08/18/2023
A few days ago, I had cause to go to a funeral for one of my cousins here in NYC. I found the time to drive to Bklyn to attend the funeral service having spent an hour in traffic and another half hour to find a parking spot in busy Bklyn . During said service I wondered why I couldn’t find the time to spend a few minutes with him during the several months that he was at the hospital losing one leg then another, asking to be given oxygen as he was short of breath, asking for water when he was thirsty and he was ignored by the attendants. Here I was at the service offering my condolences to the immediate family. My point here is that we seem to be able to find the time to be at the funeral when we can’t do a thing for the deceased but can’t seem to prioritize time when we can contribute some meaningful time to the final moments of the person’s life.
I’m guilty as were most of the hundreds of people who were in attendance at the service. What do we contribute to the person’s life at that point? I dare say that a few minutes at the bedside when he was alive would have been worth the two hours to him than my listening to the pastor drone on about how great a person he was, a person who he never met, a person who hadn’t set foot in a church for decades. My point is that we should be there for the people who are close to us while they can appreciate it instead of making meaningless gestures at the end of their lives. It is well understood that when one is in a hospital bed, you get more attention and service from the staff when the patient is always surrounded by visitors and well wishers.
I’m not saying that we should not support the family at the service but that we should give priority to the comfort of the person when they can appreciate it.
I felt guilty during and after the service. I promised myself that I will do better as much as I can as long as I can.
