03/23/2024
James G. Exum III, A Pirate Soul
James Gooden Exum, III came first. He was five years ahead of me and 7 years ahead of Mary. Everyone called him “Gooden.” He was a big beautiful baby. For those first five years, Gooden was my mom's universe. As a talented amateur photographer, Dad effortlessly captured Gooden’s good looks in countless black and white photos. My grandmother, Edwina, painted James portrait. Mom arranged for at least three formal portrait sessions with a professional photographer all before Gooden hit the first grade. A lot of pride and joy was poured into Jim and Judy’s beautiful first born, Gooden.
When I came along, Gooden showered me, his “little brother” with BIG brother pride. He did the same with little sister Mary. He loved us and he took on the role of protector early. When I was about 4 years old, mom took us all to nearby swimming pool. Mom sat poolside with our baby sister, Mary, and James and I meandered off looking for the snack-bar. James walked the sidewalk, and I tight rope walked on top of a 5 foot retaining wall next to him trying to be daring, trying to impress him. I lost my footing and fell off the wall headfirst when James caught me right before my head cracked the sidewalk. I think he saved my life. A couple of years later, Gooden and I were in the backseat of mom’s car when my coat got caught in the closed door. This was before we wore seatbelts. As mom rounded a curve, I opened the door to free my coat. The door swung open and inertia started pulling me out. Gooden snatched me back inside before I became roadkill. Not only was brother James handsome, but now he saved lives. He saved mine TWICE. To me he had hero status. I wanted to be just like him and I followed him everywhere.
In fact, my brother convinced me to run away with him on a bicycle. It wasn’t because he was upset Nora. It was more out of Wanderlust curiosity. So I said, sure. We took mom‘s bike because it had a child seat that I could ride in. But I didn’t want mom to worry so I convinced my big brother to leave a note that we were running away and that we would be OK. Of course mom panicked, got in the car and and drove like a bat out of hell all over the neighborhood looking for us. She found us about a mile from the house. She was mad, I mean livid. She screamed at us … “Go straight home, go to our room and you are both going to get a spanking.” I was paranoid. Gooden played it cool, he told me not to worry, he had an idea. When we got back to the house, he said, “Steven, JUST put on lots underwear and put your pants back on quick!” Mom walked in a minute later, and pulled out a giant yardstick and paddled us both. Then she started crying and said she was sorry for spanking us and told us she loved us and “Never run away again! At this point we could not contain our brilliance and we burst out laughing telling her the spankings didn’t hurt because of all our underwear we wore! Then showed it her. She cracked huge smile and started half laughing and half crying with us. She hugged us both and that was the end of it.
We moved to Raleigh when my brother was around 10 years old. About this time he announced he was tired of his baby name, “Gooden” He asked us all to call him “James,” claiming his first name was “cooler” than Gooden. He was right, the name “James” was cool.
THINK … JAMES DEAN, JAMES BROWN or JAMES BOND
When James was a teenager my family started watching the sitcom “Happy Days.” Everybody loved the character, “Fonzie”played by Henry Winkler. Aurthor Fonzarelli was a leather coat clad, motorcycle riding undeniable badass and a girl magnet. I can’t say it was intentional to emulate, I can’t say James even realized it, but no one can tell me that my brother wasn't cool like the Fonz.
James was also a charmer. He had a captivating smile, cute dimples, and the world's greatest curly hair. From an early age, I noticed that girls noticed him. He seemed to find a new girlfriend on every family vacation. This, sadly, was not my experience as his “little brother.” At 6’3” he loved calling me “little brother.” I idolized his bad boy persona and his early success with girls.
James got all the looks and a whole lot of the charm. He had a cool aura that was undeniable. He was very proud to be an Exum even going so far as to tattoo our family crest to his bicep. I mean, what could mom say? If you were to walk into James’s place in Burlington today, you would see family photos everywhere, shelves packed with photo albums, and portraits of his grand parents and great grand parents on the walls. You would find a painting of the Marchmont house, an old homestead in Rowan County built by my mom’s people. You would see American flags, civil war rifles, and framed prints of the Jamison family crest and the Exum Family crest. He proudly displays a 3 foot by 4 foot photo replica of a painting of the Honorable Chief Justice James Gooden Exum, Jr. A.K.A “Dad” and James’s name sake. James was proud to be an Exum and a Jamison, proud to be an American, and proud of his southern heritage
James loved music. He was a DAMN good drummer and he took me to my first rock concert , Bruce Springsteens’ Born in the USA tour. To this day I measure all rock concert performances based on that show in the Greensboro Coliseum. The Boss played for more than 4 hours with at least 3 encores. James introduced me to Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, Van Morison, The Who, Kiss and a quirky North Carolina Mountain fiddle player named Mike Cross. I still know the words to many of Mike Cross’s songs: Liquor In The Well, the Lord Will provide, and Elma Turl was a Beautiful Girl thanks to James.
James loved the outdoors and he loved hiking & back packing. He had a lifelong passion for motorcycles and he loved the long distance road trip. James and dad rode their bikes coast to coast, they toured Alaska, they crisscrossed Ireland and made countless trips through the winding roads of our North Carolina mountains. Motorcycling and the camaraderie of his biker brothers brought James great joy and his band of bike riders great laughter and fun. James had a pirates’s wander lust for travel, adventure and a great party.
PAUSE …. Soften
James also had his demons. Too much of his adult life was spent battling an alcohol addiction. Yes James was flawed. While remembering our relationship to James, I’ll bet many of us here can match a heartwarming memory with a heartbreaking one. James had a temper. James had a short fuse. CS Lewis once said “Anger is the fluid that love bleeds when you cut it.” Let me read that again and then I am going to pause while you think about it and think about James.
ANGER … IS THE FLUID … THAT LOVE BLEEDS … WHEN YOU CUT IT.
If you knew James. If you were ever close to James. You knew what it was like to be loved by James. You likely felt his anger a time or two, also. As we all sit here and remember him, please do so with a bit of grace. Honor his memory with compassion knowing just how deeply human he was. How sensitive he was. Know that his emotions ran very deep. If James could be here at this very moment, I KNOW he would give the loudest toast to a life lived fully and then roar with laughter with all of us here celebrating him.
I like to believe right now James is riding a Harley Davidson or maybe a BMW enduro MOTORCYCLE over the rainbow into some new uncharted terrain. Roll on with your Pirate Soul Brother James! We Love you and we’ll see you on the other side.
YOUR little brother!
My big brother James Gooden passed away recently. He was 59. I hope to collect my thoughts soon and make a better post reflecting on his life and his passion...
