Bulgarian Ties - Culture, Travel, Adoption & Identity

31/01/2024

Hello Bulgarian Ties! Check out our latest updates and let us know if you are interested: https://conta.cc/3SthR3N

28/09/2023

For adoptees, our lives don’t begin at placement- our lives begin in utero/at birth. However too often I work with adoptees who were raised in spaces that only fully honor the parts that include adoptive family, seemingly forgetting whole chapters that influenced & impacted our worldviews and challenged our senses of safety.
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“She never had a family until us.”
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“He couldn’t miss birth family, he’s never met them.”
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“You’re being too sensitive, not everything is about adoption.”
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These are examples of phrases- that I have repeatedly heard over the years, that are forgetting the chapters before adoption. These are the phrases that ignore implicit memory, that are rigid rather than curious. These are the phrases that forget we must be looking at adopted children and their experiences through the lens of grief & loss.
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How might our perspective shift about big, challenging behavior , big complicated feelings, struggling to find identity,
High risk behaviors, search & reunion, and other big topics if we were to slow things down and get curious about grief and how it bubbles under the surface - a key factor in all of these.
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For many adoptees, this grief is some of the biggest to hit the system. Often occurring in the most vulnerable developmental stages, which also means it’s occurring in preverbal, pre- explicit memory making phases. How (understandably so) disorienting. We cannot underestimate the impact this has.
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Of course things feel hard when you have lost so much. Of course things feel isolating when there are no solid answers. Of course things feel disorienting when loved ones raise you and will not acknowledge what came before as if it’s a secret, or something to be ashamed about.
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When children are adopted the wholeness of them is adopted, the wholeness of them deserves love & the wholeness of them needs attunement.

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03/08/2023

https://conta.cc/3Kp6428

Exciting things are happening at The Ties Program. For 30 years, we have strived to take international adoptees and their families on extraordinary birth country experiences. We have loved every minu

28/06/2022

An important read.

25/03/2022

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zRDbPMWK1Ro

15 Things You Didn't Know About Bulgaria| Travel TuesdaysSUBSCRIBE to ALUX: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNjPtOCvMrKY5eLwr_-7eUg?sub_confirmation=115 Thi...

05/11/2021

Jaclyn Skalnik, aka on Instagram, speaks from a place of experience. In her early 20's, she participated in a Ties trip with her family. She then went on to earn her MSW, led an international adoption program, traveled as Ties travel staff, became a parent, and ultimately opened Adoption Wellness.

Most international adoption programs require parents to travel to the country. Parents, what did you experience when you were in your child's country of origin? Did you experience cultural differences? Were you out of your comfort zone? Did you explore new foods? Did your brain fatigue after hearing a different language? I ask you to pay attention to what you felt while in your child's country, but also, what you did to learn. This minute window offers you a glimpse of the adjustment your kids go through when transplanted to their new country. I oftentimes hear adoptive parents complain about their trip; it was smelly, dirty, poor, etc. Please use judgement when speaking about your child's country. What you say may be interpreted as a reflection of them. Children growing up outside of their culture will feel disconnected and can only rely on what they hear about it from others. Listen, we have smelly, dirty, poor areas here too - so let's be culturally sensitive while also acknowledging the beauty of their country.

Speak early and often about a visit, save $ for it and make it a priority. Your children depend on you to provide them with resources to make connections to their birth culture/country. If your child is reluctant, it may be because it was introduced to them too late. "We're going to take you back to China next summer" vs. "We're going to visit China next summer" are two very different phrases. As parents, the language we use is critical. Talk with your children about what they want to do and see during a visit. Will the whole family travel? Do they want to travel with other adoptees? Do they want to visit tourist places or spaces connected to their life before adoption (orphanage, etc.)? Talk about their expectations of the trip, not yours.

Adoptees need time to prepare for and unpack from a homeland trip. Please make sure they are supported to share their feelings. They deserve an opportunity to visit where they are from as it can really fill in the blanks. Eating takeout from the local Chinese restaurant once a year does not cut it for "exposing them to their birth culture."

19/10/2021

10/10/2021

When children learn the world is random and unpredictable, they move into a state of protection. We all do it. It’s natural.
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When children have experienced attachment trauma, they have been taught that caregivers can be random and unpredictable and their response of self protection often plays out in behavior and relationships. However, regardless of how they respond- caregivers must be intentional and devoted to how attuned and sensitive they are in creating moments of connection for children.
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It’s these moments of connection that fuel attachment and feelings of felt-safety. It is within these healing spaces that children can find a sense of worth and belonging.
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Children who are living from the lens of protection need the presence of connection.
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I see you showing up for the hard and uneasy. I see you creating spaces that enhance peace and validate pain. No one said it was easy. You are not alone 💛

11/09/2021

We are thrilled to let you know that that Amy (Silverbrandt) Wilkerson will be facilitating a wonderful transracial adoptee panel on September 14. One of the fabulous presenters is Jaclyn Skalnik. Both Amy and Jaclyn have staffed with The Ties Program and are remarkable women.

You can learn more about Amy at https://growhealblossom.com/.

TRANSRACIAL ADOPTEE PANEL
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WHEN : September 14th
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TIME : 7:00-8:30PM CST
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WHERE : Zoom
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FEE: $50 per login
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Thank you to everyone who has been so patient with me as I have had to reschedule this training, but a new date is finally here! Come join these amazing panelist share their wisdom, honesty, and insights on the transracial adoptee experience.
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DM to reserve your spot!
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See you there!

07/07/2021

From Adoption Learning Partners: We know that parenting isn’t always easy. We know that even with the pandemic lifting, parents and families could benefit from resources and support. Last summer, ALP bundled together many of our most popular webinars in new, limited-edition packages and offered them at a significant discount. These packages proved so popular that we are bringing them back this summer.

We began with Parenting Playbook: A Guide to Behavior, Discipline and Attachment, a collection of three webinars featuring experts from Theraplay®. Now we are featuring Effective Family Communication, two webinars which each feature popular coach, trainer, and author Tina Feigal:

https://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/promotions/webinars.cfm?utm_source=ALP+Users+2&utm_campaign=66edc36e2a-socialmedia_downloaders_2_2-20-18_COPY_04&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c58a898c93-66edc36e2a-118400585&mc_cid=66edc36e2a&mc_eid=77db675d57

We know that parenting isn’t always easy. We know that even with the pandemic lifting, parents and families could benefit from resources and support. Last summer, ALP bundled together many of our most popular webinars in new, limited-edition packages and offered them at a significant discount. The...

29/06/2021

It's not too late to register for Russia/Eastern Europe/Central Asia camp, brought to you virtually from Colorado.
https://www.heritagecamps.org

Heritage Camps for Adoptive Families serves as an adoption resource and advocate for children, adults, and families with diverse heritages.