It's Worth A Read

11/03/2017

"happy women's day!" a text from a friend reads
almost like there's som**hing to celebrate
almost like i don't celebrate myself every single day
almost like this one day isn't being passed off
as a huge step for gender equality
almost like the world's doing us a favor
by giving us recognition for our feats //being women// almost as though i need his validation
don't get me wrong, he obviously meant well
it isn't his fault he was taught to celebrate
almost half the world's population, on one designated day
my phone almost hangs
from family groups being spammed
with wishes. husbands appreciating their wives
women appreciating each other
kids appreciating their mothers and sisters
the husbands who "allowed" their wives to work
and for some reason take pride in it
for some reason take credit for the success
for some reason think it was their decision to make
in the first place
the same brothers, who stopped their sisters
from going out at night
because every day isn't women's day
because out of the 365 days in a year
it is okay to not celebrate a woman for 364
especially if she's wearing a skirt
and god forbid she's wearing lipstick
the same boys who think
i'm funny, "for a girl"
who patronize (and vehemently appreciate) me
for playing a sport
the same women, who after sharing these posts
will give their daughters reasons
that start with "if you were a boy..." the same women who
give credit to their husbands
for "letting them work"
because they truly believed
it was their decision to make
in the first place
the same women who
are okay with being invisible tomorrow
because atleast the world remembers
to "empower" them today
the same women
who really aren't at fault
that they weren't brought up to believe
that every day is women's day
the same women
who really aren't at fault
that they were brought up to believe
this pseudo empowerment they receive//

aayu

17/11/2016

nature's singing her glorious melody, are you listening?
it's in her gusty winds, in her leaves ever glistening
it's in the sound of her crashing waves, reminding you of her forbidding power
to destroy you
it's in the beaming of her sun rays, reminding you of the infinite warmth she harbors
which fuels the life around you
it's in the gushing of the lone stream
reminding you that time will wait for noone
it's in the shifting of seasons
reminding you the only thing that is constant, is change
it's in autumn, telling you to let go of anything if it doesn't help you grow
it's in spring, telling you that that from damage and loss, one day you will heal
nature's always teaching you lessons, but are you learning?

01/12/2015

The combined product of an impregnable sore throat, tastebud tantalising green tea, non existent desire to study, and a (futile?) attempt at conveying my rather muddled opinions~

Why do we put ourselves into little boxes, in the unfruitful attempt to escape our existing ones? This is a dynamic of society that has always pricked the back of my mind, and how to put it into words, I still don't quite understand. I'll try my level best.
I read about a boy who walked into a nursery with black nail paint on, and was immediately bombarded with platitudes like "You're a boy! You're not supposed to wear that." Few years ago, my brother would refuse to wear pink because it was a 'girls' color'.
Right, so our behaviour, our choices, likes, dislikes - according to society - are determined entirely by which gamete fertilized the egg. So much for freedom of choice.
But in our futile attempt to escape this societal restriction imposed upon us, we only further affirm it. We label ourselves "androgynous", "gender fluid" and this gives us the licence to behave both masculine and feminine, but why?
Why not, instead of transferring yourself into another little box, completely abolish the one you're in right now, and never live in one again? You may be a boy, but go ahead and rock that dress, and don't give any explanations, don't seek permission from your labels.
It's okay for a boy, any boy, not just a 'gender fluid' boy, to put on makeup.
Girl? Love other girls? Go ahead, you don't have to put yourself into the gay box.
It's okay for any girl, not just a le***an girl, to love other girls.
There's nothing like 'boy clothes' or 'girl clothes'. What we wear is an expression of who we are, what we're feeling. Express yourself however you want to!
Don't let gender become more than it is, your reproductive organs. Mentally, we're all human. You can't think like a boy, or like a girl, or like a straight or gay person, because these stereotypes should not exist, we've let them overpower us over the years.
Why do we label people who are different from the mmajority of us as "q***r"? In trying to make them feel one with the "regular" (read: another societal stereotype) human, we still outcast them as q***r.
I really hope I'm actually putting across what I'm trying to say.
Don't let society weigh you down with all its labels. We're all different, we have our own choices. Assert your individuality, it is a changing paradigm, and don't let a label define it.
You don't have to justify your choices. Be you, unapologetically, wholly, without any explanations or labels, YOU.

31/10/2015

11:10pm.
"Why're you so late?" "Flight got delayed. I'm sorry."
Opened the paper next morning. "200 die in plane crash, no survivors."
She ran to his room. There he was, smiling at an empty mirror.

Happy Halloween you guys!

17/10/2015

you, yes you
don't you see that bustling fiery ball
of massive, massive potential
within you?

enough potential to move mountains
to set the entire world on fire
to jump over the moon, to touch the stars
to have anything that you desire
you can change the world
for better or for worse, but I trust your discretion
You can save the world, from hunger, from poverty
from complete and utter devastation

will you waste that kind of potential
will you waste that groundbreaking energy
by not believing in yourself?
will you get through life, ignoring its very presence?
you are a fiery ball of potential
you are a star

-aayu

25/09/2015

we're all living through our own nightmares
we're all dealing with our own hell
we've all been run over multiple times
by our train of thought, from the past
we've been smacked, rather hard
right in the face, by reality
when our dreams won't take us anymore, as refugees
refuge, from the persistent tortures of our past
from the shadows they've cast
on our vibrant souls
leaving us with the illusion that happiness will never last

the entire world seeks refuge,
every single person is a refugee
running away from his own thoughts
some seeking escape from their own bodies
some wanting to hide from their dark secrets
some seeking a new home
after the one person who was their home has long forfeited them

come to me, I will wrap you in my arms
I will envelope you with my warmth
I will surround our safe haven
with the forbidding army of my words
I will bar every window
to keep away the bad dreams
I will make you forget entirely
how horrible the world now seems

16/09/2015

don't ever let happiness scare you
don't wait for things to go wrong
even rainbows have a streak of blue
but they don't let it overpower
the quintessential happiness they exude

08/09/2015

yes, i'm scared
i'm scared of not being
your 2 am call
i'm downright petrified
petrified of not being
your human diary

i'm fearful that one day
you will look at me
and feel nothing at all
i'm anxious, perplexed
every single time we talk
about losing your interest

i'm scared that one day
this anxiety will consume me
i'll stop wanting to be this way
so i'll stop trying, won't try at all
and i'm most scared by the thought
of realizing you never cared anyway
you never needed me to stay
you didn't need me the same way
i know that what we had
has begun to decay

~ aayu

28/08/2015

Perfect winter evening
Almost like a vintage poloroid
The chilly drying my lips
But the coffee warming my hands

Sweater a few sizes too big
Hair almost resembling a bird's nest
Feet all cozy in warm yellow socks
Eyes gazing at the giant rocks

I sat there wondering
Why we even long for the city
For the toxic air to make our eyes gritty
For the cacophany of honking cars
And revving bikes
The sky overcast with a layer of smoke
Hiding from our sight a distant tree
Where once a solitary bird broke
Into a sound melody

How does one explain this obsession with chaos
Where no one has the time to stop and admire the little things
Like the dewdrops on the grass
How pretty her hair is in those flowers
The constellations made by those heavenly stars

That the sun's shining brighter today
That happiness is forever here to stay
How your favorite fur jacket is beginning to fray
But you know you're going to wear it anyway

That first time you danced with her
When her glowing eyes began to stir
The most happiness you'd ever felt in a while
The time your mother
On your eighteenth birthday
Realized her hair had began to gray
And cried about you leaving some day
Ready to face the world by yourself

We're so entwined in the big picture
That we forget to remember
We forget to notice
We forget to cherish
The little things that make us human
The little things that make life worth living

-Aayu

16/07/2015

A friend asked me to write about "Letting go", and write I did.

Letting Go~

Sounds rather easy, doesn't it? "Let go." Let go of that memory, let go of that person. It's also rather simple, let go and it will cease to bother you.
What people fail to notice, is all the emotions that this 'letting go' drains you of. It takes one forever to achieve that special connection, several meetings with a myraid of people to find someone one even vaguely enjoys the company of, and suddenly things go haywire and you have to let go. The universe can be rather sadistic, don't you think?
What about that one incident that changed you forever? That one incident which tarnished your utopian view of the world. How do you let go of som**hing that played such a pivotal role in further increasing your already abundant insecurities? How does one let go of memories that refuse to stop plaguing one's mind, flood their brains with fear, with grotesque images, unbelievable depression.

Well listen up, if you're even vaguely human, you're going to need this.
Letting go is a Herculean task, but you know what? Your heart is no lesser than Hercules himself. It has kept you alive all these years, beating tirelessly, like a perfect machine, through all your heartbreaks, all your disappointments, all the nights you cried yourself to sleep, all the nights you knew you wouldn't make it, the nights you didn't want to make it, and it will get through this too. This too, shall pass. This too, will pass. I promise you that.

PS: That little bit about the universe being sadistic? Yeah, I didn't mean it. The universe will love you, if you love yourself enough to let go of things that make you love yourself less.

30/04/2015

Dear daddy,
It's been 18 years since I never saw you
Mumma told me you cried when I was born
Because all along, you'd wished for a daughter

All these years, you left me forlorn
Learning how to ride a bicycle on my own
She told me you're a champ when it comes to hockey
Last year we won the first place trophy,
If only you could've been there to see
If only you could've been here to say "That's my little girl!", and hug me

I have a vague image of what you're like
I spent hours sifting through pictures of you
I have your light freckles, clustered above my cheeks
I have your eyes, intensely brown but beautiful
Apart from that, nothing else quite strikes
Except maybe our mutual love for blue
Oh, I must say I do love your blue jumper
I still wear it when I miss you

Ah, mom told me you loved the rain
She told me how you'd drag her outside and dance with her
As the tiny droplets fell harder and harder
It's raining right now, as I write to you
How I wish I could make you feel the cool breeze
Make you smell the intoxicating petrichor
I really hope you danced outside the last time it rained
I really hope they let you be yourself in there

Oh daddy, I love all the poems you wrote
One almost gave me an achey throat
I got asked out to the school dance yesterday
He's a nice boy, I'm sure you'd like him
We've decided to wear black and gray
Because that's what mom and you wore on that very day

Everytime I thought about you,
Through my mind, just one question ran
Why did you let vengeance get the better of you?
Why did you have to kill that innocent man?
Now I've done my waiting, eighteen years of it
But you're a habit I still find impossible to quit.

27/04/2015

Here's a little daily inspiration~

Work, until you can
Almost taste your dream
Keep driving on this winding path
And don't stop, even when your insides scream

You see the finish line, distant
Ribbon stretched, trophies on a rack
You also see the red hot coals
Laden mercilessly on your very track

You will burn yourself on the way
You know this for a fact
But when you step on that finish line
You will stay true to the pact
You made with yourself in the start
And the burn will remain
A mere battle scar

So brace yourself for the nights
When you'll want to stop driving
And grace your future
With the gift of mindless striving

23/04/2015

Rising From the Ashes of Doubt~

Injured, emotionally, beyond every measure
Sometimes her wildest dreams were her only treasure
Everyday, her success was being undermined
She was almost exhausted from this daily grind
When once again, her hope was revoked
Only to be shattered furthermore

But no, she is a strong girl
No matter what doubts, what accusations towards her they'd hurl
She'd dodge them all
Because one day, she will stand tall
On the mighty tower of her successes
With only their rebukes to thank
Finally, beyond all her second guesses

31/03/2015

Starting the book Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro today. Review coming up soon! (For real this time, I swear)

21/03/2015

A little som**hing in honour of World Poetry Day.

She took refuge
In the old dusty pages
Of thirty year old books
In the brown rusty swings
Of abandoned parks
She'd often drown herself
In the bottomless ocean
Of awe inspiring words
She lost herself
In the star filled sky
And found herself
In the pen she'd wield
From time to time
She'd often get sucked
Into a black hole
Of infinite conundrums
And not even once
Did she resist this force
For she was always looking
To hide behind safe doors
But all this while
There lingered one thing
In the back of her mind
Som**hing she hadn't
Quite figured out yet
"But what am I running from?"

20/02/2015

Wrote this because I couldn't sleep, ironically enough - because of my mind.
Here's what came of that.

My mind
It's like a dog I can't possibly leash
It wanders, wanders, wanders
Exploring every little niche
Every single scenario
That the human mind can fathom

My mind,
It's like the universe
Expanding exponentially, having no defined boundary
Sometimes it almost feels like a curse
And from this fluster of thoughts
I wish to flee

My mind
Is a tangled mess
Of my string of thought
Oh, it often goes from "tangled mess"
To un-openable knot

But I like delving
Into this deep abyss of my mind
For without food for thought
Don't you feel the mind would rot?

-Aayu

15/02/2015

Here's the first poem I ever wrote, back in 8th grade I think.

The Day I Died~

Oh how ironic it is,
The day I was born, that day I died.
Mummy saw me, she frowned,
Papa wanted me drowned.
There I was in her lap,
Taking a little nap,
I could feel the restlessness in her body, Her thoughts probably gory.

Then my granny entered the room,
Interrupiting the neverending gloom,
I gave her a silent smile,
All she did was stare a while,
Straight at me; she seemed to look through me.

Soon the doctor entered the room,
Carried me off from the gloom,
I could hear my mother’s sobs,
Sense my father’s agonizing thoughts.
The sweet nurse hugged me a while,
And kept me on a bed so high,
I felt a pinch on my hand,
In a second, I was in a different land.

God greeted me with great joy,
Told me they wanted a boy.

-Aayu

17/01/2015

I was casually procrastinating on Facebook, when a friend (Raunak) and I wrote this poem together. A tribute to our oldest enemy, math.

Math is the reason families are torn apart
Math is the reason children are starving
Math is the reason behind soldiers fighting
Math is the reason I spend most nights crying
Math is the reason the ozone layer is depleting
Math is the reason my heart's forever fleeting
Math is the reason illegal immigrants are fleeing
Math is the reason that kid's almost peeing
Math is the true reason behind treason
Math is behind the change of season
But remember kids
Do math, not m**h
Because one thing it doesn't lead to
Is silent death

16/01/2015

Oh, Sweet Escape

She was the very embodiment
Of my every dream
Of my every desire
Her eyes reminded me of the deep blue sea
The dimple on her chin, of a dry lagoon
In a vast desert of brown sand
Her lips, of the reddest strawberries
That she loved to pick by hand
She smelt like apples
Fallen on fresh grass
She smelt like brownies
Fresh out of the oven
I could get lost in her smile
Wander through the silky strands of hair
Swim in the ocean of her eyes

She was the very embodiment
Of what poetry was to me
She was the very essence
Of the undying flame of beauty
She was my sweet escape
She was my rainbow after the rains
She was the silver lining
To the dark clouds of my being

I still look for her
In the seems of her skirts
In the patterns on her shirts
In my reflection in the mirror
In the rains of September
Oh my weary mind always limps
Through vague and hazy memories
Longing to steal one last glimpse

-Aayu

16/01/2015

Perfect winter evening
Almost like a vintage poloroid
The chilly drying my lips
But the coffee warming my hands

Sweater a few sizes too big
Hair almost resembling a bird's nest
Feet all cozy in warm yellow socks
Eyes gazing at the giant rocks

I sat there wondering
Why we even long for the city
For the toxic air to make our eyes gritty
For the cacophany of honking cars
And revving bikes
The sky overcast with a layer of smoke
Hiding from our sight a distant tree
Where once a solitary bird broke
Into a sound melody

How does one explain this obsession with chaos
Where no one has the time to stop and admire the little things
Like the dewdrops on the grass
How pretty her hair is in those flowers
The constellations made by those heavenly stars

That the sun's shining brighter today
That happiness is forever here to stay
How your favorite fur jacket is beginning to fray
But you know you're going to wear it anyway

That first time you danced with her
When her glowing eyes began to stir
The most happiness you'd ever felt in a while
The time your mother
On your eighteenth birthday
Realized her hair had begun to gray
And cried about you leaving some day
Ready to face the world by yourself

We're so entwined in the big picture
That we forget to remember
We forget to notice
We forget to cherish
The little things that make us human
The little things that make life worth living

-Aayu

16/01/2015

Humanoid killing machine

With every person killed
The world lacking yet another brother
With every hole drilled
In the life of another
With every brain filled
With the memory of
Those shrill cries of horror
A little bit of their soul
Is crippled beyond repair
And all that is left
Is a humanoid killing machine
While humanity is left
To wait in despair

-Aayu

15/01/2015

Do you ever
Contemplate your very existence?
Is this real? Are you real?

Do your ever
Feel your problems fade into an empty void
When you realize your insignificance in the universe
Is like the lone bacteroid
Inflicted by the curse
Of being eternally ignored by us mighty beings

Do you ever feel bad about
That thing someone said?
That dress you couldn't get?
That boy who doesn't like you?
Does it all matter now?

Do you ever realize
That sometimes we forget
The magnitude of insecurities
In our head
Weigh out the bliss we should derive
Out of the small things in life

Do you ever
Wonder if we're all the bacteroid
Of a greater universe?
So stop whining, start living
And let satisfaction be your antidote
To life's sting

-Aayu

15/01/2015

Going to start reading The Hot Zone by Richard Preston today.
It's a chilling story about an Ebola outbreak.
Review coming up soon after my tests!

15/01/2015

Such great expectations
Sometimes feel almost like negotiations
To achieve your dream for me

Vague memories of appreciation storm my mind
When the littlest things invoked pride
But now caged by my own achievements
All I want is for you to be kind

-Aayu

12/01/2015

The candle burns
The flame warming my heart
My stomach churns
As the wax melts away
Dragging me to the coldness of the start

-Aayu

11/01/2015

For a special someone~

I saw him there,
Shivering out of fright,
Staring deep into the night.

I picked him up,
His entire body curled into my arms,
He snuggled into the contours of my body,
And fell asleep,
The innocence oozing out of his shut eyes.

His eyes were black like coal,
His fur white as snow,
He'd snuggle up beside me,
And lay his head on my lap.

It's funny how life works,
Giving us false hopes,
And it finally smirks,
Once it's bound us with its ropes
Of helplessness.

I'd known him for less than a day,
And now engorged by his memories I lay.
He's still my little Snow,
And I really hope he knows.

-Aayu.

11/01/2015

Here's one of my poems.
I've decided to even start posting my poetry/ impulsive writing on here. Like a side-by-side blog. (:

PS- Ignore the infinite comments. I'm still trying to fix the glitch.

Eighty years into this game, I still haven't been able to tame, This everlasting desire to continue, Living life in its every single hue.

20/12/2014

Here's som**hing I wrote while sitting in the car, a result of beautiful sceneries and thought inducing music.
Leave your honest criticizm below. (:

Lady at the Café~

On the right hand corner of the café,
I saw her sitting, all alone, coffee in hand, smiling at a photograph.
Her white hair done up in a bun, wrinkly skin radiating brightness, yet her eyes gave away a certain sadness.
I'd be lying if I denied being curious about what it contained, but didn't want to deny her the right of keeping it all to herself.
So I sat on the table opposite her, and thought to myself.
It might've been the young her, her hair a luscious black, falling beautifully across her face, like a river of black running down her shoulders.
I imagined her eyes, now a void, to be deep like an endless tunnel, lips, now curled in a wrinkly smile, to be rosy pink, with that gorgeous mole below the lower lip.
It might've been her husband, or a past lover, holding her tightly in his arms like there was no tomorrow, sure of the fact that they'd never part, promising her an eternity of love, companionship until the last breath.
Might've been her child, looking at its mother as though she were an angel sent from above, holding her finger in its tiny palm.
Might've been her father walking her to the altar on her wedding day, might've been her mother giving her a kiss on the forehead.
Could've been her sister fighting for the last piece of cake, her best friend sitting with her by the lake.
Then she kept the picture down, and looked outside the window, her expression drawing a complete blank, her forehead strained in deep thought, while she silently sipped her coffee.
Did she know her youth would fade, that the inevitable parting with everything she called her own, she couldn't evade?
She was a portrait of how lonely loneliness can feel, yet I like to believe that her memories constantly heal.

-Aayu.

27/08/2014

I started reading Mein Kampf today. This will be intruiging.

12/07/2014

Book review coming soon!
Tests coming up, but who can study with a book staring you in the eye with a puppy face.