12/03/2024
A few days ago, while talking to one of my college-aged daughters, I mentioned how excited I was to decorate the house as a family. "I'm glad we can keep that tradition going!" I said cheerily.
"Yeah, me too. Do you think we'll be done by 1, because my friends are going to meet up for lunch, and then I wanted to go shopping with G,, and then someone is hosting a party that night."
"Sure, whatever," I said. I was tired from a long week, but I was also a little hurt. I knew my daughter would want to spend time with her friends--many she hadn't seen since summer--but her words still stung a little bit.
The rest of our conversation felt a little terse and uncomfortable. I tried my best, and I'm not even sure if she noticed, but I was ready to get off the phone.
I knew this was coming, my desire to spend time with her and her desire to see her people, but it still hurt. And I've been carrying it with me this entire week. I've felt a little snappish, a little anxious, a little annoyed with everyone and everything.
Yesterday, as I took my morning walk and listened to a book (Build the Life You Want, the Power of Metacognition by Arthur Brooks with commentary by Oprah), I heard a line that (literally) stopped me in my tracks.
"Feel the feel, then take the wheel." It's nothing new, and I talk about it all the time. Our emotions are signals that something is going on, and it's our job to respond to them appropriately, but this is often harder than it sounds. And sometimes, no matter how hard I work, I forget.
The truth was, I was feeling ALL the feels, but I had been sitting with them, turning them over and over, letting them simmer like a chili that was going to be over the top spicy and may explode up onto the ceiling.
I didn't want that. When my kids come home, I want to enjoy every second I have with them.
I needed to feel the feel, then take the wheel.
So, I finished my walk, headed down to the basement, and started pulling out all my holiday decorations. I put the trinkets throughout the house and hung up some bows. I switched out my wreaths. I put up my Christmas tree and turned on the lights. And then, I set out all the ornament boxes on the dining room table ready for my three daughters' arrival later this week.
The truth is, they don't usually help with ALL the decorating ever. We typically do the tree together, and even then, they start to fade out at the end. I created a false narrative in my head because I wanted them to be home and enjoy what I wanted to do. Parenting doesn't always work like that.
Now, they'll walk in and see all their favorites, and we can tackle the best part together, and then my kids can do some things that are just for them--as it should be.
I texted my daughter late last night, saying, "The house is ready for you to come home, and the tree is ready to decorate!"
She responded: "OMG, I can't wait to come home!"
Which is all we really want to hear as parents.
Last night, I sat with a cup of cocoa and looked up at Mrs. Clause, who is almost as old as I am. She sat on my Mom's mantle for so long watching me come and go, and now she sits eyeiing my life with teens. I hope she's proud.
Feel the feel with your teens and young adults this holiday season. Then take the wheel and put your energy into creating moments you can enjoy instead of stewing about how things have changed.
This is how we love hard.
xoxo,
Cedarwood Lodge - Where Nice Matters!
