Transformational Journeys Counseling Services

11/24/2024

Chinese proverb. Every crisis is an opportunity to spiral down into psychopathology or a time to grow and transform. It often it not that simple but there is some truth to this. Expect a wide range of emotions and give yourself lots of self compassion. Reach out and share with safe people who are not afraid of your big emotions. Trust yourself to know what you’re feeling and not second guessing. ❤️

06/13/2024

12/24/2021

There is a lot on this which I believe is true.

Depression is frozen feeling. It’s seldom a disease of the ‘mind’. It’s a disease of the heart. It is sourced in unexpressed, unreleased, and unhealed pain that is held deep within the physical and emotional body. You can talk about it in therapy to soften its edges, you can medicate it in the hopes that it becomes more manageable, but the real work has to happen somatically, deep within the body itself. The frozen material has to be thawed out, worked through, released. Our shadow is not our enemy. Repression is. Unfortunately, we still live in a world that is afraid of the source material. So we shun it, bury it, ‘manage’ it with dissociative spiritualities, medications and analysis (‘excessive analysis perpetuates emotional paralysis’). All of this merely perpetuates and concretizes the problem.

The only way to heal depression is to get to its roots. To get right inside those frozen feelings, and to thaw them out somatically. We felt the initial pain in our hearts. We must go right back inside of our hearts to feel and resolve it. No more damming up of our emotions. No more defenses and denials. Instead, a society-wide acceptance of the fact that we are all carrying pain. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. It's part of our collective experience. And a culturally embraced invitation to do the real work to heal its deep roots with body-centered psychotherapies. And with love. The more we can love those who are struggling with depression, the more strength they will have to reclaim their past and heal their hearts. They didn’t have support back then. Let’s give it to them, now. Let’s create a safe societal container to bring those feelings back to the surface. THE FEEL IS FOR REAL. Let's feel our way back to life... (*this is intrinsic to the message at the heart of my book, 'Grounded Spirituality')

07/06/2021

Yes! How to support your kids to be friends.

Our siblings are usually the people we know longest in this life, but it’s striking how many people have distant, even hostile relations with their brothers and sisters. Family tensions related to sibling rivalries wear on parents individually, and sometimes can challenge their marriage – so it....

06/29/2021

Dear Mum and Dad,

Please stick with me.

I can’t think clearly right now because there is a rather substantial section of my prefrontal cortex missing. It’s a fairly important chunk, something having to do with rational thought. You see, it won’t be fully developed until I’m about 25. And from where I sit, 25 seems a long way off.

But here's what i want my parents to know..

My brain is not yet fully developed

It doesn’t matter that I’m smart; even a perfect score on my math test doesn’t insulate me from the normal developmental stages that we all go through. Judgement and intelligence are two completely distinct things.

And, the same thing that makes my brain wonderfully flexible, creative and sponge-like also makes me impulsive. Not necessarily reckless or negligent but more impulsive than I will be later in life.

Please stick with me.

So when you look at me like I have ten heads after I’ve done something “stupid” or failed to do something “smart,” you’re not really helping.

You adults respond to situations with your prefrontal cortex (rationally) but I am more inclined to respond with my amygdala (emotionally). And when you ask, “What were you thinking?” the answer is I wasn’t, at least not in the way you are. You can blame me, or you can blame mother nature, but either way, it is what it is.

At this point in my life, I get that you love me, but my friends are my everything. Please understand that. Right now I choose my friends, but, don’t be fooled, I am watching you. Carefully.

Please stick with me.
......

Here’s what you can do for me

1. Model adulting.
I see all the behaviors that you are modeling and I hear all of the words you say. I may not listen but I do hear you. I seem impervious to your advice, like I’m wearing a Kevlar vest but your actions and words are penetrating. I promise. If you keep showing me the way, I will follow even if I detour many, many times before we reach our destination.

2. Let me figure things out for myself.

If you allow me to experience the consequences of my own actions I will learn from them. Please give me a little bit of leash and let me know that I can figure things out for myself. The more I do, the more confidence and resilience I will develop.

3. Tell me about you.

I want you to tell me all the stories of the crazy things you did as a teen, and what you learned from them. Then give me the space to do the same.

4. Help me with perspective.

Keep reminding me of the big picture. I will roll my eyes at you and make all kinds of grunt-like sounds. I will let you know in no uncertain terms that you can’t possibly understand any of what I’m going through. But I’m listening. I really am. It’s hard for me to see anything beyond the weeds that I am currently mired in. Help me scan out and focus on the long view. Remind me that this moment will pass.

5. Keep me safe.

Please remind me that drugs and driving don’t mix. Keep telling me that you will bail me out of any dangerous situation, no anger, no lectures, no questions asked. But also let me know over and over and over that you are there to listen, when I need you.

6. Be kind.

I will learn kindness from you and if you are relentless in your kindness to me, someday I will imitate that behavior. Don’t ever mock me, please and don’t be cruel. Humor me-I think I know everything. You probably did as well at my age. Let it go.

7. Show interest in the things I enjoy.

Some days I will choose to share my interests with you, and it will make me feel good if you validate those interests, by at least acting interested.

One day when the haze of adolescence lifts, you will find a confident, strong, competent, kind adult where a surly teenager once stood. In the meantime, buckle in for the ride.

and.. Please stick with me.

Love,

Your Teenager
....

By Helene Wingens
https://grownandflown.com/letter-from-teen-to-parents/

06/25/2021

In addition to its staggering impact on physical well-being and mortality, COVID-19 is also taking an unprecedented toll on our mental health.

06/18/2021

05/28/2021

This is a short video clip and trauma informed, very insightful to the impacts of emotional abuse on the brain.

It's often said that sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you. While that phrase may help some people brush off mean the word, it isn't exactly supported by science. While physical abuse is easy to spot, how do you even recognize emotional abuse? Emotional abuse is sort of like carbon monoxide. It doesn't have any obvious signs we can see, but it can be deadly. Emotional abuse can actually damage your brain structure. Victims suffering from constant emotional abuse experience a shrinking of the hippocampus. This is a brain area that is crucial for learning. The hippocampus plays an important role in your short term memory and for learning short term memory retention is the first step. Any piece of information in your brain is first stored in your short term memory before it can be converted to long term, without short term memory, there can be no learning. This damage to the hippocampus is a lot more disturbing than scientists initially thought. When you are under stress, your body releases a stress hormone known as cortisol. Researchers found that cortisol attacks the neurons in the hippocampus and causes it to reduce in size. So, the more stressed you are, the more cortisol will be released, and the more the hippocampus will shrink in size.

Another part of the brain that is affected by emotional abuse is the amygdala. Victims of emotional abuse remain in a constant state of anxiety and fear. This is because long term emotional abuse results in swelling of their amygdala. This part of the brain controls your breathing and heart rate. It is also your emotional control centre, which determines how you process feelings such as love, lust, hate it fear. When someone is emotionally abused, their amygdala is constantly on alert and reacts to the slightest sign of abuse. As a result, the victims are in a constant state of fight or flight.

This is taken from a recent workshop I attended by Dawn McBride. I love how she explains it in such an easy to understand way.

03/20/2021

03/06/2021

Yes!

02/20/2021

Simpler version...

Many people experience times in their lives when they feel overwhelmed and need clarity. Our mission is to provide the highest quality psychological care by ...

02/20/2021

Really good video on how to remain calm and not flip your lid through self-awareness.

01/07/2021

Excellent explanation on understanding trauma, how it plays out in the body, and how to work though it.

Healing Trauma: Getting Unstuck and Becoming Whole"Understanding the role that shame plays in our life can be a catalyst for change.” - Aundi KolberOn this episode of Restoring the Soul, Michael is joined by Aundi Kolber. Aundi is a Licensed Profe...

12/11/2020

In this video, I teach 10 essential daily habits to manage stress and anxiety. But in this video, I’m also going to explain a way of thinking about stress th...

12/11/2020

Peter Levine, PhD, shares two important resources to help trauma patients feel safe both in session and out in the world.