Peace Tree Counseling

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Peace Tree Counseling Everyone has the ability to improve their life. Heather helps clients gain insight, tools & understanding to move toward productive change or healing.

I have over 25 years experience working with adolescents, adults and families in a variety of settings. Areas of practice include (but not limited to): anxiety, career/college, communication, confidence, healthy/unhealthy relationships, LGBTQ, life transitions, living with purpose, parenting, self-care, self-harm, social media/technology use, survivors of violence & abuse and teen issues.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?You’ve done it before: sent a text or email that you later regret, agreed to an activity or big deci...
17/06/2025

WHAT WAS I THINKING?
You’ve done it before: sent a text or email that you later regret, agreed to an activity or big decision without thinking it through, or set strict boundaries you cannot uphold. Like most of us, you have acted impulsively. While there can be a few up-sides to being impulsive – creating great art, a new recipe, meeting someone new – there are many ways that impulsivity can lead to problems.

Acting on a whim without reflection, planning or with little consideration, includes anything from what you buy or who you hang out with, to bigger issues like promising something you cannot deliver on or engaging in poor choices and risky behaviors. There are many reasons why we do this. It’s often as simple as seeking immediate gratification or just wanting to get something over with.

SOME IMPULSIVE BEHAVIORS
• Speaking before thinking
• Getting into “deep” or “serious” friendships and romantic relationships quickly
• Ending a relationship unexpectedly without reasoning
• Switching jobs often or quitting a job abruptly without thinking through next steps
• Not following through with boundaries or rules
• Suddenly changing plans
• Binge eating, drinking, spending
• Inconsistent parenting (discipline, structure, emotional reactions, limit setting)
• Jumping to conclusions, making assumptions
• Joining and quitting activities and groups frequently
• Self-harm
• Making threats

Acting impulsively may lead to broken promises, conflict, and other negative results:
• Strain on relationships
• Financial problems (overspending, impulsive purchases, last minute fees, not looking for deals or low interest)
• Unsafe behaviors and risk-taking without consideration for consequences
• Broken promises, unfulfilled commitments (unable to follow through, when you’ve said “yes”)
• Shame, embarrassment, guilt following decisions that lead to negative outcomes

If you recognize yourself in some of the above descriptions, it’s possible to change. It starts with self-awareness and understanding your tendencies toward impulsivity. Work on identifying triggers to your impulsive behaviors. Reach out for support from a professional who can help guide you in developing strategies.

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

YOU’RE HUMANThink back to the last time you made a mistake or unwittingly hurt someone. Chances are, you “beat yourself ...
09/06/2025

YOU’RE HUMAN
Think back to the last time you made a mistake or unwittingly hurt someone. Chances are, you “beat yourself up” and likely did not forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. And oftentimes, we judge ourselves harshly.

Because we are human, we have a tendency to judge…ourselves as well as others. Instead of accepting our imperfections and choosing to learn from them, we choose to make things worse by unforgivingly condemning ourselves. Beating yourself up doesn’t change the past.

Forgiveness and accountability are often confused with each other. When you forgive yourself, it is not about pretending as though it never happened. It’s about acknowledging that your actions have consequences. And if you can forgive yourself when you make a mistake, you can better address the consequences of your actions in a healthy and productive way.

Being able to forgive yourself is not an easy task. It requires empathy, honesty, and understanding. You may have trouble forgiving yourself if you …
• Feel guilty, defensive, embarrassed, confused or angry
• Worry that if you admit to what you did, it will make things worse
• Fear being rejected or punished by the people you hurt

CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK
1. Acknowledge the mistake out loud. This is an essential part of taking responsibility.

2. Accept yourself and your flaws. Your imperfections do not make you less of a person.

3. Know that you are not a bad person. Doing something you regret does not make you a bad person.

4. Work on learning and growing from your mistakes.

5. Talk to someone who is non-judgmental. Get perspective from someone you trust who will listen objectively.

6. Ask how being hard on yourself is helpful, and consider being kinder in your self-talk.

7. Think about how you would help a friend who had done what you did. What would you tell them?

8. Own the facts of what you did wrong or the mistake that you made. Make apologies where appropriate. Take accountability with the person you hurt. Share any remorse you may have. Work on doing better moving forward.

9. Remind yourself that you are human. Commit to not doing the same thing again. What steps can you take?

We all make mistakes. This doesn’t make you an awful person. You are imperfect and that’s okay. If you don’t ignore things when they happen, and you take responsibility for your part ( without wallowing in self-judgment) … you will grow and improve from the experience.

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS’ CHOICESWhat do you do when someone you care about is aggressive, insensitive, or behaves in ...
02/06/2025

NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS’ CHOICES
What do you do when someone you care about is aggressive, insensitive, or behaves in a way that is hurtful to themselves or others? It can be confusing and very uncomfortable, when you know it has little to do with you directly, and is more about what is going on with them. And yet, you may feel partially to blame or have a sense of obligation to step in and take on some of the load. This leads to you taking misdirected responsibility for things that are not within your control and may not have much to do with you at all.

When someone else is in a bad space, it often brings up concerns like, Did I do something wrong? Will this hurt our relationship? Should I do something to fix it? Is this my fault?

HOW OFTEN DO YOU …?
• Take on someone else’s responsibility, obligation, or commitment with being asked
• Try and make sure everyone is okay
• Excuse someone’s hurtful behaviors
• Speak on behalf of someone who is capable for themselves
• Accept the consequences of someone else’s problems or choices
• Try to fix someone’s problems by making suggestions or finding solutions yourself
• Attempt to save someone from their own poor choices
• Offer time, energy or resources when you cannot do so comfortably
• Put other’s needs before your own

It can be difficult to separate yourself from what’s going on with someone you care about. Understand that THEY HAVE CHOICES: a choice in how to behave, how to express their emotions, whether to reach out for help or not, and whether they will work on making changes to improve their life. In fact, we are ALL responsible for our own feelings, actions & needs.

This doesn't mean that you should disregard the feelings of others or fail to show empathy and support. It’s more about recognizing when you’re caught up in trying to protect or fix another person. When you take on responsibility for another adult, you run the risk of enabling them to continue shirking personal accountabilities. It is a destructive form of helping, and you could end up ignoring your own needs and obligations.

STEPS TO TAKE
• Recognize toxic, unhealthy, or hurtful behaviors of others and know you did not cause them to make those choices.

• Set health boundaries to preserve your well-being and to acknowledge what you can and cannot do to support the other person.

• Do not attempt to “fix” or help someone work through their own issues. It’s not your job.

• Remember that you are two separate people with two separate sets of feelings, who make your own choices. Let them have theirs and focus on your own.

You can still be sensitive to the emotions and issues of others, just be careful to not take responsibility for them. The best kind of support is being patient, understanding, and empathetic. Ask questions about how they plan to get their needs met. Validate them in taking responsibility for themselves.

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

School's out, and summer schedules are unfolding for many of you! If you or someone you know have been thinking about ge...
29/05/2025

School's out, and summer schedules are unfolding for many of you! If you or someone you know have been thinking about getting back to therapy, or starting for the first time, this is a great time to do it.
I provide fully remote counseling (for your comfort and flexibility), offer a sliding fee scale, and have some openings in my schedule right now!

Check out my website for more information: www.peacetreeco.com or reach out to 720-320-8743 (text or call), or email me at [email protected]

FEELING DEFENSIVE?All of us remember a time when we acted defensively. It’s a common reaction to feeling criticized, emb...
19/05/2025

FEELING DEFENSIVE?
All of us remember a time when we acted defensively. It’s a common reaction to feeling criticized, embarrassed, hurt or angry. In an attempt to protect our intelligence, choices, character, beliefs, or who we are - we rush to defend even the smallest hint of criticism or push-back. Defensiveness shows up when you feel attacked or have no power in a situation, and can quickly erode relationships.

When you become defensive, it can escalate a situation even more. It creates distance between people and may undermine productive communication. It suspends self-reflection and results in you responding in a manner that is not aligned with who you want to be.

SIGNS of DEFENSIVENESS
Lashing out; hurtful sarcasm; walking away; ending conversations abruptly
Silent treatment; stop listening; obviously ignoring
Make excuses; justify your actions; attempt to discredit the other person
Blame others; accuse them of doing the same thing; bring up past things they’ve done wrong
Tell other person they are irrational, delusional, lying or not thinking clearly
Hyperfocus on small details instead of seeing the bigger picture
Agree with the critics, then cry or blame yourself in an attempt to “make them feel bad”

Just because you feel defensive, you don’t have to act on those feelings. How often do you recall reacting from a place of defensiveness and feeling great afterwards? Most of the times I remember, they ended in more conflict, one or both of us feeling worse, and no resolution or positive outcome.

ADDRESS the DEFENSIVENESS
Notice how you feel in response to difficult feedback, criticism or conflict.
Validate how you feel without allowing the emotion to take over your thoughts & actions.
Anticipate when you’re most likely to become defensive (certain people, situations, or when you’re already feeling “off” or fragile).
Learn more about the other person’s point of view before responding. Ask questions and be open to a different perspective. Chances are it’s not personal - it’s simply what they think or feel.
Practice communicating how you feel so you can talk through things in a calm and neutral way.
Take responsibility & own your part when appropriate. Apologize if necessary.
Stay on topic and work toward resolution. Getting sidetracked by the past or unrelated issues is unproductive.
If someone regularly or intentionally criticizes & attacks you without reasonable grounds, set boundaries. Let them know that you want to be talked to in a respectful, constructive manner. If they are unwilling, it might be time to step back from the relationship or situation.
Get support and guidance from a therapist if you often feel defensive in relationships or situations.

We can all relate to feeling defensive and handling it in a way that didn’t feel good. If you notice that you feel this way more often than not, you may want to examine what’s happening on your end. It might be helpful to work with a mental health professional to heal past hurts, explore power/control issues, improve your communication skills and manage your defensive reactions. If you continue without addressing your defensiveness, you risk feeling more negative and unable to see the positives.

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

PUTTING OFF YOUR MENTAL HEALTHIt’s estimated that approximately 44 million people in the U.S. are living with anxiety, d...
12/05/2025

PUTTING OFF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
It’s estimated that approximately 44 million people in the U.S. are living with anxiety, depression and many other mental health issues. And yet, mental health is often ignored or put on hold. While someone might not hesitate to address their knee pain, a migraine, or gut issues - many avoid their mental well-being and emotional struggles. As a result, many people do not seek support for their mental health. Even in 2025, mental health is often ignored due to old beliefs and lack of prioritizing it.

REASONS PEOPLE DELAY MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORT
Fear of judgement from friends, family, or society due to ill-informed stigma
Busy schedules - prioritizing other people, activities and projects over mental health care
Finances - not making room in the budget for personal well-being
Lack of support from others who encourage and validate addressing mental health
Denial or minimizing symptoms - pushing it off as a “phase” or something that can work itself out
Unsure of how/where to start
Fear of the unknown; doubting the process or professionals
Worry about “failing” or not “doing therapy correctly”
Desire to be self-sufficient and not relying on others

Just like physical health, mental health is a vital part of your life. It affects how you think, feel and behave. When you struggle with mental health, it can negatively impact many parts of your life: relationships, work, motivation, choices, socializing, coping skills and every day activities.

CAN YOU RELATE? How many of these symptoms do you identify with over the past few weeks?
Irritability, short fuse, resentment toward others, anger
Big changes in your eating or sleeping patterns
Lack of motivation, interest or energy for basic tasks OR for things you usually enjoy
Inability to cope reasonably with problems and obstacles
Feeling withdrawn from or unseen by others; isolated
Catastrophizing; having exaggerated thoughts that are not proportionate to what’s happening
Minimizing situations; downplaying the seriousness of important things
Increased worry, nervousness or negativity
Trouble concentrating or remembering; feeling scattered or overwhelmed
Using food, alcohol or drugs more OR as a way to handle tough situations
Mood swings - shifting between different moods and attitudes within a day or hours
Experiencing stress that feels neverending or insurmountable

If you’re ignoring any of the above symptoms, or think they are ‘just a part of life’ that don’t need your attention… you may be overlooking an opportunity to get much needed support. You risk: symptoms intensifying or getting worse; negative impacts on your physical health, decreased quality of life; strains on your relationships; and recurrence of the same issues, making it harder to manage over time.

Seeing a therapist or counselor might feel intimidating to begin with. Feeling better, improving your life and healing are great motivators to give it a try.

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

WELLNESS TOOLBOXAs I write this, the wind is blustering outside and there's talk of rain and snow in the next few days. ...
06/05/2025

WELLNESS TOOLBOX
As I write this, the wind is blustering outside and there's talk of rain and snow in the next few days. The month of May in Colorado is not unlike most people's lives. Warm and beautiful one day with storm clouds rolling in unexpectedly the next. If you've lived in Colorado for anything over a year, you know by now how to prepare for the weather. Dress in layers, bring sunscreen, and don't change out your snow tires until after Memorial Day. So, how do you prepare for the constant changes in your life? What's in your emotional wellness kit - tools for coping during times of stress and hardship?

Some suggestions
• Basics like: healthy food, water, shower, sleep/rest, brushing your teeth

• Mood boosters such as: playing with a pet or child; watching your favorite show; reading a favorite book from childhood; reorganizing a room; repeating affirmations

• Processing emotions: write/draw your feelings; gratitude lists; cry; punch a pillow; popping bubble wrap; venting in a letter that gets ripped up

• Problem solving: brainstorm solutions with people you trust; list your skills and strengths; ask yourself "how can I help this to turn out well?"; remember that you’ve handled a lot so far in your life already

• Acts of kindness (gets you outside of yourself): volunteer for something you believe in; do something nice for someone you know; do something nice for a stranger; speak kindly and with empathy

• Interests/stress relievers: garden, activity/movement, get creative with art, music, dance; games/puzzles; learn something new

• Relaxers: Breathing exercises (deep belly breaths, box breathing); progressive muscle relaxation (clench and release body parts starting with your toes and working up toward the crown of your head); fidget toys; guided meditation (try Insight Timer app or Calm); read; doodle; yoga; music; take a break from digital distractions

• Ask for support: text or call a friend/family; ask someone to just sit quietly with you; reach out to a therapist or other professional support person

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

DOES LIFE GET EASIER?Life is hard – this is inevitable. So, when people say, “it will get easier”, it can bring up plent...
28/04/2025

DOES LIFE GET EASIER?
Life is hard – this is inevitable. So, when people say, “it will get easier”, it can bring up plenty of mixed emotions. Maybe this response helps you feel comforted or hopeful. Or maybe you feel like your life continues to be hard, and if it’s supposed to get easier, you’re ‘failing’ or that it’s not ever going to be easy. Life is many things, including beautiful, wonderous and kind, as well as complex, unkind, and challenging.

The reality is that life will continue to throw difficult circumstances your way – some days more than others. HOWEVER, as you progress and grow through life, you also learn to handle the difficult much better. You learn that it doesn’t have to be all-consuming and overwhelming each time. And you learn that waiting around for things to get easier usually isn’t enough. It takes effort.

Start by defining what “easier” means to you. Is it about having less pain and hardship or about acquiring tools to cope better and different ways to navigate the challenges? How do you classify something as hard – is it in comparison to other people or to a different time in your life?

WHEN LIFE IS HARD…
• Take stock of the skills and experiences you have gained over previous years. It’s easy to forget that you already have some tools in your personal toolbox.

• Think about what is really important to you, what you value. This is helpful when determining the scale of how hard something is. How much does it challenge your values?

• Consider alternate perspectives. How else could you think about the situation? What else might be true?

• Work on becoming more flexible in certain areas of your life. What habits, personal ‘rules’, thoughts patterns or situations could you adjust or change?

• Practice seeing possibilities more than viewing problems as being unsolvable. This shifts your mindset to be more confident and resilient.

• Regularly focus on self-care so that you don’t get burned out. Nurturing yourself helps balance the energy that gets drained by hard situations.

• Identify your strengths. Reflect on moments when you have been courageous, insightful, creative, and resourceful. Remind yourself that you’ve made it this far.

• Build and maintain a healthy support system. Establish meaningful connections with others. Seek relationships that are reciprocal – both of you making an effort to be supportive. Balance giving and receiving. Step back from the people in your life who only see the negative.

Seeing life as being easy or hard is not black-or-white. It depends on your individual choices, coping mechanisms, and outlook. Acknowledge the hard times. Just don’t get stuck there. Pay attention to good things, moments of strength, and the tools you have. Keep working to learn how to handle hard things better. This will ease the scale of how difficult life feels sometimes. Reach out for support. You are not in this alone.

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

What would you like to free yourself from that no longer serves you? It could be a situation, a thought, a relationship,...
23/04/2025

What would you like to free yourself from that no longer serves you? It could be a situation, a thought, a relationship, a memory, or a habit. There's more within your control than you might recognize.

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

What are you putting off? Something that brings joy, improvement, freedom, closure...?Motivation doesn't come before doi...
23/04/2025

What are you putting off?
Something that brings joy, improvement, freedom, closure...?
Motivation doesn't come before doing.
Action leads to motivation.

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

MENTAL FATIGUE & EXHAUSTIONHow balanced are you feeling lately…physically, emotionally, mental-health wise? If you chart...
21/04/2025

MENTAL FATIGUE & EXHAUSTION
How balanced are you feeling lately…physically, emotionally, mental-health wise? If you charted your energy out vs. energy in, what would it look like for you? Being mentally exhausted feels like running on empty. Similar to physical injury from overuse, mental fatigue results from persistent emotional and cognitive stress. The chronic stress might be from one area of your life, or several, such as: work, relationship problems, managing numerous responsibilities and commitments, poor self-care, or events beyond your control.

SIGNS OF MENTAL FATIGUE
• Irritable, short-tempered, lashing out at others, impatient
• Emotionally tapped out; heightened anxiety; numbed out; feeling unusually low
• Increased worry; internal alarms going off; overactive nervous system
• Doubt; pessimism
• Reduced productivity; lacking motivation & concentration; trouble completing tasks
• Poor sleep; restlessness
• Increased blood pressure, stomach problems, headaches, muscle tension, physical pain
• Checked out; slowed reaction times

Recovery from mental exhaustion and fatigue is possible. It is not a permanent state of being. There are steps you can take to rise out of the fog and regain energy and clarity.

INTENTIONAL RESTORATION
• Notice what you CHOOSE to focus on hour-to-hour, day-to-day. What’s the balance between things that stress you out vs. give you energy or lift you up?

• Prioritize your stressors. Tend to the most important tasks & people. Determine what can wait or be removed in your life. (Delegate when possible. You do not have to take everything on yourself!)

• Set boundaries. Communicate clearly what you can/cannot do; what you choose to do or not.

• Declutter your physical spaces and your calendar. Make room for revitalization & creativity.

• Take regular breaks to rest and recharge. Set a reminder timer if necessary. Go for a brisk 10-minute walk; stretch; drink water; go outside for fresh air; reduce digital use; shake your body out; read some pages from your favorite book; journal; talk to someone you care about.

• Reach out for support from friends & family. Talk to a therapist for outside perspective and tools.

Mental and emotional exhaustion doesn’t have to last forever. Emphasize the importance of balance in all areas of your life. This will benefit your productivity, your relationships, and overall well-being.

Peace Tree Counseling 720-320-8743 [email protected]

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