! Yesterday I had my first visit with a new doctor and it was miles away from how I wanted to be treated. After finding out I used to live in Uganda, he told me that he had considered going to Uganda to "find himself a wife," but his friend told him that "all the women there are s***s and have AIDS." This is within THE FIRST 2 MINUTES of meeting me. The appointment went even further downhill from there: he tried to mansplain my job to me, and made a point of sharing his racist and fatphobic opinions about Asian, Black, and Latine patients he had treated in the past. It was truly astounding how much awfulness he was able to fit into a 15 minute interaction, even after I told him how horrible the things he was saying were and asked him to stop. I left the appointment with the prescription I needed, went home and found a different doctor.

Although this fella is an extreme example, most of us (especially QTBIPOC folx) can recall interactions with health care providers where we didn't feel completely comfortable for some reason or another. You deserve to have your body and mind treated with dignity and respect. Your care provider should listen to your voice and your body language, and never do anything that makes you feel unsafe or devalued.

I know the extra phone calls can be tough, and sometimes insurance limits our options, but if you can't switch to a different clinic or hospital you can always call the front desk and ask to see a different doctor within the same practice. And you always have the option of sharing feedback with the doctor's office, or posting a Yelp review 😜 *heads over to Yelp*

14/09/2020

I miss outside. Being in fresh air is such good medicine. I teach parents that if their little one is having a hard time coming down from feeling distressed, once you step outside with them something about the sun and breeze eases them, often immediately.

And for parents too, while on their healing journey postpartum, sometimes five minutes in the sun can make all the difference--no hikes yet, or anything strenuous, but just a step out their front door or a cracked window can rejuvenate the entire day.

But right now, our windows are closed as the land burns. May this period be a humbling reminder of how well the earth cares for us, and a call for us to care better for our earth ☀️

26/07/2020

Why am I offering this workshop? When I started out as a birthworker, the hustle to bring in enough clients was rough. The advice I’d heard at various workshops on “how to get clients” was shared from a place of immense privilege. Usually the folks presenting were middle- to upper-class white cis women in double income households who had started their doula businesses when the internet wasn't really a thing, so the advice they were giving me wasn’t that relevant.

Instead I had a couple birthworker friends who took me under their wing and shared ALL the helpful wisdom with me: little things like how to get your profile to the top of online doula directories, bigger things like how to approach an interview, and deeper things like how to trust in my gifts and identity as a birthworker—advice I would’ve taken months, or years, to learn otherwise. Since then I’ve built 2 successful birthworker businesses from scratch in cities with no previous connections, and I’m so thrilled to pass all of that information on to BIPOC birthworkers. Sign up at birthbruja.com
🐝 (partial or full scholarships available

15/07/2020

say her name. This is why we do this work.

"If black people are less likely to be believed, either in recognizing their own symptoms or in explaining to their healthcare systems what their symptoms are, and they don’t receive the care they need, what are they supposed to do?”

The maternal mortality rate has been on the rise since the 1990s — especially among women of color

05/06/2020

*parenthood. I've seen every one of these scenarios play out multiple times for the families I support. Repost from

28/04/2020

Here's everything you need to know as a pregnant person or doula about COVID-19 and pregnancy/birth. I 100% vouch for this source's signature articles-- they're the most comprehensive, accurate, up-to-date and objective resource I've ever found for my clients. Evidence is only one factor when you're figuring out what's best for you and your family, but this is the best way to stay updated on what that one piece looks like.

Coronavirus COVID-19 | Evidence Based Birth® Resource Page A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM DR. REBECCA DEKKER Founder and CEO of Evidence Based Birth® Hi Everyone, It’s Rebecca, here. I know this is an uncertain time and many are feeling a range of emotions. Our goal remains the same: to provide you with...

02/04/2020

To help expecting families during covid-19, I'm now offering sliding scale virtual birth & postpartum support! 👩🏻‍💻 If you need help figuring out your birth options, navigating labor, or learning how to cloth diaper or babywear or do paced feeding etc etc, I'd be happy to help! New families need extra support right now as they face transitioning into parenthood in the middle of a crisis. You've got this, and we're here to help!

01/03/2020

What a great idea 😂

All across the country, babies born on Leap Day this year are being dressed as frogs, and the photos are absolutely adorable. Because February 29th only comes around once every four years, it's reason...

28/02/2020

🤣 genius!

26/02/2020

Have I mentioned I love babies? Baby Jack is no exception. Ever since I was tiny I've been thinking up ways to ask parents if I can hold their baby yet again, no matter how cranky or covered in poo they are. Kiddos of all ages are so smart, so magical, and so deserving of our respect and love. Here's to hoping they become more integrated into adult spaces so we can all learn how to better care for them and include them in our lives, and so that I can hold more of them 😄

Baby credit: Al & Lilian 💙

05/02/2020

Did you know that you can donate breastmilk? There are always families that need it, either because they're struggling with their own milk supply or because the parent(s) don't have the ability to breastfeed. If you or someone you know has milk to spare in their freezer, reach out to a local lactation consultant to find the families nearby who could use the help!

20/01/2020

Truth :)

12/12/2019

It was actually during baby Arline's birth that I started suspecting that I was pregnant. And now here she is, a couple weeks before I'm due, giving my baby tips on how to navigate a pelvis 😊