10/05/2024
Oh take no notice of me. It's my issue.
I had a few too many wines last night and then I get maudy.
To be fair I once knew so many people living with HIV in Cornwall.
Over 100 when I was a peer supporter
And there are more now but I will never know
As no one talks to me here now
But my remit has always been women living with HIV here and to be honest it has not ever gone well!!!
There was always an issue as I've been publicly out since the very first week of my diagnosis and I have not since met a single other woman here in Cornwall that also was?
Well.................Except Robbie. my hero..............
Who so was. But sadly chose not to take her medications ....I really tried ..........but sadly died about 5 years ago.
RIP Robbie
But over the years I have met and known so many women in Cornwall also living with HIV. But none of them out about it!
In fact I had a friend for over 10 years who was also living with HIV who is over 80 now. And thankfully still going strong
But she was never out about it. Said she was but was not, at all...........
And that was fine. By me. It is always our own personal decision
She is not a friend now., But due to nothing about HIV.
As I never have and never will expose another's HIV status.
But it was difficult. when I was her friend and hung out with her. People would ask me about HIV etc and I would try to educate. yet there was she sitting next to me. Who had lived with it at least 10 years longer than me.
But she said nothing!! Very difficult
As said - I never have and never will expose another's HIV status.
But at least she then wanted to know me
Because most/all women in Cornwall living with HIV do NOT want to know me. At all!
Because I am out about it.
It has always been an issue from the very first.
When I set up and ran the only womens group here for those living with HIV. The hate started even before the group even started................
I got them then and too this day get haters.
And from those I set it up for.
Then it was not so much online. So I'd put my phone number out.
~I will never forget ..........
The phone call I had from one woman. Who said she hated me. She had come to Cornwall to somewhere HIV did not exist. And me putting it out there was jeopardizing her life.
As her partner and mother might find out she lived with it.,
Bear in mind I have no idea to this day why she thought that?
I have no idea who she was to this day?
But she beranged me for 3 hours on the phone for daring to put it out there for a womens group for those of us living with HIV The Eddystone Trust - HIV & Sexual Health
That was not the end of it. in my alienation from women in Cornwall living with HIV.
When I started the womens group. One woman came the second time we met, just to give me a piece of her mind.
That I was 'interfering ' in things I did not understand and to just keep my mouth shut.
Yes this happened. And only about
Another in the group, a lovely woman with then a three month old baby and two older children .......... said
~
I'm fine with meeting with you here.
But if I ever met you in the street and you say hello to I will kill you!
Of course she would not she was a lovely woman. And i live in West Cornwall and she the other side of Bodmin??
So we would never meet in any street!!
Another, more recently.......well last year. Found me on FB and lived just down the road. maybe three miles away. I was so happy to meet her and told her about our HIV UK support group.
I spent several months supporting her
But she also blew me out.
Told me I was making too much fuss about living with HIV and blocked me and left the group.
Bare in mind until she talked to me she had been living in secret for 20+ years with HIV. After a while of us talking on messenger she put it out on her facebook, only to her friends and family.
( please understand this was not down to me. I did not have any part in her decision, it was entirely her decision )
But........ then ..........as everyone she told had been supportive and I am so glad that they were................
She was so happy and told me that there was no stigma anymore.
I said , I was so glad she had not experienced it.she has wonderful friends and family. But stigma still exists
But she basically then trashed me
Blocked me, left the UK group. Not before telling me I was full of c++p. That stigma re HIV did not exist anymore. So I was up my own bac..side
And there has been more.
We have met a few men too.
My husband also living with HIV is a man.
He is fine with anyone.......... he has no interest in what sexuality you are . ... nor do I
But most who live with HIV in Cornwall and are out are gay and that is fine by him and us
So the upshot is that living with HIV in Cornwall
Is utter C**P
But that shows just a bit of the anger I have had living here with HIV and sadly from other women here also living with it.
So I have pretty much given up now
