Vitality.Guru

20/09/2024

In June 2021, I woke up nearly blind.

My vision had deteriorated overnight, and I was rushed to intensive care with no clear diagnosis.

The doctors were unsure if it was multiple sclerosis, a genetic disorder, or something else.

Alone in the hospital, my confidence plummeted.

I questioned whether I could continue my work, fearing my clients would see me as weak if they knew what I was facing.

I hesitated to share what I was going through, thinking vulnerability might make me appear less capable. But then I realized if one of my clients were in my situation, I’d encourage them to open up.
So, I posted about my experience, sharing my fear and uncertainty.

The response was overwhelming. People I knew—friends, colleagues, even clients—began opening up about their own struggles. I realized that by showing vulnerability, I wasn’t weakening myself; I was strengthening my connection with others.

Vulnerability isn’t a weakness. It’s a bridge to deeper, more authentic relationships.

Being vulnerable reminds us that no one is perfect, and perfection isn’t what brings people together.

What connects us is our shared humanity, our fears, and the courage to show up despite them. That experience taught me that, even in my darkest moments, vulnerability is my greatest strength.

16/09/2024

Have you outgrown your mentor? Maybe even surpassed them?

You don’t want to cut ties, but now you’re stuck in an awkward space between former mentee and professional equal.

In my latest Dear Remy column for The Hollywood Reporter *

One of my readers asked how I would tackle this tricky situation:

“Steve has been my mentor for 30 years… but I’ve surpassed him. He still calls my landline, offering his ‘Words of Wisdom,’ and refers to me as his ‘protégée’ at industry parties.”

If you’ve found yourself in a similar position…

Here are 3 tips on how to navigate this delicate situation:

1) Pivot the relationship

Instead of “dumping” your mentor, could it become more of a nostalgic check-in?

2) Communicate your needs

Be honest. “I’ve appreciated your advice, but I’m in a different place now, focusing on new challenges.”

3) Don’t burn bridges

You never know when their skillset or perspective might be valuable again.

I also explore challenges around typecasting and a prop master’s moral dilemma in this week’s column. 🎭

—

🖋️ Are you ready for support accomplishing your next big career milestone?

I help creatives navigate tough career choices every day.

04/09/2024

I’ve just had the privilege of being filmed by the talented director Bobby Sheehan and his crew, who flew over from America to capture my story for the series “A Year of Transformation.”

Bobby’s television credits include:

🎥The Talent Collector (AMC)
🎥Repo Men (Discovery/TLC)
🎥Jeff Koons: Beyond Heaven (Ovation TV)
🎥Mr. Prince (Ovation TV)

He is producing this series alongside Sara Sheehan.

Having only qualified as a coach in 2018, I was surprised and a little intimidated to be chosen as one of the top coaches featured in this series…

Especially alongside legends like:

Phil Stutz, Hollywood’s go-to therapist
and Martha McSally, the first American woman to fly in combat

The documentary they are creating captures my journey—from a child struggling to fit in, to a television innovator, and now a coach committed to helping others.

As a coach, whether working one-to-one or with groups, the surest sign I have of my impact is when people’s eyes are shiny.

Shiny eyes show me that something is happening.

At the end of these three days of filming, it’s hard to gauge the full impact of my work, but I can tell you this:

There were seven pairs of shiny eyes (not including mine).

In addition to the documentary, we filmed three “as live” coaching sessions where I explored several crucial topics:

1) Discovering your true self
2) Uncovering your core purpose
3) Harnessing the power of commitment

It’s been an incredible experience, and I’m excited to share these transformative insights with a wider audience.

02/09/2024

As “Hollywood’s expert on everything” in my weekly “Dear Remy” column for The Hollywood Reporter…

I’ve been counseling a diverse array of individuals facing unique challenges, with letters edited by Sarah Mills

Recently, I’ve given advice to:

😱 An executive battling with the unreasonable demands of a celebrity boss.

📚 A sci-fi filmmaker battling with fan criticism of his films’ scientific accuracy.

🤖 An actor confronting the unsettling reality of their voice being used by AI without consent.

I’ve also had the privilege of counseling…

🏆 A veteran writer lamenting decades of Emmy snubs and wondering if her time will ever come.

🎥 A producer grappling with the fallout of another box office flop.

👻 A TV writer facing guilt as viewers attempt to identify real-life inspirations for his characters

The list goes on.

Bottom line is…

Over the last 4 months that I’ve been writing the column, the experience has really broadened my scope.

My life, coaching high achievers in media, often has me focusing on common themes:

• How do I define my niche?

• How do I master a fearless mindset?

• How do I give clients the confidence they need?

Each day brings new challenges, and one thing remains constant:

The incredible resilience and creativity of those I coach.

And I will link to the column in the comments.

04/07/2024

Are You Bringing Too Much to the Table to Be Treated Like a Napkin? 🧺

Do you ever feel like you’re contributing more than your share, yet not receiving the recognition or reward you deserve? 🤔

If you’re consistently giving your best but feeling overlooked, it might be worth considering if you’re inadvertently allowing yourself to be undervalued. 💭

Sometimes, if you’re being treated like a napkin, it’s because you’re acting like one. 🧻

It’s crucial to understand your worth and project it confidently. 💪

While entitlement often has negative connotations, acting with a sense of grounded self-awareness and respect can open doors. 🚪 This doesn’t mean behaving like a jerk, but rather understanding and advocating for your worth.

Here are some questions to ponder:

• Do you feel acknowledged and appreciated for your contributions? 🙌
• Are your skills and talents being utilized to their fullest potential? 🌟
• Is your compensation reflective of the value you bring to your organization? 💼

If you find that you’re giving more than you’re getting, it might be time to reassess your situation. ⚖️

In my article for Thrive Global, I discuss how a healthy sense of entitlement can empower you to seek what you truly deserve. It’s about striking a balance where you can confidently articulate your value without crossing the line into arrogance. 🏆

If you’re consistently bringing valuable ideas, solutions, and energy to your workplace, ensure you’re not undervaluing yourself in the process. 🔥

Advocate for your worth, seek environments that recognize and reward your contributions, and remember: your talents and efforts deserve more than to be overlooked or undervalued. 🌱

For more insights on how to balance confidence with humility, check out my article here:

https://community.thriveglobal.com/acting-entitled-can-open-doors-and-you-dont-need-to-act-like-a-jerk/

02/07/2024

Have you ever felt like your past overshadowed your present?

I know I have.

Today, in my weekly column for The Hollywood Reporter
, I help a Hollywood pariah facing cancellation, a media heir conflicted about selling the family business, and a successful screenwriter battling jealousy of actors.

Questions Edited by Sarah Mills

A ‘90s sitcom star finds himself a Hollywood outcast, not for his actions, but for his character’s controversial behavior being scrutinized by today’s standards. Can he reinvent himself like a popstar? 🎬🔥

An heir to a media empire grapples with the decision to sell the family business, facing a plummeting stock price and accusations of personal vendetta. Is holding onto power worth the chaos? 💼💥

A successful screenwriter, with a room full of trophies, battles green-eyed envy watching actors bask in the spotlight, delivering their lines. Can they find his own catharsis or will jealousy consume him? 📝👀

You can read this weeks problems and answers here-

https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/lifestyle/lifestyle-news/dear-remy-hollywood-career-coach-advice-canceled-star-jealous-screenwriter-1235935664/

30/06/2024

We all encounter moments of profound change and uncertainty.

The Lebanese poet Khalil Gibran’s metaphor of the river meeting the sea, speaks not just of the unknown, but of mortality. He reminds us that embracing transformation is essential for growth.

“It is said that before entering the sea a river trembles with fear. She looks back at the path she has traveled, from the peaks of the mountains, the long winding road crossing forests and villages. And in front of her, she sees an ocean so vast, that to enter there seems nothing more than to disappear forever. But there is no other way. The river cannot go back. Nobody can go back. To go back is impossible in existence. The river needs to take the risk of entering the ocean because only then will fear disappear, because that’s where the river will know it’s not about disappearing into the ocean, but of becoming the ocean.”

~ Khalil Gibran
1883-1931

The photograph is by Ansel Adams 1902-1984

27/06/2024

Do you find your boss super challenging?

When one person has the power to hire and fire, the relationship is never symmetrical. And when you throw fame into the equation, the power balance can get very distorted.

This week in “Dear Remy,“ my career advice column for The Hollywood Reporter I counsel the newly pointed head of an A-list production company who is struggling with their famous celebrity boss - who reminds me a little of Miranda Priestly, played by Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada pictured.

I also offer some advice for a stylist who is questioning the values, and an actor who prefers CGI characters to humans. Questions as always edited by Sarah Mills

My Famous Boss Is a Nightmare

Dear Remy,

Imagine my excitement earlier this year when I was hired by a celebrated actress to be president of her TV and film label.

What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was how god-awful my new boss’s ideas would be! You would think someone who had been in the industry since scrunchies were acceptable would have developed good instincts. No such luck. She seems intent on telling stories from her own life – which even a Benedictine monk would find mundane – and rehashing hack plot-lines that feel straight out of the 00s. Last week, I kid you not, she started pitching me a musical centering around a high school choir. It was like Glee never happened.

But when I express my doubts about the commercial viability of a proposed project, she takes it personally. She has had hissy fits that remind me of my two-year-old’s tantrums—and not just because they both have a proclivity for dressing in tutus. I think thirty years of entourages allowing her to follow her every whim has made her impossible to reason with. It’s like I’m the first and only person who’s ever challenged her

Remy, if we let my two-year-old be surrounded by people who always said yes to her, we’d create a monster, and yet we swaddle our celebrities in bubble-wrap like they’re fragile stars from a bygone era. Do you think this culture will ever change?

I joined this company because I thought this A-list founder would be able to open doors. And she can—but then I have to walk through those doors with an iPad full of stinkers. What advice do you have for someone in my situation? Is it a lost cause, or can I correct the power imbalance?

Sincerely,

Tutu Tangled

You can read my reply here: https://www.hollywoodreporter.com/lifestyle/lifestyle-news/dear-remy-hollywood-career-coach-advice-met-gala-burn-out-1235930048/

26/06/2024

Do you take professional rejection personally?

Do you make negative outcomes mean something bad about yourself?

“They must not like me.”

“They do not want me.”

In the creative industries this way of feeling “attached” to projects is very normal. But, especially in today’s challenging market, this mindset is NOT helpful.

In the movie Whiplash (2014) -pictured- Andrew, an ambitious jazz drummer, played by Miles Teller, becomes so fiercely attached to the idea of becoming one of the greats, that he pushes himself to unhealthy extremes.

Understanding the difference between being 100% committed and being attached can transform how we approach goals.

When committed, you still fully invest in achieving a positive outcome but remain detached from the result, knowing your value isn’t tied to success or failure. This mindset fosters creativity and openness to feedback. It’s essential for any chance of success in our current environment.

In contrast, attachment is when your ego is tied to the outcome, causing fear and anxiety. This rigidity stifles creativity and discourages collaboration.

When your ego is wrapped up in what you’re doing, it’s no fun for anyone

By committing without attachment, you pursue goals passionately while staying flexible and open, creating a more enjoyable and effective path to success.

In a nutshell: You can do everything in your power to make something happen, without making it all about you.

Your value as a human being has nothing to do with the success of your projects or plans.

If you’ve experienced the difference in your career, please leave a comment.

You can link to my article about this topic here:

https://community.thriveglobal.com/its-not-all-about-you/

25/06/2024

As I celebrate publication of the sixth “Dear Remy” column in London with question Editor Sarah Mills, at The Biltmore Hotel in Los Angeles The Hollywood Reporter won 11 first-place prizes at the L.A Press Club's 66th Annual SoCal Journalism Awards, more than any other publication.

In addition to Best Website, we took home top honors for photography, news writing, feature writing, social media and criticism.

Congratulations to co-editor in chief Maer Roshan and the tireless team at THR--the best in the business.

This week I help:

A stylist coping with butt-painting stars 🎨🍑✨💁‍♀️

An actor who prefers CGI characters to humans 🎭🎬👾🤖

The head of an A-list production company who can’t stand his shouty boss 🏢💼🤯🗣️

Link to column in the comments.

19/06/2024

Afraid You May Be Losing Your Creative Spark?

Do you worry that the passion for your work might fade?

As a high achiever or creative in the film and TV industry, have you felt the creative spark that once fueled your projects dimming?

Are the current market challenges and constant changes making you question your path?

Consider the character of Joe Gardner from Pixar’s “Soul”(Pictured .) Joe is a middle school music teacher who dreams of being a professional jazz musician. Despite his talent, Joe finds himself in a rut, questioning whether his passion for music will ever lead to the fulfillment he craves. His journey of rediscovery, prompted by an unexpected twist of fate, resonates deeply with anyone who has ever doubted their path.

In these times, it’s crucial to remember that passion is not a finite resource. Like Joe, it’s helpful for us to step back, reflect, and reconnect with the core of what inspired us in the first place.

Here are a few ways to reignite your creative spark:

1. How Can We Turn Challenges Into Creative Opportunities? The market’s challenges can be opportunities in disguise. Consider how you can express your creativity through different mediums or innovative storytelling techniques. Remember, creativity is not something you possess; it is something that flows through you when conditions are right.

2. What Diverse Influences Can You Explore to Spark New Ideas? Immerse yourself in films, books, and art that move you. Often, inspiration emerges from unexpected sources. Creativity thrives when you allow yourself to be influenced by a variety of stimuli.

3. How Can Engaging with Other Creatives Ignite New Ideas? Collaborative efforts often reveal insights that may not surface when working alone. Creativity often requires a balance of individual effort and collective inspiration.

4. How Can Stepping Away Occasionally Lead to Greater Clarity? Sometimes, stepping away from your work can provide the clarity needed. Allow yourself time to recharge without guilt. Periods of nothingness or boredom can lead to flashes of creativity and insight, as proven by moments of great discoveries throughout history.

5. Can We Find Joy in the Creative Process Itself? Like Joe’s realization in “Soul,” the joy of creativity often lies in the process, not just the end result.

Savor the process and celebrate the small victories along the way. Integrating playful and experimental aspects of creativity can relieve the pressure of constant productivity.

Rediscovering passion in challenging times is possible; it’s an opportunity for growth and transformation.

Finding new ways to collaborate and create inspiring work opens up possibilities for innovation, connection, and growth.

Everybody has a soul. Joe Gardner is about to find his. Watch the new trailer for Disney and Pixar’s Soul, in theaters June 19. About Soul: What is it that m...

16/06/2024

Today, on Father’s Day, I find myself reflecting deeply on the man who shaped so much of who I am. My father, Yorick, who passed away this year on April 8. was a giant in my life.

This photo captures the essence of our bond – me, a child on his shoulders, feeling invincible and full of joy.

He taught me that standing on the shoulders of giants means more than just reaching new heights; it’s about the love, wisdom, and strength that those giants impart to us.

My father’s support was not unwavering or unconditional. We had some challenging times in our long shared journey. But his endless encouragement, and his quiet strength have carried me through life’s challenges and triumphs.

Though he is no longer physically with us, his spirit, his lessons, and his love continue to guide me every day. I am forever grateful for the giant whose shoulders I had the privilege to stand on.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I miss you more than words can express, but I know you are still lifting me up, just as you always did.

05/06/2024

Ever feel like disaster is just around the corner?

Maybe you’re terrified of being shamed or humiliated, being publicly mocked, losing control, or being seen as a failure, a misfit, or a monster?

I sometimes react to my partner leaving the house as though I were a small child being “abandoned.”

This fear can put you in a state of hypervigilance—on edge, worried, scared, and really unhappy. No amount of reassurance seems to help.

Here’s a powerful insight from psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott:

“The catastrophe you fear will happen has already happened.”

What he’s saying is that the trauma from your past is what’s causing your anxiety today. To heal, you need to remember and acknowledge this past trauma.

Trauma often gets buried because it’s too painful to deal with, causing ongoing chaos in our minds.

In the series I Will Destroy You Arabella played by author Michaela Coel (pictured here) goes on a search for answers following a traumatic flashback.

Whereas it’s mostly in psychotherapy that we dive into past experiences to understand and heal, and Coaching, is much more about the present and future, fears for the future rooted in past events is one of the few areas where in order to move forward we first need to examine our past.

To start to tackle unprocessed past trauma, you can reverse-engineer your fears.

Try this: make a list of your future fears in one column, and in the other column, think about past events that might have caused these fears. This exercise takes time, patience, and a relaxed environment. It could involve music, a long journey, talking with a friend or late nights with a pad and paper.

As you do this, memories and emotions will resurface, bringing sadness and (hopefully) compassion for yourself.

Realize that the worst already happened—you were made to feel like a monster, you were abandoned.

This doesn’t mean there’s nothing to fear now, but as adults, we have the power to take action. We’re not helpless like traumatized children.

Life can be tough, but we don’t need to be as terrified as we once were.

Most likely, the disasters you fear won’t happen because it’s your past, not your present, making you afraid.

By exploring your past, you can relocate your fears to where they belong—as historic trauma—and start living more freely today.

24/05/2024

I have some news to share from Hollywood.

The Hollywood Reporter, a cornerstone of entertainment journalism since 1933, has invited me to write a weekly coaching advice column called “Dear Remy.”

It’s an exciting new addition for the magazine, with questions edited by Sarah Mills

Today, The Hollywood Reporter attracts 16.2 million unique monthly views, maintains 10 million social media followers, and achieves 60 million monthly video views, underscoring its prominent position in the entertainment sector.

Having followed THR since my early days as a young entertainment reporter in New York, and with them subsequently covering my journey as a TV producer, I am happy and grateful for this opportunity.

I will endeavor to offer creative perspectives for industry professionals with challenges such as these:

• A star who can’t stop channeling their character’s rage: 🌟😡
• An agent’s identity crisis over Tik Tok: 🕵️‍♂️🌀🎵
• An actor’s feet make them feel “compartmentalized”: 👣📦
• A nepo baby who can’t find their actors way: 👶🌟🧭
• A sci-fi director who’s lost in their own plot holes: 🎬🌀🕳️
• A mother-daughter duo in need of excavation: 👩‍👧⛏️.

24/05/2024

I have some news to share from Hollywood.

The Hollywood Reporter, a cornerstone of entertainment journalism since 1933, has invited me to write a weekly coaching advice column called “Dear Remy.”

It’s an exciting new addition for the magazine, with questions edited by Sarah Mills

Today, The Hollywood Reporter attracts 16.2 million unique monthly views, maintains 10 million social media followers, and achieves 60 million monthly video views, underscoring its prominent position in the entertainment sector.

Having followed THR since my early days as a young entertainment reporter in New York, and with them subsequently covering my journey as a TV producer, I am happy and grateful for this opportunity.

I will endeavor to offer creative perspectives for industry professionals with challenges such as these:

• A star who can’t stop channeling their character’s rage: 🌟😡
• An agent’s identity crisis over Tik Tok: 🕵️‍♂️🌀🎵
• An actor’s feet make them feel “compartmentalized”: 👣📦
• A nepo baby who can’t find their actors way: 👶🌟🧭
• A sci-fi director who’s lost in their own plot holes: 🎬🌀🕳️
• A mother-daughter duo in need of excavation: 👩‍👧⛏️.

21/05/2024

🧐 What knotty problems are being thrown up in your professional life?

This week in my Dear Rémy column in the Hollywood Reporter, I dive into some uniquely challenging scenarios! 🎬✨

📺 Life on Screen: The star of an autobiographically-based TV show deals with fans’ burning questions about their real-life and on-screen persona.

👶 Nepo Baby Woes: I help a Hollywood Nepo Baby navigate the tricky waters of familial resentment and find their own spotlight.

🚀 Sci-Fi Setbacks: A sci-fi filmmaker wrestles with over-eager science nerds. How do we balance creative vision with fan expectations?

Check out this week’s column, with questions edited by Sarah Mills for insights and advice on handling these peculiar challenges. Link in comments.

15/05/2024

What’s holding you back from achieving something extraordinary?

Today I’m celebrating my client, the award winning film maker Marc J Francis whose notable films include “Black Gold", which premiered at Sundance, and "When China Met Africa" a groundbreaking collaboration with the BBC and Arte.

As a storyteller and seeker of wisdom Marc shines a light on the human condition by exploring the extraordinary stories of marginalised characters and unsung heroes in his signature immersive and intimate style.

When we started working together, Marc was struggling to move forward on perhaps his most moving, poignant feature documentary to date.

"Here I Am', is about grief and the power of creativity to find meaning in our lives before it's too late. You can find more about it here: https://www.marcjfrancis.com/here-i-am-documentary

It comes out of Marc’s experience making his last film, “Walk With Me,” about Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh (narrated by Benedict Cumberbatch) and his passion for inspiring audiences to embrace our mortality and live our lives fully, without regrets. This resonates so strongly with me.

I’m proud to say, Marc is now in the edit, hard at work finishing “Here I Am.” He attributes the project’s current evolution in large part to our work together. This morning Marc writes:

“At a time of great uncertainty in the independent film industry, and struggling to get my latest feature documentary funded, Remy gave me the confidence, and support to not give up and to remain positive and focussed despite the many rejections I had received.

He helped me appreciate my value, and negotiate hard for what I wanted and needed and without his coaching I would not have landed such a good investment deal into my film.

Remy also helped me create an additional income stream by developing my story consultancy work - and this has become something else that I enjoy doing - helping others tell their story too.

Remy really got to the heart of the matter in a short space of time to allow me to focus and create impact.”

Marc has already raised 80% of the total funding required to complete the project, and he wishes to submit it to Sundance 2025 where his first film (Black Gold 2006) was launched.

If you’re inspired and want to help fund him, please send him a message: [email protected]

14/05/2024

Yes! My weekly, “Dear Remy” coaching advice column is LIVE today in The Hollywood Reporter.

This exciting new addition for the magazine is the brainchild of Co-Editor in chief, Maer Roshan with creative stewardship from Articles Editor Benjamin Svetkey, questions edited by the brilliant Sarah Mills and illustration by Russ Tudor

Founded in 1932, The Hollywood Reporter attracts 21.1 million unique monthly views, maintains 10 million social media followers, and achieves 60 million monthly video views, underscoring its position in our industry.

Having followed THR since my early days as a young entertainment reporter in New York, and with them subsequently covering my journey as a TV producer, I am happy and grateful for this opportunity.

This week I endeavor to offer creative solutions for:

• A star who can’t stop channeling their character’s rage: 🌟😡

• An agent’s identity crisis over Tik Tok: 🕵️‍♂️🌀🎵

• An actor’s feet make them feel “compartmentalized”: 👣

Remy Blumenfeld built his reputation as a celebrated TV producer in England. Now he's putting his talents to better use, with an advice column guaranteed (sort of) to solve Hollywood's knottiest personal problems.