21/05/2024
Tracking someone down in South Africa is like playing a game of hide-and-seek with a ghost. Picture this: you’re armed with nothing but a vague memory of their face, a slightly fuzzy old photograph, and a phone number that’s as useful as a chocolate teapot. You begin your quest, fueled by determination and an irrational belief in your detective skills. "How hard could it be?" you muse, blissfully ignorant of the challenges ahead.
First stop: social media. You type in their name, and behold, a thousand profiles appear. Every single one seems to be either a catfish, a teenager with an impressive collection of selfies, or someone who might actually be your long-lost friend but is now rocking a new identity as a professional llama whisperer in the Karoo. You send messages to a few promising leads and get nothing but tumbleweeds in return.
Next, you attempt the age-old method of calling around. The phone number you have leads you on a wild goose chase through a maze of automated messages and hold music that could double as a medieval torture device. When you finally reach a human, they cheerfully inform you that you've reached the wrong department, and by the way, have you tried turning it off and on again?
Desperation kicks in, and you decide to visit some likely spots. You trek through bustling markets, vibrant townships, and serene coastal towns, asking anyone who’ll listen. The responses range from helpful but clueless to hilariously off-topic. “Oh yes, I knew a guy like that once,” says one elderly man. “He used to sell the best biltong. Or was it his cousin? No, definitely the guy with the biltong. Haven’t seen him in years, though. Good luck!”
After days of fruitless searching, you find yourself sitting alone on a bench, gazing at the horizon. The sun sets, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. You sigh, realizing that South Africa is vast, its people are many, and sometimes, no matter how hard you try, some souls are destined to remain elusive. As darkness falls, you clutch that old photo and whisper into the night, “Where are you?”
