11/07/2024
For anyone who's vaguely interested, here's me irrelevant thoughts on Moto Guzzi V7. WARNING, the ensuing review is for entertainment purposes only, is written by someone wholly unqualified to do so and should not be taken seriously, a bit like CNN, FOX, Sky News and the BBC. In fact this should not be read by anyone, but if you insist please forward any criticism or offence caused to my secretary who is highly efficient at ignoring just about everything.
This experience properly commenced at 6:50am last Sunday 7th when "Thunder Struck" as I hit ignition and a most shocking cockophony erupted from between my legs. This thing is evidently not vocally shy as every neighbour within a 1km radius was violently awakened as I rolled out of my estate leaving my wife to deal with the ensuing complaints. But sacrifices must be made in the pursuit of knowledge as I'm sure you'll agree ;)
Firstly I gotta say it's not really my kinda bike so there's an underlying and unfair prejudice in these rambling ponderings. But I simply don't understand the point of naked, retro bikes in Ireland. Seriously, this thing is about as practical as glossy lipstick on a goats re**um which I hear is a thing in certain circles, namely the inclusive liberal fettish cult. With no wind protection I spent 2 days freezing my t**t off. When it rained the naked rear wheel covered me in more s**te than a party political broadcast. And another thing, with no storage space I've no idea where folks are supposed to put the milk and spuds on the bi-weekly lidls spin.
I did however find it surprisingly comfortable - despite the bladder debilitating foetal riding position, the saddle was probably the nicest place I've parked my delicate posterior in a very long time. It was a custom saddle however and not stock.
Back to impracticalities, she's actually not that easy a bike to ride, it defo does not like low revs at all, around town 1st, 2nd and 3rd gear is kinda annoying. There's a spot at around 2,500 revs in 3rd gear, and 1800-2000revs in 2nd where it really struggles with fueling properly, it's not exactly jumpy, put kinda flaps around confused, is unresponsive and then gives a slight surge of power. For some reason it reminded me of the current US president. I'm thinking it's possibly something to do with meeting the Euro 5 emissions nonsense, a tweaking from a good mechanic might sort it out. But I should mention it's due its 1st 1000km service so the engine is not properly bedded in yet. But still, at one point I hit a tight steep corner in 3rd and she almost stalled where it really shouldn't. Again, it does not like low revs at low speed as it just feels like it wants to vomit and then go asleep. On the flip side it's more than happy at 60km/h in 5th at 2500 revs where the fuel economy was running at aprox 3.6 liters per 100km.
Suspension could be a lot better, on smooth fast sweeping roads it's sweet, but hit ripples or a rough patch on a tight corner it rapidly becomes directionally confused, it can easily catch you out if you're not prepared for it. It's a budget suspension on a heavy bike so poor handling is not really surprising, just disappointing not to be able to push the engine while avoiding unscheduled parking in a tree. If it were me I'd most certainly be investigating in a HyperPro suspension upgrade or something like that which I suspect would transform the bike into a really fun ride. I initially thought it needed a steering dampener, but I afterwards thought that would just mask the underlying problem, i.e. the re****ed suspension.
Despite all that it was by far a long way from a negative experience, once you get her up to 80-100 in 5th/6th the bike is a beauty and I had a massive smile on my face on the R569 to Kenmare via Kilgarvan. It's massive fun on the right road. The V7 doesn't do slow well, it really wants you to get up around 80km/h+ where she sits happily at 3000revs and is without doubt a fantastic place to be on this bike, eh, on a hot summers day on a smooth Italian road. Either way you'd need to have your wits about you on this bike on Irish back roads, suspension is a big weak spot. It's not a backroad blaster and no competitor to, well, any modern bike I could mention. I'd put this in the Harley cruiser category I think, especially as you'll only see one on a dry summer's day. This equates to 4 or 5 times a year in this fecken country, so we're back to the lipsticked goat practically referenced again as I'd have little use for something like this. In my head bikes are for riding in hail, rain or shine. If it's restricted to the garage 95% of the time then it's time to shift it, unless you've some black cash you need to park and hide from the tax office while having something pretty to look at.
Without doubt the bike is oozing with character, typically Italian. And like the younger Italian womens, it's pretty, seductive, makes you work hard for the fun stuff and will throw you off unless you pull out your wallet to buy her a new set of fancy HyperPro suspenders.
Then there's the exhaust note, for such a physically small bike it hits a note like Pavarotti after a session of vodka, amphetamines and ketamine. It reminded me of an old girlfriend I had, like the V7 she was short and really pretty too, but by God when she opened her mouth she could be heard 3km away on the other side of a major building site. It was enormous fun (the bike I mean, the girlfriend not so much). When I rolled through Killarney all stopped to look for what the hell was making all that racket, some in WTF shock, some in awe, some in fear of advancing Russian T84's. But I strongly suspect most were thinking who's the fat old gobs**te on the tiny bike with the obnoxious pipes?
It was an interesting few days, I was left with a craving to try the Stelvio platform of this invigorating and engrossing engine. Cant see myself ever getting the V7 Special though as I was very happy to return it. Partly because I didn't want to spend 6 hours cleaning the mess the wet roads made of it, but mostly because of the cold Irish summer and the whole practicality thing. Yes, I know, sometimes bikes are not supposed to be practical as bonkers is also fun. If I was living back in Spain again, remained an early riser, and hated my neighbours, I might, just might, actually consider one. But on the upside I now know from riding this retro thing what it was like riding bikes in the 1950's - and have been left with a renewed appreciation for modern bikes with heated grips and fairing. Also as I get my jolly's from riding fast on rough one track roads with the optional ability to carry 30kg's of seaweed, so an off-roady suspension suits me best I think. (See earlier post on my GSA's seaweed carrying abilities)
Another big take-away for me was road presence, or complete lack thereof. Despite its indisputable vocal aggressive ability, it has little road presence and I felt more vulnerable than a pretty secretary wearing a short summer frock in the Australian parliament. On either of my giganotosaur GSA's, s**t sees me coming and thinks "I dont need that effing great heavy monstrosity plowing through me", or the bull bar scaffolding ripping off my paint. On the V7 I spent 2 days avoiding getting run over or parked upon. No less than 3 cars pulled out in front of me, one van completely ignored my presence on a round-a-bout and one absolute bell-end overtook me 3 inches from my side mirror as I slowed down to pass a school. Things have obviously changed from when I had smaller bikes, but unlike 10+ years ago I did realise everyone seems to have SUV's these days and I'm wondering if that's part of current cager road manners where they treat smaller vehicles with utter contempt, and/or, ignore with impunity. Maybe it was just a multitude of coincidences, I dont know. But I'll not be getting on a small bike again anytime soon, when dealing with suburban housewives in SUV's I suspect size matters. Viva Italia, you lads are legends..
The End
