Ava Rose, LCSW

07/03/2024

04/24/2024

Our nervous systems are designed to respond to stress and failure, and it’s these experiences that build resilience. The concept of nervous system regulation will be familiar to those interacting with the online mental health sphere. While greater awareness of the impact of chronic nervous system dysregulation is essential, it has become a buzzword and much of the nuance and meaning has been lost.

In the online world of well-being, regulation is often heralded as a state in which we should live our lives, but this is impossible. While it is important to reflect on environments, people, and triggers that contribute to activation and make choices, boundaries or changes in life to prioritise psychological safety, we cannot avoid activation entirely. A healthy nervous system rides waves of activation and returns to balance, or regulation, rather than remaining calm at all times.

Read more in our latest blog post:

✏️ https://khironclinics.com/blog/a-regulated-nervous-system-is-not-always-calm/

03/21/2023

01/03/2023

When you allow a child to figure out how to handle unpleasant emotions by themselves, you're increasing their ability to be flexible.

12/02/2022

There’s a genre of memes I call laziness memes. They come up with bizarre rationalizations to justify and normalize being lazy and not wanting to work.

11/26/2022

Remember when our emotions are high we are in survival mode. The ability to use our logical part of the brain is limited.

When emotions are overwhelming for us or our children, try and take a moment to calm before jumping in. That doesn’t mean that we don't do anything. It just means that we don't need to respond in that moment. Let's face it, when we do react in a moment of high emotion, it usually escalates the situation.

Remember things don't have to be perfect.

08/12/2022

“Nobody can control what has happened in the past which may have caused certain genes to switch on, but everyone has the power in this moment and going forward to choose their behavior and perspective which causes different genes to express themselves.”

Epigenetics is proving that trauma changes genes influencing mental health. The bad news is that it can be inherited. The good news is that it can be reversed.

08/08/2022

Explicit instruction can counter misconceptions that middle school students often have about what’s being conveyed through speech.

07/16/2022

Mental health advocates hope the new hotline will make it easier to get support if you're in crisis or helping someone who is. Here's how it works and what could stand in its way.

07/15/2022

06/07/2022

"I wanna share something my therapist said about ✨anger✨ that blew my mind:

'Your anger is the part of you that knows your mistreatment and abuse are unacceptable. Your anger knows you deserve to be treated well, and with kindness. Your anger is a part of you that LOVES you.'" —instagram.com/apocalynds

artwork by instagram.com/la___aura

🌻

YES. Our anger may be the most HONORABLE of our emotions. It shows up when we've been disrespected when our a personal boundary has been crossed. Anger is like an honorable guardian that shows up to restore our sense of wholeness.

🌻

Upcoming Artidote offline event:

DUBAI, I'm bringing the spirit of The Artidote to your city this Sunday, June 12, 2022. Join me for an intimate, fun, vulnerably-honest evening of inspiring story-telling peppered with practical tools to live a more fulfilling life.

Save your seats at the link in the bio ✨

It's the first time I visit the region and I can't wait to get to know you!

Snuggles,
Jovanny Ferreyra
Creator of The Artidote
Empowerment Coach

06/01/2022

“it is not just our desire for effortless quick-fix solutions that render these kinds of books so popular. Also important is our age-old striving for empowerment. The magical thinking advocated by thinkers of the mind-cure tradition feeds our yearning for omnipotence and invincibility, and for mastery over the material world. It hooks into our ancient desire to guard ourselves against the twin threats of vulnerability and loss of control.”

Ignoring reality and leaving too many feeling guilty.

05/05/2022

4. Truth-tellers.

04/28/2022

For those with Complex PTSD and dissociative disorders, sadly, the struggle is rarely limited to those conditions alone. Some studies have even shown survivors with C-PTSD averaging 4 comorbid conditions and being more likely to have one personality disorder. This is because they not only experienced trauma and/or abuse, but because of their young age and its chronic nature, their development as children was interrupted. These survivors have been left with an ambiguous sense of self and identity, and may've inherited a host of troubles from their primary caregivers — from genetic predispositions to other mental illnesses, to generational trauma, disordered eating, negative self-talk, self-destructive patterns, and so much more. Understandably, they will struggle well beyond posttraumatic symptoms alone.
Major depression, anxiety disorders and substance abuse are among some of the highest comorbidities seen in survivors of complex trauma. ‘Unexplained’ physical health conditions are also extremely common. This is not only frustrating, but can also add to the survivor's sense of hopelessness - often citing feeling like they have the worst luck or are being punished for something they did because so many things continue to go wrong. To add insult to injury, too often loved ones, acquaintances, or even medical professionals disbelieve them because it’s “not possible” to have so many diagnoses. Accusations of faking, attention-seeking and/or malingering quickly fly about after seeing the list of complications these survivors face. But, in all truth, it would be MORE rare and uncommon to have Complex PTSD or a dissociative disorder and little-to-nothing else. That would be a red flag. After you’ve disrupted the developmental foundation of a child’s mind, taught them tons of maladaptive coping behaviors, and altered their DNA through epigenetic changes, illness is bound to follow. In large quantities. It is common, and actually even a normal and natural response, for these survivors to have a vast constellation of medical and psychiatric conditions.
Because of this, finding a treatment team who is qualified, with a nuanced understanding of a childhood trauma survivor's neuropsychiatric needs is crucial. The major depression, disordered eating, substance abuse, self-harming behaviors, dissociation, ideation, and/or medical health concerns cannot be individually treated like they can in the general population. These concerns are wrapped around each other and woven into their trauma. You cannot treat one without the other and may even make them sicker attempting to do so in traditional settings and failing to respect the role trauma has played. We must tackle the concerns holistically; recognizing their complex nature, understanding how one issue begets another, and appreciating the layers upon layers of emotional and physical injury the survivor is trying to breathe beneath. We must and CAN lift them out, just carefully.
💗💛💚

04/21/2022

04/15/2022

The term gets thrown around a lot, but gaslighting is a very specific form of abuse.

03/29/2022

"I think another good thing I came to realize was that, in therapy, 'acceptance' doesn't mean that something is okay or good. To accept a situation or emotion means to understand that any amount of wishing it didn't happen, pretending it isn't happening, or regressing into maladaptive coping mechanisms will not effectively deal with what's going on. To accept is to acknowledge, to understand what is happening or what you're feeling and cope appropriately and healthily without self-judgement."
—pathologising.tumblr.com


artwork by Laura Makabresku

03/09/2022

Remembering too much, too vividly can negatively impact mental health.

03/04/2022

4. Truth-tellers.

01/04/2022

It’s not okay to tell victims how they should think and feel about the person (or group) who harmed them.

Telling other people how they should think and feel is a boundary violation.

And especially so in trauma or abuse recovery.

But it happens a lot. Especially when the victim expresses anger towards the person who hurt them.

Anger, viewed as a “negative” emotion, is perceived as a problem or flaw.

The truth is, it’s actually a positive milestone on the healing journey.

Anger is a healthy emotional response to abuse.

It signals that a boundary has been crossed.

But in many situations, it’s not safe for the victim to be angry during the abuse.

It’s only *after,* once the person has finally reached safety (which could take years), that the anger comes out.

And there is nothing wrong with it.

At long last, the healthy and appropriate anger is finally able to surface and be released.

And if it’s been kept down for a long time, don’t be surprised if it needs some time to fully discharge.

Finally, the person is feeling the outrage that can come when there is a little self-worth present!

But counselors, ministers, family, and friends, not knowing, often see the anger as a character problem, one that they believe will cause further harm if not quickly addressed.

So they push forgiveness.

Like, forgiveness is a “cure” one must apply to the problem of anger.

But when well-intentioned people tell victims to forgive instead of be angry, they are actually getting in the way of the healing process.

They’re putting a bandaid on a festering wound and calling it good.

Forgiveness, attempted before it’s time, doesn’t cure a thing.

Anger and outrage are a step along the healing path, one that can’t be bypassed. And it takes as long as it takes.

💛

But back to the concept of forgivensss.

Forgiveness is defined as a release of the anger, resentment, or debt owed.

Its not a term I use, due to the misuse of it, but I’ve watched it happen over and over. I think of it as unburdening.

When does it occur?

At the *very end.*

Organically.

During the very last stages of deep trauma work, something beautiful happens in the form of a gentle but powerful release.

These unscripted unburdenings (often accompanied by tears of joy) release the burdens of anger and injustice and all of the other heaviness that trauma leaves on a victim.

That’s right. It happens.

But not until the end.

Naturally.

After all of the abuse has been deeply validated, after all of the feelings have been thoroughly felt, after all of the story has been told.

Then and only then.

So we don’t have to tell victims to forgive.

Not only is it inappropriate, but it’s also not something that can be forced out of order.

When your loved one is ready to engage in trauma work or a similar healing practice, the release they need (whatever that is) will happen in its perfect time, in the way that is right for them.

❤️

Molly

PS. Follow this page for daily boundaries content 😊

PPS. My favorite modalities to use for deep trauma work are IFS and EMDR. If you are interested in finding a therapist who can do this level of trauma work with you, look for folks who’ve been trained in either one of these approaches.

12/28/2021

Are you getting your seven or eight hours of sleep a night — yet you still feel exhausted? Here’s why that could be happening, according to physician Saundra Dalton-Smith.

12/22/2021

“We are afraid to allow and validate our difficult feelings because we think that we will get stuck in them or that doing so will make us feel worse. We’re afraid, too, because we think that we shouldn’t have such feelings and that we’re bad for feeling what we shouldn’t feel. But, in reality, the more we say yes to our challenging feelings, and allow and acknowledge them, the more we can move through them and, thus, the less stuck we are in life. Paradoxically, the more we make room for what hurts, the better we feel. To acknowledge our feelings is to acknowledge what’s true, which always feels good, even when what’s true may not be good.”

The more we make room for what hurts, the better we feel.

12/17/2021

‎Show Overcoming Child Sexual Abuse ~ With Kathy Andersen, Ep The Body Holds The Keys - Dec 8, 2021

11/27/2021

“Civilization” starts with caring for others.

“Years ago, anthropologist Margaret Mead was asked by a student what she considered to be the first sign of civilization in a culture. The student expected Mead to talk about fishhooks or clay pots or grinding stones.

But no. Mead said that the first sign of civilization in an ancient culture was a femur (thighbone) that had been broken and then healed. Mead explained that in the animal kingdom, if you break your leg, you die. You cannot run from danger, get to the river for a drink or hunt for food. You are meat for prowling beasts. No animal survives a broken leg long enough for the bone to heal.

A broken femur that has healed is evidence that someone has taken time to stay with the one who fell, has bound up the wound, has carried the person to safety and has tended the person through recovery. Helping someone else through difficulty is where civilization starts, Mead said.

We are at our best when we serve others.”

Credit: Ira Byock