11/26/2024
I’ve been told all my life that I can be a lot. I was told that just this week. Heck, I get on my own nerves sometimes. I can be clumsy, emotional, needy, messy, and easily distracted. Because I know I can be a lot, I often feel like a disappointment to God. But tonight, He reminded me, that, while I may be a lot for others, I’m not a lot for Him. While I may not be enough for myself sometimes, I’m always enough for Him. Because He doesn’t need me, He wants me.
My whole life I’ve had a narrative of what my spiritual walk was suppose to look like. The typical morning quiet time and night time prayer,
with some other Christian things sprinkled in. I’ve always felt if I didn’t do those things, I was annoying or letting God down.
But this weekend, in the quiet of my flight home, that narrative switched. While I was gone, I didn’t do some of those check list things like reading my Bible and journaling in prayer each night. But that didn’t get on God’s nerves or make Him mad.
At the start of my plane ride home, I was feeling guilty for not spending more time with Him while I had more time to spend. But, He quietly reminded me that a relationship with Him isn’t about doing everything just so, just because someone years ago told me that’s what a dutiful Christian does.
While I didn’t read my Bible while I was gone, it didn’t mean I didn’t abide in Him. I was in a continued state of thankfulness for my ability to overcome fears and spend time with my daughter. I was blessed by Him as I spent time with and was shown love by an old friend. I was vividly aware and in awe of the beautiful things He has created. I was impressed by the abilities of the extraordinary people He has spoken into existence.
He doesn’t need me to do more, He is just fine with me worshiping Him in my own chaotic way. He’s fine with me binging my Bible for hours one day and then abiding in those truths for the next few days. He’s okay with me journaling like a mad woman in prayer some days and just sitting in His love other days. He reminded me that it is a beautiful thing that we are all wired differently and that means our relationships with Him will be both individualized and personal.
So, friend, let go of what you have been told and how you think you should commune with God. Instead, let him meet you where you. Bring your real true self to the table, just as you are.
It is a freeing feeling knowing that God wants us, even though he doesn’t need us. He wants us to bring our worship, guilt free, to Him, no matter what it looks like in this season. We aren’t a lot for God…and we don’t get on his nerves.
