12/03/2023
Be a lifeguard to you pals, not a meme forwarder. While I love the sentiment and intent behind of all these "My phone is on, door open, drink with you if you're blue.." that my male friends are forwarding around I have a bit a PSA for you:
I lost my friend Scott Ellis to su***de not too long ago. I can tell you they don't call, they don't call you back, they don't drive to your house to drink with you. They typically don't DO anything.
To me it's analogous to how real drownings occur, they don't usually thrash or scream, they just slip under. They've already been struggling, swimming for their lives but their bodies underwater, just out of our site for who knows how long. They don't scream for help. They're 100% exhausted and completely out of breath, at the end of the hardest sprint ever, absolutely nothing left. Even they don't understand how quickly they got to this point, how quickly they got so tired and now can't physically get ones attention. Gasping for air, just the nose and lips above water, the slightest hesitation or lapse in max effort they slip under forever. One depressed person's lapse in judgement and their gone. There's no unringing of the pull of a trigger.
You need to be the Lifeguard who saw that swimmer struggling long before they went under. Lifeguard knows what clues to look for and more importantly willing to risk getting off their perch and jump into cold waters to help a random human let alone a friend.
Educate yourself on su***de of all types but if we're on the "buddy" subject, male su***des. That single 40-50 something dude you know? Well turns out he's at super high risk. There's lots of risk factors, I encourage you to take a look.
I have the painful reality of hindsight of a friends su***de that very likely could have been prevented. It boils down to noticing change. Scott's was riddled with signs in hindsight but as a non-depressed, logically thinking person we don't really consider su***de an actual reality, especially for "strong dudes" like Scott.
Notice changes with your friends. Educate yourself, be that lifeguard that knows more about men's su***de than the average public, be that sentinel. Ready to risk your safety and jump into cold water. Take real action in the form of getting off YOUR ass, driving to YOUR pals house and having the courage to take the drink OUT of his hand. Quiet compassion of just noticing emotional changes or challenges your friend might be going through. If you look you'll see it, take action.
Scott, for you I am that lifeguard to my friends. I now take all those clues you taught me very seriously. I pledge to forever watch my friends, family and coworkers with intent. Despite people's huge network of friends I may be the only one with the skills to notice, could even be a random aquatintance. If I see struggles I won't ask "are you ok?" I will ask "what are you struggling with?" Not once but a 1000 times. I will ask "have you ever considered su***de?" I will take their hand and lead them to help.
Educate yourself, act on it. Be that literal lifeguard to your friends.
