01/23/2025
Flying tips from me to you!
Any other rules we should add?
1. Seat Adjustments: Recline your seat SLOWLY. I’ve had my head and knees slammed so hard I unlocked new chapters of trauma. 🤬
2. Please, no clapping. The pilot didn’t just land on Mars.
3. If you must stand and grab the seat in front of you, make sure it isn’t also holding someone’s hair hostage.😭
4. Standing up the second we land doesn’t summon the jet bridge faster. Please embrace your fate.
5. Solo Flyers: If you’re flying solo, always pick the aisle or window. Middle seats are for last-minute bookings, bad decisions, or your enemies.
6. If you must stand in the aisle, keep your butt-to-face proximity respectful. We don’t need that level of intimacy. 🍑
7. Don’t be the knee-bouncer against the seat in front of you. Unless you like throat punches
8. Extracurricular items in carry-on 🍆 may get flagged in security. If you bring it, just know TSA might too.
9. Deodorant, Please for the love of god… and do we need to discuss burps and farts? 🤮😷
10. Middle Seat Rule: Middle seat passengers are royalty—they get both armrests. No arguments.
11. Bare Feet: Nobody wants to see your hairy hobbit foot poking through their armrest. Keep them caged. 🦶
12. Armrest Boundaries: Don’t lift someone else’s armrest. That’s not a shared space; it’s a barrier between civility and chaos.
13.Vaping: Yes, the “No Smoking” signs include va**ng. To whoever needs this reminder: I see you. 🫣
14. Blankets & Socks: Bring your own cozy gear because planes are colder than your ex’s heart.
15. I’m happy you’re excited to vacation but we don’t want to hear your travel chant songs on repeat - please and thank you
16: Secure backpack on both arms- I personally like being conscious after you walk by with your big ass bag
Follow these rules, and maybe we’ll all make it to our destination without declaring war at 30,000 feet.
