05/06/2022
âDear mama,
Could you wake up for a minute? I know itâs hard for you to open your eyes â we havenât slept a lot yet tonight. But mama, I kinda need you right now. You see, the thing is, I feel a bit lonely at the moment. Iâm laying here in my crib and Iâm somewhat cold.
I didnât mean to cry so Iâm sorry I did. Iâve been trying to get your attention by making some noises for a while now but you were in such a deep sleep, you couldnât hear me. I donât know how else to get your attention. During the day, I see and hear you all make noises and I see you respond well to each other. You talk to me like that too. And I try very hard but I donât know how to do that yet. So I cry so youâd listen to me.
Mama, Iâm sorry for crying. Like I said, I feel a bit lonely. I just spent nine months inside your belly where Iâve always felt safe. Itâs a bit scary to me to be in such a big bed all by myself. I miss your heartbeat, the rushing of your blood, the warmth and the food. I miss your breathing and your hands you put over me to protect me when I still was inside your belly.
So mama, would you please listen to me? Iâm calling for you in the only way Iâm able to. I feel really alone. I need your warmth and your peace for a moment. I need to know for sure youâre still here. So can I come lay with you for a little while to feel your warmth?
Some cuddles first. Mama, this feels so nice. When I feel you holding me while you gently rock me and when I can smell and feel you, I feel so safe. I can feel your hand on my back and my ear is placed just right on your heart. Mom, this is home to me. Do you remember back when we were always together? I always felt like this back then. Sometimes I miss that time. It was so nice to be close to you.
I hear you softly whisper into my ear âEverything is okay little one, everything is fineâ. Your voice is so soft and familiar. You smell good mom. A bit like me and a bit like you.
Mama, will you hold me just a little longer? Iâm really tired and I feel so relaxed in your arms. It almost feels like before. Iâm going to close my eyes for a little while, okay? Can I please stay with you here a little longer to enjoy your love and your presence?
And can I drink some more? Mama, since weâre laying like this anywayâŚIâd like to ask you something. I know, it sounds pretty sad because I canât talk like you can yet so Iâm sorry for crying again. But mama, can I please drink some more? My throat is dry and my tummy is empty and since weâre here anywayâŚmaybe I can have a few more sips? Your milk tastes delicious and is so warm and familiar.
Thanks mom, thatâs exactly what I needed. I was really really thirsty. Your finger on my cheek feels great by the way. And youâre smiling at me. Nothing makes me happier than seeing your smile and feeling your presence. Iâll close my eyes again, okay? Please donât put me away straight away, I really enjoy falling asleep here. This feels really good. Can I stay with you for another hour or so?
My tummy hurts. What is that?! Mama! Can you feel this? Mom? My tummy hurts so bad. What is happening? Please help me mama, I donât know whatâs happening. Iâve never felt anything like this.
Thank you for rubbing my belly mom. Itâs late and everyone is asleep. Iâm so happy youâre here for me. I donât know what Iâd do without you mama. My tummy already hurts less and when you hold me like thatâŚI feel pretty tired. Maybe Iâll close my eyes again. Please hold me a little longer?
Can I have more cuddles? You wonât believe this mama! Iâm a bit scared. I just woke up and I didnât know where I was for a second. It was all dark and a little cold again. I know youâre tired mama. But I really missed you, can I please be with you again for a while?
Mama, I can see that youâre tired. There are tears in your eyes and every now and then a tear rolls down your cheek. Iâm sorry mama but I feel really strange in this new world. I miss home. I miss always being close to you.
Sometimes I feel a tear fall on my head while you gently rock me. Youâre singing me a song so that I can go back to sleep. You softly dry the tears that fell on my head with your hand. That feels nice mom, do that again?
I fall asleep on your chest. You feel so soft, so familiar. Thereâs nowhere I sleep better than here. My legs are pulled up, just like they were back when I still lived with you. I can hear your heartbeat again and I move along with your breathing.
I will learn soon. Mama, youâre the best place to be. Iâm so glad I get to come to you over and over again. I donât like being unable to just ask either but Iâm really happy you listen to me when I call for you.
Soon, Iâll be able to be there for you. Or for my brothers or sisters. Or for my friends in school. Youâre teaching me how to take care of someone. Youâre teaching me that you listen, even when I canât ask. Youâre teaching me Iâm safe, even when sometimes it feels like Iâm not. Youâre teaching me that you love me, even when youâre very tired. Thank you.
And mama, I love you.â