01/04/2015
SPOILERS BELOW!!!!! Do NOT proceed if you have not read Devout!!! Q&A below!! You will ruin your experience! Do not read if you have not completed the book :)
1. Denny, Seems like you’ve never loved anyone as much as you loved Neeka, has another woman ever come close…? And if so, what broke you up or why didn’t you pursue the relationship?
I’ve lived my entire thirty odd years knowing that I didn’t operate as what most would consider the norm. Me being as what many would say is a loose cannon, made me a natural at some things and unnatural at others. Being in the streets, I guess my lack of emotion, lack of fear of any other person and at one point, even lack of fear of death itself, gave me an edge to rise to power. But love, that was unnatural. So even if I have come across a woman, and I’m very familiar with a variety of women if you know what I mean… I never gave one the opportunity to know me or for me to have any interest in knowing them past the surface to allow anyone to permeate my thoughts like that. And I’m quite sure there were some great women with potential but I didn’t see them as more than an ends to a need. Neeka knocked down a wall and ventured into unknown territory. She left footprints like Neil Armstrong on the moon and s**t. No one had come before her and I doubt I’d ever let anyone venture that deep into where she’s been again. Her being that deep in me… that was my first brush with fear honestly.
2. Neeka, why didn’t you go with Denny when your father gave you the first ultimatum? I know you wanted a family, but doesn’t seem like your dad wanted you or he would have never left you.
I’m sure you have a mother or a father or some family that raised you. Can you honestly say that you would turn your back, be prepared to leave the only family you know for someone you’ve known for merely months? I mean, of course I loved Denny… I even was sure Denny loved me, although I really didn’t know. I was so young and all of that was so new. But coming from true abandonment, cold, hunger, fear, living on the streets. Not sure if you ever had to deal with that but I watched my mother cry while she thought I was asleep on the park bench, a pile of leaves as my pillow because she didn’t know where the next meal was going to come from to feed her baby. I never wanted to feel that again. I never wanted to lose security, even more than family. I had a warm house, a bed, and a future. The thought of losing that terrified me. And even though I felt in my gut Denny would not abandon me, still…I never was a dumb girl. I knew people changed and I just couldn’t take that leap right then, not put on the spot like that.
3. Takerra, Denny fell in love so quickly, deeply, and kinda insanely with Neeka. Do you believe that there are guys out there like D-Rock who can be so in love with a woman, so quickly and give them their all?
Absolutely. Because it’s all about perception and circumstance. The way the story is told you perceive Denny being so in love with Neeka so irrationally, so madly, and would do anything for her almost out of nowhere. And while that may be true, the huge circumstances behind that is that for one, Denny had never encountered that type of love before. When he saw Neeka, met her, got to know her, it was as if piece by piece she was fulfilling the image of let’s say, some sort of dream girl to him. So then he allows his wall to come down and she doesn’t disappoint him. She does the opposite and she lures him in. He becomes more intrigued and fascinated with her. But then he has this illness, so we cannot compare his actions to men who are mentally stable. So the emotions that she creates within him, he has become addicted to and with his addictive personality, he becomes obsessed with maintaining that feeling. All of his life he’s been trying this drug and that trick to feel “normal” and here comes this girl and for once, he’s not a monster. He feels happiness, joy, love, things that we feel all the time but take for granted. But he has gone his whole life without the depth of these feelings and with his mind works, he has to do anything to keep that, to control that, to hold on to that. So he will do anything to keep her happy, to keep her there. There are absolutely men out there like that but there are most likely circumstances that make them the way that they are. Whether it’s a good or bad thing is all on the perception of the woman they encounter. Some women may love all of that passion and some may fear it.
Denny, knock it off. I did not say you didn’t really love Neeka. I was just telling them... Look, you had your question… that was my question. Did I call you crazy? I never said crazy… No, I never said I was a psychiatrist I’m just speaking on what I’ve witnessed since I’ve been telling your story, you know what… Anyway, yes, that’s my answer. Sorry about that!
4. Takerra Devout was a wild ride. What was your motivation to write Neeka and Denny’s story?
I was actually working on a completely different book. I was 200 pages into a very “simple” love story and then I had this dream. I woke up the next morning and I texted Sandra (my co-publisher and business partner in all of this) and I said, “girlllllll, I just had a dream I got attacked by this girl and I had a daughter, but it wasn’t my daughter. And the girl was hitting me in my head and then I called my boyfriend, but it wasn’t my husband it was this other guy and he was like crazy… like off the wall and he was out of town and he came back into town and I can’t explain it but we just had all of this crazy, passionate love between us and I just gotta write it down. But I promise I’m not gonna start a new book I’m just gonna take some notes because it’s a feeling I can’t describe and I just gotta get it outta me...” So then I wrote the opening of the book and I couldn’t stop. They just came and started talking to me and I became OBSESSED. I was right there in the obsession with them. I’d be driving, eating, sleeping, and these two would not stop talking to me. I had notes all in my phone of the craziest things like “safe combination” and “calls out Daddy and both turn”. It was madness, pure madness.
5. Takerra – What made you introduce the mental illness element into the story?
This kind of just came to me out of nowhere. I was standing in the kitchen one day, had already started the book so I did not know Denny was mentally ill when I started by the way. But yeah, I’m standing there and I go… you know, all of these girls really love these crazy gangstas that kill people and hustle and beat people and their just crazy and girls just love them but what if… what if they were really crazy? Then I said, I should write a book one day about somebody that’s really crazy, like with some real issues. Then I said, wait… I should make Denny really crazy. Then I said, oh my god. Of course it makes sense. It was like when I said it, the puzzle in me got solved. I couldn’t put into words the feeling in my chest that I got when I thought of Neeka and Denny and I was trying so hard. It was more than love and it was coming out like so typical. This wasn’t Ree and Tatum or Trent and Vickie. It was passionate, too passionate, like danger. So when it came to me it was like the clouds opened. Like yes! That’s it! That’s what’s wrong with him! That’s what’s right about this story! Then I said, they’re either gonna dig it or hate it. I told Dee-Dee (Sandra) I really need you to read this whole book especially the end and tell me if I went too far. I said I think I may have gone too out the box with this one. Once they get to the end it ruins his possibilities for dream guy. But it’ll make one hell of a story. :)
6. Denny, would you have told Neeka about your illness, were you relieved your mother did it for you?
Honestly, if my moms wouldn’t have told Neek I don’t know if I ever would have. I don’t know, maybe it would have come up in conversation one day in our rocking chairs or some s**t. But nah, we wouldn’t have made it to then. I wasn’t maintaining it very well on my own, Neeka helped a lot with that. I had told myself throughout the months of us being together before she knew, that if she could deal with Denny and deal with D Rock, loved them both, saw the good, bad, and ugly and still loved a n***a, then there was nothing to tell because she was already okay with me. Who cares where my behavior stemmed from, as long as she was straight with it, then so be it. But the day… with the test and all of that… when I snapped at her. Yeah, I knew she had to know. Moms insisted on it, she said… Denny, love, does she know? Does she know what you say things like that sometimes? So then she was like you have to tell her. So yeah, I was sort of relieved but then, back was that sick ass feeling of fear.
7. Neeka – you were living as man and wife and using his 2nd name, wearing his ring etc. What difference would getting married have made? Were you really stalling like April suggested?
I thought April Fu***ng Winters was crazy. Of course I was living as his wife, using his name, wearing his ring, man I was happy to belong to Denny. I wanted…want…still want nothing more than to belong to Denny. I’m young but I’m not naïve enough to think men like Denny come a dime a dozen. I love him with everything in me. But I guess when he left and I allowed myself to really think about it, I guess I was kinda stalling. It was the last hoorah. The last bit of control I had. Denny controlled everything; it was the only thing I still had to hold onto it. And maybe if he didn’t make such a big thing about it, “Marry me… Marry me, Neek” then maybe I wouldn’t have been so scared. But when he left I was 23 years old. I know y’all know how young that is. I kinda felt like everything had moved so fast before that, moving in with him, then finding out his illness, then months later I’m still a mom and not even 20. None of those things I really decided to do on my own. There were so many circumstances, ultimatums. Nothing about our process was natural. Marrying on my own terms was my last ounce of myself I was holding onto, a decision finally for me to make with no pressure. I really did want my father’s blessing by the way. That would have made me feel like I wasn’t making a mistake. Because deep down inside, I always wondered if I was making a mistake, staying with him after finding this out. But I loved, love… love him. The fact that he let me wait on my father was like finally, something Denny didn’t control. So yeah, maybe I milked it a little.
8. Takerra – was there any particular inspiration for this book?
See question 4 my love. :) but overall, I just had to write about this love.
9. Because Denny’s psychological problem is hereditary, do you think that he will get better with the help he’s getting?
Well, I’m no doctor but I will say that I think he will get better at managing his problem. It can’t be cured or Denny can’t be “fixed” but I do believe he can learn how to manage his condition better. I also believe that since he has a new motivation, a family to fight for so to speak, that will motivate him to really give all forms of therapy 100%.
10. Takerra have you ever experienced someone being really crazy and deranged, crazy in love with you? (Sometimes writers write about things they experienced in life)
LOL I have experienced different levels of love and different levels of crazy. Unfortunately and fortunately for me my intense crazy experiences did not stem from love and my intense love did not involve crazy (too much ;) )
11. Do you think Neeka can live and function without Denny being around?
I think it’s going to be hard but I think she has no choice. That’s how life works. You just have to keep going. She’s doing a good job though.
12. D Rock, when did you feel the most vulnerable when it came to Neeka and why?
Honestly, I think anytime I’m with Neek I’m vulnerable and that’s because I’m aware of the potential, of her potential. But it also feels incredible, and it takes an immense amount of trust to be in something where you know one person has the power to fu***ng destroy you if they wanted to. But the most vulnerable… I’d have to say after moms told her about, you know. I felt like that was it. The veil was lifted, it was the real me and if she didn’t still love that n***a, then I didn’t know what I would do. I was naked standing there waiting to see if she would leave.
13. Neeka, what qualities would you like to see in D Rock that would connote a successful relationship?
I think Denny possesses all of the qualities that makes a relationship successful. He’s loving, caring, attentive, trustworthy, dependable. I didn’t leave him, he left me. And while I understand why, it wasn’t anything that I was saying “this has to change in order for us to be together”. His disease cannot change. He can work on managing it better but it’s not really a quality, it’s him. So it’s just a matter of whether I can live with it or not. I was doing just fine but I guess Denny thought otherwise, and I know somewhere inside it was for the best.
14. Takerra what made you tackle the subject of mental health?
See question 5 luv. :) I wish I could say I felt it was important to bring awareness to it or something cool like that. Now I do see it is important. But it just kinda came.
15. Takerra, was Denny’s condition inspired by a real person?
No, not at all luv. Not to my knowledge lol. Just products of my dreams and imagination.
16. To D Rock, what happened to Celeste?
No disrespect sweetheart but you mean to tell me y’all done read 300 some odd pages on a n***a and still don’t know why I can’t and won’t answer that question? I have no idea what happened to her. Truthfully, I don’t even know the bitch. But thank you for reaching out to a n***a, love.
17. Neeka, what made you stay with Denny after finding out his illness and did you ever think about leaving?
Ooh, I loved Denny from the depth of my soul. I still love him like that. To feel something so powerful for someone, to have them feel that for you. It’s indescribable. There was no way then or ever I could have put one foot in front of the other and walked away from feeling that secure, and needed, and loved, and cherished. Of course there were those moments, in the climax of his madness where I would say to myself, and sometimes aloud, I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take this. But one look, one touch, him whispering in my ear, wrapping me in his arms, and I knew it was where I wanted to be forever.
18. Neeka, the only thing missing was the document and vow taking… you lived as man and wife and had a kid…so then if deep down inside you were afraid to be tied to Deny in marriage, why were you with him at all, tied to him as much as you were?
I guess a lot of people felt that way. I think I explained it best in question 7. But like I said, I didn’t mind being tied to Denny but I guess it was just my last bit of me I was holding on to. My last card I was holding.
19. Denny what did you really do to Celeste? Where is she?
Jemeka? That’s your name right? I like that. Very nice name, love. We can go to the next question.
20. Takerra how did you come up with this storyline, what made you write about this type of love madness?
It was a feeling. A passion, something like powerful and burning in me that I kind of became obsessed with putting into words. As I stated earlier, once the full story came to me it was like the answer.
21. Denny, if you could break out of that place you’re in for 24 hours to be with Neeki, where would you take her and why?
Mm. Well first, let me point out that technically I signed myself in here, I can leave willingly when I want, but I’m sticking it out, doing what I feel is best. But let’s just say, if there weren’t these circumstances, where I felt keeping my distance from Neek was best for her then next stop would most likely be Johannesburg or Cape Town, South Africa. First on her list of destinations although she claims there's no rank and I’d been saving it as my wild card, and the only other place that takes 16 hours to fly to. I knew once Ty bitch ass let her know the fight time she knew it was either there or Fiji. But she’d seen some royal African wedding once on television in Johannesburg and she talked about that s**t for weeks. I know that’s where she’d like to get married. So we’d go there, I’d set everything up the way I know she’d like it, then maybe she’d walk down the aisle for a n***a. :)
22. What was the most memorable thing about Denny, Neeki? Not his appearance but him, himself…
I would never say his appearance, although damn riveting, was his most memorable quality. For me, it’s the feeling Denny creates in the space he enters. Whether me or Ty or anyone he holds close, there is an instant sense of security that takes me and I’m sure all of us over. Denny brings the answer to me, I feel full, I feel complete, I feel worry-free. Have you ever not had a care in the world? Even if for a second? Well, that’s how I feel when Denny’s around. Without him, I feel too raw, like life can knock me over with a feather. With Denny, I felt blanketed with love. I’m gonna fu***ng cry again.
23. Neeki, the love you two share, I don’t think you can ever turn it off. Denny finishes his inpatient program and is out and is on different medications. Neeki, if your father still hasn’t come around then and he asked you to marry him right here would you? Yes or no…
Neeka needs a minute, guys… You alright? Okay, here she goes…
My father will never come around. That was one thing April was right about, amongst others. Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t know! You can ask me this on a Monday and I’ll be strong enough to say we still would need time. For the sake of Milania’s safety, never mind my own, I would need to be assured the risks weren’t too great. Like I said, who wants to take the 1% chance that someone could snap and harm you and your child? But then again, you can ask me on a Tuesday, around 10 or 11 at night when Lani is asleep and my bed is cold. When lonely blankets me and my tears are my only solace. And I would say in a heartbeat. Hell yes.
24. D Rock. Will you ever leave the GAME and go legit? Or is it more of a power trip for you? Seeing as though you have accumulated wealth and a longevity in the game. Can you really keep going at this point? What is the incentive?
I’m legit. I own legit businesses, I make straight money. I make dirty money, too. That’s just me. That’s just life. No one is all good or all evil. I could never be all square. I’ll always be a street n***a. Even if I ever get to the point where all money is legal, something somewhere will be crooked. I just know the way the system is set up, ain’t no way to maximize following the rules 100% of the time. It’s never been an incentive to be in the streets for me. It was natural. It was where I could crack n***as skulls and run an organization at the same time. I could employ people, build businesses, and get a s**tload of money to where my family would never have to want for nothing. I’m sure Barack wake up some days wanting to give it up but it’s people relying on him to keep s**t going. I don’t know, maybe one day. But I’ll never be all Denny. No matter what I’m doing, I’ll always be D Rock.
25. Neeka… Do you feel like with all that happened you should have listened to your actual daddy? If so how do you think your life would be different?
No. Spending time with myself away from Denny left me with a lot of time to reflect. I know I couldn’t answer a question similar in April’s office but now that I think about it, I would never do it differently. Being with Denny and making Milania were the best days of my life. And even if there are no more like them ahead, I’m sure no other days will pale to them. People spend their entire lives looking for that life I lived in those years. We traveled, we made love, we touched happiness with our bare hands. I wouldn’t replace it. I made it out alive so it was worth it.
26. Takerra was this an autobiography? Why the taboo topic of mental illness? What motivates you and what are your writing rituals?
Okay :) Yes technically this is 4 questions in one lol but I love you luvs. Especially since 2 of them I believe were answered previously which no, there’s no truth to this story and how the mental illness topic came to me I explained. Damn I wish that answer was cooler!
What motivates me? Hmm… the readers and life. Most of the time something in life happens. I’ll have a dream, hear a song, or just will get a feeling like I need to write. Then the book comes then I’m talking with the readers. Then they’re, well, you’re, giving me energy and I’m feeding off of it and before I know it, I’m back to writing again. Lol I don’t really have rituals. I just don’t think too much. I take notes all over the place sometimes and sometimes I don’t write a single thing down. Most of the time I type away and about halfway I try to outline the ending. But really, I just write. Each story was written uniquely, all from the heart though. That’s my ritual. Write from the heart :)
27. Will Devout be a standalone or will Denny and Neeki be giving us another book?
I don’t know. Lol. I really don’t know. I will be honest. The most exhausting thing I’ve ever written was Restricted, TOO. It kinda scarred me with the whole sequel thing. I promised it in advance so I was forced to deliver. On the contrary, Still Thicker and TTW3 were easy. I just knew their story needed to go on. So whenever I get that feeling, whether with V or Devout or anything, then it will go on. But if I don’t get that feeling, like oh my god I’m going to bust if I don’t get this out, I won’t just write it to write it because I know the readers will buy it. I won’t put out no half-assed s**t to you guys like that. It will be from the heart but I don’t want to commit to anything until I know I can deliver completion.
28. Will you consider making this a movie like you’re doing with Heaven’s Hell?
I would love to make all of my books movies but I highly doubt I will. Sandra and I spent our own money and funded the entire film. I wrote the screenplay, she produced, I directed, and the process was great, the movie is coming out great, but as we are in the editing process we see it is A LOT of work and money. And time!! We missed the hell out of our kids! LOL So I loved it, would love to go into movies further but for now, we are in no rush to do another movie right away lol Unless Spike or Tyler or somebody wanna pick it up or help us out with something lol
29. Denny, despite loving Neek endlessly, I noticed you never once cried for her, only expressing sad eyes and facial expressions but never cried. Why??
I love this question! Okay, that was Takerra. Denny?
It’s crazy because I can’t answer this. First month in treatment they asked this. Do I ever cry, yell, hit things. I laughed my ass off. Yeah, I hit things, I yell like a mothaf**ka. Cry… can’t recall. Felt like it a lot. Wished I could, then maybe I could cry out the pain. But the tears don’t really come all the way. Not even when my dad killed himself. I don’t think I cried. One of the docs say if I let it out they think it’ll be the ultimate therapy. If I can learn to cry that’s another way to control my emotions instead of turning them into anger. Working on that, love. But don’t think for a minute it means I love her any less. I seen punk n***as cry for people they ain’t really seem to give a s**t about. Cry for ‘em then turn around and s**t on ‘em again. I’d do anything for Neeka. If she asked me to cut my arm off, I’d do it. If she told me she wanted me to cry, that may be the day I do it.
30. Neeka, would you ever try to look for your mom?
Before Daddy left, Denny I mean, I would have said no. I thought I had all I needed in him. But now I see that is something I need too. Some type of closure so yeah. Maybe one day. I’m a little scared of what I’d find right now. What if I’m wrong? What if she doesn’t want me? I can’t deal with any more rejection right about now.
31. Denny, now that you’re getting help for yourself, do you think Neeka needs a little bit too or is her getting space to grow all she needs?
Girl’s perfect to me. In my eyes… perfection. But the way they’ve been helping me, I don’t think it could hurt. The doc, April, she seems to think Neeka needs some help. She said Neeka is just as obsessed/addicted as I am. Says she got issues with her family and all of that. I thought I could fill that void for her, be everything she needed. But maybe she needs more.
32. Why did Denny get the second tear drop on his face for Neeka, as if he permanently lost her forever like he lost his father?
I’ll take this. D Rock here. Neek’s wrong, although she’s on the right track. Teardrop was not for her. It was for me. For the person I was when I was with her. He’s gone. Now maybe a man similar, better, can evolve from that but it’d never be the same. I’d never be the same. Too much s**t has happened. The tear mourns the oblivion. The perfect happy oblivion we lived in.
33. Is the Isley Brothers one of your favs or musical inspiration? Because of the two songs that were in the book after I finished I needed musical therapy so I listened to some of the Isley’s ballads. Is it just me because I’m completely obsessed with this book or is there some correlation?
Yes the Isley’s are one my favorite bands. I love music as well and every book has a bit of a soundtrack. TTW3 I listened to a lot of Otis Redding. Restricted TOO was Aretha and Jhene Aiko. The Lonely Pole I went music crazy but with the theme, music was like another character. With this book, the Isley’s were what captured that smooth, sexy longing melancholy love.
34. What is Bri and Ty up to? I can’t stand Monie’s ass.
So you guys are team side chick huh? LOL Ty loves Monie, like he said, he ain’t leaving that girl. Well, as far as I know lol for now. Bri is good, she’s handling her business. Maybe you’ll be updated with them again in the future.
I just want to thank all of you for your amazing questions and for supporting and loving this story. You guys are the best! You have no idea how grateful I am for each one of you!
