05/03/2017
Years ago, I officially founded ‘Heart and Soul Living’. The name part came relatively easily since I knew that I both wanted to live and lead from MY heart and soul and encourage others to tap into THEIR heart and soul as well.
And living from this perspective can be enormously meaningful as we hopefully pay more and more attention to what truly matters most.
And then there are times when living from this place leads to existential questions that go right to the core, times when we doubt or question ourselves on a deep, deep level.
I am blown away when I receive positive feedback and admiration from people who read what I share and am even more amazed when people tell me how I inspire them.
I am someone doing my best to do my best, and sometimes that ‘best’ is better than others, to be put it mildly. There are times when I feel surrounded by questions that reach deep within and grab a firm hold on me.
I was doing some journalling this morning and thought that some of the end result might be something many of you can relate to as we navigate this journey of life. Know that if you relate to any of what I’ve written, you are far from alone.
‘…I see people around me who beat themselves up, who feel not good enough or like something is lacking in or inherently wrong with them and like they are unworthy. And it breaks my heart. I feel so much pain inside when I see people who have bought into and now believe stories that make them feel less then. I feel like it is part of my mission to help them see the light and beauty within. It is a longing that is so deep rooted from the time I started feeling it years ago. I want to help them see the value and worth within and then live, make choices and share their gifts and contributions from that place. This is broader than any one specific group of people and is my longing for humanity. Can you imagine what the world could do if people felt more whole, capable and worthy of love – and made choices from THAT place?
And at the same time, just writing the above scares me. What if I G-d forbid unleash something I didn’t want or intend to unleash? What about the people who either consciously or without awareness want to do harm and feel THAT from deep within? How do I protect myself/How do WE protect OURSELVES in a world like that? Isn’t it naïve to think that helping people truly love themselves is enough?
Or maybe it’s more than enough for my role in the world. Maybe that’s a key part of MY contribution to the world. The fact that I can’t do everything should in no way take away from what I can do and what I deeply feel I am here to do. The pain and longing for this is so powerful that I am crying as I write these words, and I see the letters blurring in front of my tears.
What if this love isn’t enough? What if I am led astray? What if I unintentionally lead others astray? What if my best intentions are in any way misguided? What if fear gets the best of me and I never do this at all? What if the love in my heart never truly extends as far beyond the surface as I would like, as I crave? What if that craving is wrong?
What if my inconsistences leave me feeling untethered and unanchored? What I follow my intuition and it’s wrong? And I’m wrong? What if I don’t listen to my intuition and THAT’s wrong? What is my intuition even trying to tell me at all? What do I do?
How do I become the true best version of me, the real true version, not the one stuck in any kind of self-interest? Trying to earn a living from a business founded on helping people? Maintaining/Distancing from connection for reasons based more on fear than Truth?...And how do I react when faced with the seeming reality that what I believe, what I say I believe and what I do aren’t all completely aligned? Is this a weakness in me or just part of the growth experience of being human? Being human, I believe, as is the fear, doubt and uncertainty.
I make mistakes. I don’t always know the right thing to do.
I can only do my best in the moment, based on the situation at hands and based on my core foundation.’