South Tyneside Homes

28/01/2024

💰KERCHING 💰

01/12/2023

Hello my little festive freeloaders. It’s Barry here from the repairs department and I’m feeling very christmassy today!

Just finished decorating the office tree. There’s nothing quite like the smell of bud when you walk into work on a morning. Sadly it’s going to have to be felled just before Xmas to fund the staff night out. 170’s an Oz pure cali, none of that dawg crap. If anyones got an issue about how we make our money here then bare in mind that if all those lazy fu***rs in arrears payed their rent up to date we wouldn’t have to do this.

To everyone else, Merry Christmas from me and all the other guys here at sth that ignore your repair requests.

Have a blazer of a Friday. ❤️

29/11/2023

Another satisfied Tennant. We pride ourselves on our exceptional customer service here at South Tyneside Homes case closed!

26/10/2023

Hello Mortgage dodgers. If anyones stuck for what to spend their universal credit on today. Hebburn Greggs have had a clay oven installed and started doing an Indian range. Ive just had myself a rice pasty but the sausage and bean samosas look tasty, as do the corned beef naans 🤌

25/10/2023

Hi guys. Bit of a parking issue pointed out here by our friends over at the council. Who thinks we should turn Hebburn flats into a multi storey car park? It’s a giant eyesore full of scroungers anyway tbf. Votes will be counted at the end of play tomorrow.

21/10/2023

I wonder if the Africans over in the Sahara dessert are brushing South Shields sand off their camels this morning thinking wtf is this stuff 🤔
Hopefuly none of the other South Tyneside debris would have made it across the ocean. Imagine all the wheely bins, trampolines, empty toot packets, baccy pouches, pizza boxes and dirty thongs they would have to dodge.
The only thing they wouldn’t have to worry about is getting slapped in the face with is a wage slip.
58 of you Tyne dock dossers are getting a notice on the door first thing Monday morning.

We take no s**t here at South Tyneside
homes.

Pay up or pack up and p**s off🖕🏻

Have a nice weekend, love from Holly 😘

13/09/2023

Claire Horncastle CONGRATULATIONS 🎉 🎉🎉🎉🎉 What a win!!!!! we will send you the paperwork on Monday. Have fun with your block of flats!!!!!

Hebburn flats it next guys.

Hello everyone. It’s Holly here and I have a fantastic opportunity for one lucky person!

Due to our DSS tenants racking up large amounts of arrears, we have decided to evict them all and bonus ball Jarrow flats.

The whole building will be tastefully decorated with crushed velvet furniture, live laugh love wall murals and B&M bargains ornaments.

Numbers are free and will be drawn on the next lotto once full.

This is an opportunity not to be missed so please be quick choosing your number!

Don’t forget to like and share! Let’s get this drawn before the tenants find out.

Available numbers in comments 👇

24/08/2023

Hello everyone. It’s Holly here and I have a fantastic opportunity for one lucky person!

Due to our DSS tenants racking up large amounts of arrears, we have decided to evict them all and bonus ball Jarrow flats.

The whole building will be tastefully decorated with crushed velvet furniture, live laugh love wall murals and B&M bargains ornaments.

Numbers are free and will be drawn on the next lotto once full.

This is an opportunity not to be missed so please be quick choosing your number!

Don’t forget to like and share! Let’s get this drawn before the tenants find out.

Available numbers in comments 👇

17/08/2023

This is an update for all bidders!

Yesterday alone I received in excess of 20 inbox’s from local people enquiring about new properties.

I don’t usually deal much in the rehoming side of things as I much prefer evicting pensioners but I am willing to bump people up the bands for back handers. there’s a lovely 4 bed detached property coming up for grabs in South Shields. It overlooks the leas and has a lovely sea view. The best backhander offer on my desk by the end of play today gets first dibs.

Thanks huns,
Holly 😘

15/08/2023

This is an apology to anyone who hasn’t had their new kitchen installed yesterday or today. I feel terrible, I’ve literally been up to my ni***es in complaints.

Our fitters, Stuart and Philip didn’t turn in to work on Monday or today and my boss has finally managed to locate them. Judging by the amount of Stella they have just chored from the spar, I’d say they’re not planning on coming in in the morning either.. so if you’re booked in for a kitchen install tomorrow then soz but it’s not happening.

What a pair of divs,
Holly.

12/08/2023

Hi guys. I’d not usually post on a weekend but I’ve had to pop into the office because I left all of my condoms in my drawer and with the toon match been on I’m expecting nothing less than to have my face pressed up against the back of a pub toilet door and my knickers pulled to one side by at least one geordie sausage inserter. Personally I hate football but I love hairy balls so keep em coming. Toon toon. Have a great night everyone and keep your husbands away from me because I’ll be taking no prisoners this evening. Kind regards, Holly the husband gobbler.

10/08/2023

Hello everyone. What a busy day it’s been here at south Tyneside homes. I’m sorry for not replying to everyone’s comments and messages today.

I’ve had a rather rude email from a gentleman asking if I’ve ever been to south Tyneside or even researched the area. I’m a shields girl through and through!

I’m not going to mention any names incase he gets his jaw spun but Just to clarify.

1. I was conceived in a bus stop on ocean road.
2. I was delivered in South Shields hospital.
3. My brother holds the world record for the longest ride on the dodgems without getting hit at shields fair.
4. My great grandma’s baccy tin is clearly on display in shields museum.
5. My granda built marsden rock.

I’ve had enough of divvys for today. Im heading down street soon to kick my height. If you see me face down in the penny fountain outside the town hall covered in kebab at 1am leave me be and mind ya business.
Thanks, Holly 😘

08/08/2023

Hi. Another quick update from Holly. We are bringing fingerprint recognition pads into your local housing offices so any of you old school Tac sprinklers will need to seriously Brillo pad that thumb to gain access. We did attempt to get the face recognition cameras installed but only 70% of faces were being recognised due to people either being too stoned or gurning. Sort your heads out guys, It’s south Tyneside homes, not Roxannes.

08/08/2023

Hello, This is Holly from South Tyneside Homes. This is a quick reach out post to let everyone know that We’ve had a three bed semi detached property come available to rent immediately on the Horsley hill estate.
There are a lot of local amenities and plenty of shops near by at the nook. Just please remember to zip your hand bags up if you do decide to shop there.
Bands 2 and 3 are welcome to bid but we aren’t currently taking on any of the following as we already have a high percentage in the community: smack heads, dumper pickers, herons shoppers, dog thief’s or washing line raiders.
If you have more than three kids and less than five teeth then please move to north Tyneside, it’s just a short ferry journey away. Thank you for reading and Good luck with the bids.