WOAP COMING SOON... Abandoned Petone
💕 FOR THE PEOPLE 💕
Introducing the newest employee of Abandoned Brewery, caught here doing his usual afternoon calisthenics workout in the capital. Taking advantage of the sun and the perpetual central city scaffolding, John can be seen preparing for another big weekend hauling kegs.
In a stroke of pure genius in his first few days with us, he's already contributed to our creative direction. Here you can hear him yelling Abandoned Brewery's newest tagline between reps, truly inspired!
Abandoned Brewery, FOR THE F%&KING PEOPLE!!!!!
☠ OUR VAN HAS BEEN STOLEN ☠️
Abandoned Brewery, your favourite neighborhood brewery, has once again been struck down by no-good lowlifes. We've started off the year right following on from the 50-odd kegs last year we've been hit again and our mildly dilapidated white Hiace has been stolen... In this current economic climate, this truly is a kick while we're down.
Please keep an eye out for a rusted-out early 2000s Hiace with distinctive green stripes on the sides, plenty of rust, faint lettering "locksmith" which at one point someone humorously changed to "cocksmith" on the back, approximately 400,000+ km done and one singular roof rack on the back. Last seen driving north on State Highway 1.
To combat the huge financial hit we've set up a wildly ambitious Givealittle page in the hope some reclusive billionaire will come across it and not only donate to buy another van but a whole new brewery! If that doesn't happen we've made it so that even if we don't reach the goal we still get paid out. So if this gets no traction at all and we only raise $20 we can still put that towards a rusty new replacement!
https://givealittle.co.nz/cause/help-abandoned-brewery-get-a-new-sh*tty-delivery
Check out the link for more info and pass this on to all your loaded mates!
NEVER SAY DIE
🍄 FOOL ME ONCE 🍄
Look we already warned you these outdoor seats are not only extremely uncomfortable for extended periods of time but ALSO extremely dangerous if you do not follow basic See-Saw Physics!! There will be no third warning, if anyone flips one of these benches again everyone's seating privileges will be taken away and EVERYONE will be forced to stand from that point onwards!!?!
Also we're open all weekend and we have beer and food etc just google it or come down and try your luck, cheers. ☠
☠ ATTENTION JOBLESS PEOPLE ☠
Abandoned Brewery is looking to expand our team! We're looking for a part-time delivery driver to drop kegs and other contraband around the greater Wellington region. With the possibility of extending your hours closer to the full-time mark by picking up a couple of bar shifts, or not if you don't want to that's cool too we mostly just need a driver a few days a week.
WHAT YOU NEED;
🎰 Some kind of driver's license.
🎰 Be able to lift heavy stuff.
🎰 A passion for early 2000s Toyota Hiace Vans.
🎰 All other qualities negotiable.
WHAT WE CAN OFFER;
💊 Early 2000s Toyota Hiace Vans.
💊 Heavy Things to be lifted and transported.
💊 Money.
💊 Beer.
If this sounds like you flick an email to [email protected].
🍄 STUNNING 🍄
I know we posted a while ago saying we're taking a big break over the Christmas/New Year period because we respect our staff and ourselves and we all need a break blah blah blah... This however doesn't extend to ANY public holidays!!! We can assure you our staff will be worked to the bone to give you all somewhere to go on your day off.
So that means Waitangi day we're open 12pm until Tom drops dead from exhaustion.
Come down and ridicule him while you all put your feet up and enjoy a well-deserved break. 💀
Abandoned Brewery has cracked the hospitality labour shortage and we can't believe we're the first ones to think of this!
Did you know if you get children cleaning glassware and clearing tables, you don't need to pay them!?! All the benefits of actual employees without the worst part about actual employees, the wage cost!
From now on at the Abandoned Brewery Taproom don't be surprised to see an army of unpaid child labour helping on the busier shifts. If we can just ask the public; please do not feed or communicate with them. Just pretend they aren't there and let them get on with their work.
Abandoned Brewery forever the innovators ☠️
We’ve just dropped a stack of cash on a Meta-approved social media marketing agency based out of Mumbai to do a 720-degree review of our posts.
Apparently, our content has really missed the mark... The agency has told us the people want, more beards, hops, whirlpools, brewing vlogs and the occasional fresh hop shower.
Here’s a video of Charlotte expressing how we feel.
Taproom is open all weekend, google for anything more specific.
Cellar door too, I don’t know what beers are on but they all taste real good.
Never Say Die Mark Zuckerburg!
☠️
🎰 LONG WEEKEND BE SAFE AND WERE OPEN MONDAY 🎰
PLEASE DONT SIT ON THE EDGE OF THESE BENCHES WITHOUT A COUNTERBALANCE!!! Ideally this will result in zero decapitations and or other bench-flipping-related injuries. ong weekend we also want everyone to stay safe all the time even on regular weekends and also regular weekdays and if you don't get weekends we also want you to be safe in your never ending cycle of work without weekends weekend weekend weekends weekend weekend.
PLEASE DONT SIT ON THE EDGE OF THESE BENCHES WITHOUT A COUNTERBALANCE!!! Ideally this will result in zero decapitations and or other bench flipping related injuries.
We're going to be open the entire time this as usual on the regular weekend days AND MONDAY 12-6 !!! ☠️
Just a few updates for the long weekend here gang;
We’ve got a private function taking over 6pm at our Taproom on Saturday. That means 6 O’clock swill for anyone not lucky enough to make the guest list 🎰
That’s the bad news but the GOOD NEWS IS, we’re open for the Queens death celebratory day off or whatever it’s called! So come down from 12pm Monday to celebrate/drown your sorrows depending on your perspective on the whole thing…
Thanks for reading ☠️
FATHERS DAY SUNDAY
Stuck for ideas on what to get ya old man for Fathers Day. We’ve got plenty of merch out at the taproom, why not buy him some so he can look this f**king cool! And as a bonus next time we go see him walking around town we’ll take a creepy video of him too…
Or get the whole family comes down to the Taproom, have a feed of The Karaage Kid and a beer. Then confiscate ya Dads keys and let him have a couple more than usual, responsibly of course. ☠️
We’ve got something real real exciting coming on the horizon for you guys, an Abandoned Brewery FIRST even!
Just you f**king wait ☠️
But in the meantime head into the Porirua Taproom hours BELOW 🎰
THURSDAY 4-8
FRIDAY 12-LATE
SATURDAY 12-LATE
SUNDAY 12-7
Of course The Karaage Kid will be there serving up all that Japanese fried chicken goodness as well, head down and get ya fix 💉
