19/12/2024
Reality Check..point read & transparency share behind the scenes with the voyager 🙇🏽
Yesterday I was blessed to have met with supportive follower who herself is a content creator here in Am Samoa. And in the past week i've had a number of similar interactions with people about my voyage here. The commonality is all of these conversations were their deep support and love for what I do in the islands and the why is always detailed in a way that really reminds me of, wow…this is all beautifully impacting people near, far, and wide.
Now I’ve been at this “work” consistently for a like two and a half years with 10 months of that time in American Samoa. The truth is, it’s not always easy and I find it more and more challenging everyday these past few months. In these 10 months, I’ve experienced incredible highs but soul-crushing lows that have pushed me to my limits, that I honestly feel more and more lately.
It’s tough when you’re consistently working toward something so big and so important, but often times things just don’t come together in ways they should. So many times, I’ve had to put my trust and energy into a handful of people, only to be left hanging or let down when they didn’t follow through. Of course have invested time, hard earned funds, and resources into a vision that is far bigger than myself. But when things stall or slip through the cracks, it’s hard not to feel the weight of it all as I am giving my literal all to this "work" and initiative. Especially when the few I do rely on give me their word, go against that word. It just really hard not to take it personally and crash internally.
The few things I've needed to complete an American Samoa project , which I’ve been working on since I arrived, still aren't done mainly due to what I just mentioned. Waiting games and being left hanging despite being given their word. And man, I am not even talking about setting up my non-profit to help further support the deeper aspects of all I’m doing, which has been stuck in the paperwork phase for so long. Yet every time I get a step closer, something else holds it back unfortunately. Partly due to being a major learning curve but with brutal honesty, for the same reason…people leaving me hanging.
Whether it’s a “SAMOAN THING” or not and how many times I hear “that’s how it is there”…it’s fu***ng draining me!
I mean, this is a "pacific thing" and is in general all part of the process, but your voyager is still a human being after all.
On top of this, I’m constantly in a challenge with finances and having enough resources to bring visions to life—continues to be a struggle. Which is where the nonprofit is there to help with. I get asked for updates on my projects, and as much as I want to be excited and deliver, I feel burnout and often uninspired. Im sure by now you see all of this adding up and hopefully makes sense as this goes on.
I’ve tried taking a break and visiting Tokelau. That fell through.
I tried the route of visiting home for the holidays. That fell through.
Even returning to Manu’a for a spiritual breather and that even fell through.
Considered a short trip to Apia, Samoa but something is telling me not quite yet.
I’m incredibly fortunate to have support, both here and abroad, strangers, friends, my hosts, to family, all whom believe in what I’m doing. But sometimes, in the quiet moments, the weight of it all can be overwhelming. I sometimes fantasize about giving up because maybe things would be easier if I stopped trying to do such heavy work. Stopped chasing a vision that often hits a wall. Let it all go and take the easy route, and just be an "ordinary traveler".
But you see that’s not me. If you truly have had the time to get to know me, you would know, giving up is NEVER an option for me. That I always find another way, somehow even if it may not be what I had in mind. I ALWAYS find a way! I have worked too hard for this to let go, and I believe so deeply in the vision of 'One Ocean, One People'. Through the challenges that lie behind every beautiful photo on Facebook or instagram reel is a creator and storyteller that somehow keeps going. Seeing that every step, every hurdle, every obstacle IS a part of the voyage. Playing a role in building something that will continue to make a difference in the islands i voyage, rippling through the world. Leaving a legacy supported by mindful intentions, that in the end are all rooted in passions. Those passions ignited by my heart.
Despite all the frustration, I keep pushing because I believe that my work will resonate, will inspire, and will help uplift communities across the Pacific. So, even though I’m exhausted, I know that everything I’m doing is worth it. I’m in this for the long haul.
Thank you to everyone who’s supported me so far and who continues to stand by me. Your belief in my vision helps me to keep going, even when I'm at mercy.... to believe in the vision.
I’m not giving up.
Hell, I’m just getting started!
