04/05/2015
Such a lovely piece
THE SOUND OF DISTANT THUNDER
Give yourself to the first light of dawn, or the crack in the supermarket wall, or the blackbird laying her eggs, or the sound of distant thunder. Give yourself to life in her myriad forms, to every breath, to the pounding of the heart as it awakens to freedom, to the majesty of the mountains, to your very own body. Give all of yourself, and life will give all of herself in return, for she is a sacred mirror.
Sink into the depths of your aloneness, where the world sings only for you, where, in the place of loneliness, you find this heart-breaking connection with all of creation. You were born with your heart open, you were born wide open to life, sensitive to even the subtlest movements, but you learned to turn away from your sensitivity. They taught you how to build a solid self, shut down from the vastness of experience, filter your world through thought, numb yourself to the gift of feeling.
And it became unbearable to shut off from the mystery in this way, and through depression, or stress, or fear, or illness, or a shattered dream or a broken heart, or sheer exhaustion with the old way, life called you back to herself, and called herself back to you. Back to the first light of dawn, or the crack in the supermarket wall, or the sound of distant thunder, but now held in your tender embrace, nourished with your attention.
She did not forget you.
You were never able to work it all out, friend, and that was your victory. You never knew, and that was your innocence, not your pathology. You have remained a child of the universe, eyes wide open, unwilling to conform to anyone’s image, unwilling to pretend, or settle for anything less than the kind of love that softens stone.
You always had a YES to all of it. Not just the happy stuff, not just the wanted, but the heartbreak too, and the despair, and the shame, and the doubt. All of these were your children, and you their loving parent. And sometimes you stumbled, yes, and sometimes you doubted yourself, and sometimes there was nobody to turn to in your doubting, but you learned to love the stumbling and the doubts, and you learned to trust the times when you couldn’t trust, and you found the wanted in the unwanted, and you kept going.
You have been given another day with yourself. Another day to stay close to yourself as you walk this precious earth, as you breathe, eat, connect or do not connect with loved ones or strangers, who are not strangers when it comes to the heart. And it all comes to the heart. And you take the next step, speak the next word or stay silent for now, and the Sun is still the same Sun, a day older perhaps, but constant in its shining, as you remain constant in your commitment to never abandon yourself again for another, never turn away from the precious gift you have been given, the gift of knowing, and knowing that you do not need to know anything else, except perhaps the first light of dawn, or the sound of distant thunder, or the way it feels to be alive, and ready, and willing.
- Jeff Foster