19/08/2019
3️⃣ minutes when they wake-up.
3️⃣ minutes when you pick them up from school.
3️⃣ minutes at bedtime.
Our children crave our connection. For them, connection is not JUST about feeling loved, seen, and heard (although those are critically important). It’s about feeling safe. Meeting a basic, primitive need.
Starting the day off with a reconnection helps them feel safe from the start. A brain that feels safe, is a calm brain. A calm brain allows our children to operate in the higher parts of their brain, the green zone, where empathy, problem-solving, attention, and emotional regulation happen.
After a long separation such as a nap, school, daycare, children need that reassurance/reconnection again.
And the three final minutes of the day gives them a final fill of connection.
In our house, I find that conscious reconnection helpful when one of my boys starts “buzzing on the edge” - how I describe the energy before a child falls over "the edge" into an epic tantrum.
If we recognize their “buzz” - whining, aggression, grumpiness, as a cry for help, and stop for quick reconnect, we could, potentially, sidestep a tantrum. Not always, because sometimes we all just need a good cry.
The quality of connection matters so here is a quick checklist:
✅Presence: Fully focus on your child. Notice your child’s expression, laugh, eye gaze, hair. Take time to just breath them in.
✅Eye contact: Gentle eye contact. Not creepy “I’m watching you” style. When we look away, then look back and “catch” someone’s gaze, our brain is flooded with happy, bonding hormones. Think different variations of peek-a-boo.
✅Playfulness: Some kind of silly to get a sweet smile or laugh.
✅Touch: Snuggle, hold hands, kiss, hug, carry.
If you want ideas to get started, check-out ’s I Love You Rituals! I’ll post some examples in my story today!
Would love to hear some of your ideas so we can all learn some new ideas 👇🏼👇🏼