Story teller & Author Jeremy Moorhouse

02/04/2024

I'm offering something very special.
If you've enjoyed any of my offerings thus far, please leave a short review on Amazon against the title, with your name. 😃
For every review, you'll receive one entry into a draw , to receive a signed hardback copy of Emmetyville plus a signed copy of any 2 other signed books from my offerings, of your choice.
To complete your entry, please make sure you've also liked my author page and commented on a title there.
The winner will be announced and contacted via messenger on
Monday 1st June at 7pm. 😃
You can follow the links below to leave your reviews.
Thanks everyone, and good luck!
Everyone

28/03/2024

Here's a snippet from Blocked for you. Have you ordered yours yet?

Clive and Marlene's attempt to hide in the Vicarage had been discovered. They knew they were in hot water now. They’d been able to sustain the fantasy that everyone had gone to heaven for a little while, but then, inevitably, the awkward questions had begun again.
“How come my knees still hurt?”
“I thought I’d be young again?”
“I was certain my auntie Vera was going to be here, actually, how come it’s just us?”
“How come it still rains?”
“Why can’t I fly like Superman?”
Even though most of the congregation had now dispersed around New Sedgewood, the demand for answers kept coming.

Clive and Marlene had offered to spend half an hour each day at the mostly redundant meeting hall where they would do their best to answer any queries. It was tedious, but they were properly down the hole now, and they just couldn’t stop digging.

Caligula and Mata Hari were both fed up too. They were doing their best to answer Clive and Marlenes calls for help.
They would telepathically suggest things which the pair of con-artists then thought were their own ideas.
It was becoming terribly complicated now though, and what they needed was some advice from some of the greatest liars of all time.
They’d been flitting between dimensions listening to British Politicians and tabloid journalists seeking ideas and inspiration.

20/03/2024

What is your book about?
Everybody has one.
Here are some wonderful tips from Matt Haig.
https://www.booktrust.org.uk/books-and-reading/tips-and-advice/writing-tips/writing-tips-from-authors/25-rules-for-writing-a-novel-by-matt-haig/

18/03/2024

I have a fantastic prize for one lucky winner in the competition I'm about to announce, so watch this space!

In the meantime, how about a few jokes on libraries and librarians?

Here's mine to start.

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers. The librarian says:.....

30/01/2024

It's always lovely to get a review. Reviews make all the difference. If you've enjoyed any of my books, please leave a review on Amazon? Thanks :-)

Top review from United Kingdom
Carolyne
5.0 out of 5 stars You will laugh out loud!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 27 January 2024
A really enjoyable read. Many of the stories resonated with me about Christmas experiences. It was a great gift.

30/01/2024

Something for book lovers :-)
Jonathan Wolstenholme
Jonathan Wolstenholme was born in London and went to Croydon Art College from 1969 – 1972. He is married with two children.

Wolstenholme paints exquisitely detailed still lifes of books in watercolour .He is fascinated by the world of antiquarian books and paraphernalia from a bygone age when craftsmanship was highly prized. He works in watercolour in such exquisite detail that it is possible to read every word in the books that he paints.

Jonathan has had three one-man shows in London and has exhibited at the Singer and Friedlander Exhibition several times, also at the Discerning Eye Competition at the Mall Galleries winning a prize in 2002. In 1997 an exhibition of Jonathan’s work was shown in New York at the ‘Works on Paper’ fair. In 2003 he had a joint show with fellow Portal artist George Underwood, this was a great success, Jonathan also took part in an exhibition of Portal Painters in Tanglewood, near Boston in 2004 and Portal Painters at the Edinburgh Festival in the same year. Wolstenholme regularly exhibits with Portal Painters and The London Art Fair in Islington, The Affordable Art Fair in Battersea (spring) and Hampstead and The 20/21 British Art Fair at the Royal College of Art.

As an illustrator Jonathan has worked for all the major magazines and newspapers using his own brand of quirky humour.

Jonathan was commissioned by the German Publisher Haffmann to illustrate ‘The Diary of Samuel Pepys’ (2011) and ‘Alice in Wonderland’(2012) and is about to start on an edition of ‘Grimms Fairy Tales’ these are superb volumes and collectors items.

27/01/2024

27/01/2024

I'll be working on a short promo video for Blocked over the next few days. In the meantime, here's one I prepared earlier :-D

26/01/2024

Another delivery going out today. The ever popular Emmetyville of course plus Blocked 😁.
These are going to The Old Hall Bookshop, Looe .
These titles are also all available on Amazon so if you're looking for something to have a good laugh at this weekend and you're far from Looe, you can get your copies there 😀

25/01/2024

Oscar Wilde quotes today, what's your favourite quote?

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell the truth."

"I can resist everything except temptation."

"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction."

"True friends stab you in the front."

"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination."

"Everything in moderation, including moderation."

"Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known."

"You don't love someone for their looks, or their clothes or their fancy car, but because they sing a song only you can hear."

"I am not young enough to know everything."

"The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future."

"I have the simplest of tastes. I am always satisfied with the best."

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."

"There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about."

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."

"I can never travel without my diary, one should always have something sensational to read on the train."

"You can never be overdressed or overeducated."

"The truth is rarely pure and never simple."

23/01/2024

The first of the new paperbacks have arrived. Go on treat yourself to a really good laugh :-D

22/01/2024

10 Life Changing Mark Twain Quotes
Yujian Tang
The Hive Mind·

1. Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I hate to learn this one the hard way. Some people are just stupid. If you try to help them, you’re just wasting your time. Love them, but love yourself more. Move on, let them be stupid on their own.

2. Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

This is so true. You can see this from the titles you see on Medium that do well, you can see this from highly successful people, you can see this everywhere. The articles that do best on Medium are like “here’s how I did xyz cool thing and you can too.” Highly successful people like Matthew McConaughey, Barack Obama, and Oprah Winfrey are always encouraging others to be their best selves. I too, aspire to be like this. I’m not perfect, but I love sharing knowledge on my success because I’m such a mess. I know that if someone as much of a mess as me can achieve the success I’ve achieved, you can too.

3. Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Kiss slowly. Love Truly. Laugh uncontrollably. Never regret anything that makes you smile.

I love this one. Life is short! Break rules that are harmless to break — stand facing backwards in the elevator, jaywalk that intersection (carefully!), eat your dessert before your meal, have fun with it! Also, laughter is the best medicine. Have a laugh, you’ll feel better. No seriously, even if you’re feeling good right now, have a laugh, you’ll feel even better. Never regret anything that makes you smile. I don’t want to have regrets at the end of my life. I also love breaking the rules, but don’t go too far with this.

4. The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

I don’t know if there really is a God out there. I don’t know if there really is a meaning to life or why we’re born. But I believe there is. I believe there is because believing there is a reason for why I’m alive gives me strength. It adds meaning to my life. It makes every day more exciting. I love waking up every day ready to go! Ready to make a difference. I think that the purpose of my life is to go out and uplift as many people as possible. I want to help over a billion people learn new skills, feel better about themselves, and discover their own meanings of life.

5. Give every day a chance to become the most beautiful day in your life.

This is some great life advice. If you live every day like the last, you’ll get bored. We should give every day a chance. Take that chance that you may be afraid to take. Ask that girl or guy out, apply for that job, or start your own business, whatever it is that you want to do, do it today! All it takes is one decision, and any day could be the most beautiful day of your life.

Any day could be a beautiful day!
6. The most permanent lessons in morals are those which come not of book teaching but of experience.

Man, oh man, is this true. I had to learn this one the hard way. Sometimes we think it’s okay to do something, and then we see how it affects other people. For me personally, I kissed a girl in a relationship, and that led to secret dates, s*x, and much more while she was still dating the other guy! At first, I didn’t feel too bad about it, but man do I realize that mistake now. I haven’t talked to her in a while now. I know I hurt more than just her, but also the other guy. I hope they’re both okay, wherever they are.

7. A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn no other way.

I just love the way this quote is phrased. It seems to mean that there are some things you can’t learn except by fu***ng up. This has certainly been true for my life. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve failed. I failed at starting two businesses in the last year. What did I learn from those? I learned a lot about what I like and don’t like to do. I learned that there are people out there who are WAY better than me at pushing for sales and other things like that. I learned how to sell by finding clients that needed my skills. I learned how to take the emotional pain of rejection over and over again. I learned how to spot a gap in the market. I learned marketing, and so much more that I would never have learned if I hadn’t grabbed that cat by the tail.

8. I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.

This is so true. It’s only recently after many attempts and failures and experiments that I’ve learned what I want. It really is true that clarity is power. Almost every business coach or self-help book will tell you that you need to have clarity. I now have way more clarity on what I want than I did before. It’s been a tough road, and I’m sure I’ll learn more as I go. Having that idea of what I want in life has really helped me shape my life though. I think we all know how to get what we want; we just don’t always know exactly what it is. Sometimes, we have an idea of what it is but we’re afraid to ask the universe for it because we’re scared that we’ll get it. What will we do when we get it? I know I’ve dealt with this and I’ve figured it out — I’ll keep learning and growing!

9. Action speaks louder than words, but not nearly as often.

I wanted to be a writer for a long time. I’ve heard so many people say they want to write books. I remember thinking to myself when I was younger, “Yeah I want to write books, that would be cool.” It took a while but I finally just decided to start. Once I started it became easier. Now I’ve written two books, one on Software Engineering, and another on How to Reduce Our Carbon Footprint by 100,000 Tons a Day. Actions certainly speak louder, not just to other people, but to ourselves!

10. The fear of death follows from the fear of life. The man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

This goes back to my last post about Attention: What it is and How to get it, where I talk about how death is one of the things that really grabs our attention. It’s almost unavoidable for humans to not attend to death. For me, it sits in the back of my mind all the time. I’m not sure I don’t fear death, but I certainly took this quote to heart. I decided it was time for me to start living my life to the fullest. Am I perfect? Hell no. Do I fear death as much though? Nope. I’m ready to die at any moment knowing that even if just for a day, (it’s been a month now), that I live my life to the fullest extent. I do what I want and I’m working towards my personal dream. Whatever it is that you want to do, do it. Do it with all your heart, do it with all your might, do it scared, do it brave. It doesn’t matter how you do it. What matters is that you do it, live your life fully!

Quotes
Mark Twain
Inspiration
Live Your Dreams
Freedom

19/01/2024

Paperback and Kindle version now available.
I'm offering a pint in the Blue Peter and a signed pair of my best pants for the first person to leave me a review 😂😱🍻
(Pint optional)
Get yours today!

Miranda has a superpower, although she doesn't know it yet. When Miranda blocks people, they vanish from her reality, and everyone else's too. But where do they go? What are the consequences? What happens when Miranda blocks someone she desperately needs later? With a cast of loveables, un-loveab...

18/01/2024

16/01/2024

Available now on Kindle, get yours and begin laughing right away :-D

Miranda has a superpower, although she doesn't know it at first. When Miranda blocks people on social media, they vanish from her reality entirely, and everyone else's too. But where do they go? What are the consequences? What happens when Miranda blocks someone she desperately needs later? With ...

16/01/2024

If you enjoyed Emmetyville 2, please can you leave a review on this Amazon page?
When the covers updated, I lost all the feedbacks. Thanks :-D

In a beautiful Cornish fishing town, a lot goes on behind closed doors. Donald and Sylvia want to retire here, so do their friends Norman and Marjorie. The men want to grow cannabis plants, their wives, at 73 and 74 years old, have a nice little pension enhancer in their s*x toys business. Meanwh...

15/01/2024

Oh happy day!
I've just finished uploading the completed manuscript and cover files for the paperback. Tomorrow, I'll set up the kindle.
Blocked should be available for order by the end of the week :-)

Miranda has a superpower, although she doesn't know it at first. When Miranda blocks people on social media, they vanish from her reality entirely, and everyone else's too.
But where do they go? What are the consequences? What happens when Miranda blocks someone she desperately needs later?
With a cast of loveables, un-loveables and even their Spirit Guides, Join Miranda, Boudica and Norman Wisdom to name but a few as she learns how to wield her amazing gift. Find out too what really goes on in Blocked World.
You'll laugh, you may even cry, but what you'll definitely do is love it!

14/01/2024

While I continue to work on Blocked, The Arrival of Regit is available.
I'll put a link up and an excerpt down below :-)

The Arrival of Regit

13/01/2024

Small spoiler alert. I've given Norman Wisdom a part in Blocked. 😂😂
Here's a bit about his story

From street urchin to knight of the realm - the story of Norman Wisdom, who used to be one of the biggest film stars in the UK - portraying a man who rarely ...

12/01/2024

I've been out delivering today, so if you'd rather support a local business than give your cash to amazon, you can find my books in Polperro Post Office and Present Perfect Gift Shop, and in The Old Hall Bookshop, Looe.
Big thanks Katrina Rotgalve for the photo, and big thanks too to Jude Greville who has offered to stock my other titles too 😃

12/01/2024

I had an idea for a 'scene' that I'd like to work in somewhere.

"That bread looks lovely"
"Oh, thanks. I'm enjoying baking again. " there was a pause and then she said "You know, kneading the bread is really satisfying, and it leaves the kitchen worktop looking lovely after."
Michael looked at the worktop. In the middle of the cup marks, the spilled lentils and cat hair and the random scattering of cigarette ash, was a beautifully clean section.
"It should be cool enough to eat now, would you like a piece?"
She reached for a dish containing a substance that had so many second hand crumbs in it, that it probably deserved a new genus in biological categorisation."
"It's a kind offer, but I'm on a diet thanks."

11/01/2024

Welcome to the page everyone. :-D
This is where you'll find excerpts and updates. I suspect one or two of you might have friends who enjoy a good laugh or who love to read, by all means share the posts and invite them too :-D

11/01/2024

I had a bit of a mix up just before Christmas. Amazon publishing sent me a case of 50 copies of another authors books (Joshu Carrot) I sent the parcel back and had to re-order my own copies. Then I received this in the post from the author who recieved my copies. I contacted him by email, and he very kindly forwarded my parcel. So, Author Steve Morley, thank you so much for your kindness, and I look forward to that pint in the summer.
Here's his amazon listing, it's worth having a look at :-D
https://www.amazon.co.uk/s?i=stripbooks&rh=p_27%3ASteve+Morley&s=relevancerank&text=Steve+Morley&ref=dp_byline_sr_book_1

10/01/2024

Coming soon!
Phew, just passed the 50'000 word mark and heading for the finish line. Not long now. You're going to love this one! :-D

08/01/2024

I'm really pleased with the way the new covers have come out.
January can be a bit of a cloudy month. If you need a really good laugh, then these are just the tonic!

08/01/2024

New word time.
Quemmer, adjective. That fluttering feeling you get when something makes you really nervous.
Also, as named by Helen Mantell, a bum-funny.

31/12/2023

Happy New Year to all my readers. May 2024 bring you only blessings.

21/12/2023

There's a good reason checkout staff don't dress as medieval poets...Baggers can't be Chaucer's!

21/12/2023

Solstice greetings to you all. Welcome back to the light.

20/12/2023

Links below for all the updated listings, new covers and newly released formats 🙂
I'm really grateful for any reviews left on Amazon too. Thanks everyone :-D