Maxwell Newton & Rackstraw

08/02/2022

This is a useful tool in identifying the key steps needed to transform shame with self compassion.

If one is mired in shame, it is often difficult to find a way out of it. The very idea of being kind to oneself can feel undeserved and uncomfortable.

Please seek support to assist you if you are living with shame that is weighing you down.

24/12/2021

We recognize that this is a challenging time for many and it is often the time that we neglect those self care practices that we need the most.
Take extra care of yourself with extra self compassion if you are feeling low and vulnerable during this period.
And please reach out for support if needed.

13/11/2021

Stress and anxiety are one of the dominant themes that are present for many of our clients.

These four key strategies are a useful tool kit for assisting us to shift our relationship with anxiety away from fear and worry.

Please contact us or a mental health provider if your anxiety feels overwhelming and unmanageable.

02/08/2021

An excellent summary from Dr Solomon highlighting the way our past influences our present in relationships. The first step in changing these dances, is to be aware of the patterns.

We are the sum total of the experiences that brought us to this very moment. The past comes with us. When we fall in love, our past gets stirred within us. ⁣
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There is NO getting around that. ⁣
It's necessary vulnerability. ⁣
It's part of the process. ⁣
It happens. ⁣
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The ONLY questions, is what will you DO when your past is stirred~~ when ghosts from long ago threaten to shift you from open to closed, from loving to afraid, from calm to controlling. ⁣
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The most important quality to look for in a partner is someone who can sit with you in that stir... ⁣
your stir AND their stir. ⁣
Choose someone who is ready, willing, and able to recognize when their past takes the wheel and begins to drive. ⁣
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You will be, as my brilliant friend Esther says, cast in a play that you didn't audition for. That is going to happen…⁣
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You'll ask him to throw the laundry into the dryer, and you'll watch him bristle. ⁣
And you won’t know why. ⁣
And the question is this: Can he be courageous enough to PAUSE, turn his attention inward, and figure out why your request triggers him? ⁣
Can he say some version of this: "Ahh... it's my childhood wound getting in our way again. You know, one in which I 'cast' you in the role of my demanding father in whose eyes I could never measure up. That's not what you're doing, is it? You need some help. You feel stressed out. I can help. Here I am. Here for you." ⁣
And you will both exhale.⁣
And connection will be restored.⁣
And the little boy who felt like he never measured up recedes to the background and the empowered adult reaches for his partner in the service of love.⁣
And you will say, “Thank you for owning your piece of our dance. I commit to doing the same when the little boy/girl/child who lives in me gets stirred.”⁣
⁣
(Choose the pronouns that fit the protagonists of your love story 🥰)⁣
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That's the best we can do.... work again and again to liberate ourselves and our partners from wounds we didn't ask for but are tasked to heal.

19/05/2021

So much of our mental health starts with self care and compassion.

What does your self care look like in practice?

18/05/2021

Just a reminder .....
Your mental health matters.

04/09/2020

Feeling emotionally numb from lockdown?

We have been aware that many of our clients at Maxwell Newton & Rackstraw have been expressing the sense of feeling numb at the moment. Further , there is a real sense that many of us are struggling to engage with this life that is so different to that which we had previously been accustomed.

My wonderful partner, Jade, reminds us in this gentle video that “our bodies keep score” (Bessel van der Kolk) of the trauma we have been through.

At a time like this, when we have all been confronted with various levels of corona related trauma, it is even more important than ever to come back to our bodies.

Many of us are so caught up in our heads that we forget to nurture our bodies.

Jade manages the humorous background of intruding cow noises to remind us all of some basic skills in getting back into our bodies:

- Get out into nature
- Breathe!
- Break down the overwhelm into bite size chunks
- Take one step at a time, one day at a time
- Exercise, do yoga, walk barefoot
- Let that nurturing voice come through
- Turn down the volume of your critical inner voice
- Be kind and compassionate to yourself

We have noticed a theme this past week that people are feeling numb. We often feel numb when we are overwhelmed by the prospects of what lie ahead. To combat...

02/09/2020

There is so much wisdom in this deceptively simple message from Poonam Sapra.

Sometimes we need assistance from others to work out why we allow others to unnecessarily control our emotions and how to restore our own equilibrium.

Chat to one of the Counsellors at Maxwell Newton and Rackstraw if this is something that resonates with you.

26/08/2020

Our self soothing behaviours are often trying to placate uncomfortable feelings as a result of past trauma. Vanessa Watson in collaboration with The Gottman Institute lists what some of these trauma blocking behaviours may look like.

18/08/2020

Coping at another level

As we move to another level of lockdown in South Africa, you may have conflicting emotions. There may be both joy as well as fear, excitement as well as anxiety, anticipation as well as depression.

This might be an important time to reflect both on what we now look forward to re-engaging in, as well as what this experience has highlighted in terms of changes we might like to integrate into our future life.

As always, do reach out for support if needed.

Moving to another level in lockdown may harness several emotions: turmoil and fear; joy and freedom. Many of us had to muster up the courage and use all or most of our emotional energy to survive through this traumatic period. Many had to deal with feelings of mourning and grief due to the loss of f...

16/08/2020

Such a good reminder for us all to be aware of our own triggers and to be able to separate these from the present moment.

The inner child is in each of us.

In the moments we lash out, fear abandonment, or shut down completely.

So often these moments with partners (feel) so intense in the present moment, because we are re-experiencing the trauma of our past. The moments we weren’t seen. Weren’t considered. Weren’t heard.

The moments when we felt unloved, helpless, or afraid.

Understanding your partners trauma is a love language.

It says, “I know you’ve experienced wounding. I know people have let you down. Betrayed your trust. Or left you to deal with emotions you weren’t capable of processing.” I can witness these parts of you + you can witness these parts of me.

Our ego sees our partners actions as entirely personal. It sees everything our partners do as a reflection of who we are, or who we are not. If we aren’t aware of the ego, we place demands. We punish. We control from a space of fear. We repeat the same cycle of behaviors to our partners that our parents did to us as children.

Our work is to become conscious of our own trauma, our own triggers, our own ego fears. This allows us to hold space for someone else’s.

Conscious relationships are a pathway to healing, where two partners aren’t looking to be happy or ‘completed.’

It’s a relationship practice of creating a safe space of evolution to be seen, heard, authentically expressed

28/07/2020

It is useful to remind ourselves how living in a global pandemic continues to effect our thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

These responses are all normal within our present reality.

But if you are struggling, reach out to your support system for help or see a counsellor to assist you.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CDLT3J7Jgbx/?igshid=jb4mxeydmhxh

19/07/2020

https://www.instagram.com/p/CCvB7e5JLo9/?igshid=xjtmfd8qgayt

One of the corona lockdown effects we are increasingly seeing in our practice at Maxwell Newton & Rackstraw is the growing number of clients who are feeling burnt out.

Whereas prior to corona burnout might have been primarily experienced in cases of high achievers and perfectionists, the excessive and prolonged stress of lockdown is leading to feelings of overwhelm, a sense of being emotionally drained and fatigued, and an inability to meet constant demands.

This is a hugely challenging time for us all. It is more critical than ever to prioritize your mental health.

If you are struggling to find your equilibrium and are feeling overwhelmed, please reach out for support.

22/06/2020

One of the issues that cause significant distress for many of us is the fact that we often rely on behavioural patterns that no longer serve us.

Whilst their purpose was to protect us, they now contribute to anxiety and distress.

If you recognize you need assistance in identifying these self limiting practices and developing new patterns of behaviour, give one of the Counsellors at Newton & Rackstraw a call or email us for an appointment.

We are working online and in person for urgent cases.

21/05/2020

Clinginess And Separation Anxiety Are The COVID-19 Problems No One Saw Coming

An interesting read looking at the clinginess and separation anxiety that many younger as well as older children are experiencing during this global pandemic.

Toddlers and teens alike can't seem to leave parents alone. Here's what's behind it, and how to deal.

11/05/2020

Coping with lockdown

We focus here on one of the central questions at the moment - how do we live with uncertainty?
What coping skills can we use to help us manage this period where everything about the future seems so uncertain?
We look at a couple of techniques that could be used.

10/05/2020

Thinking of you this Mother's Day.

25/04/2020

It's Saturday! Here are some lockdown date night questions from The Gottman Institute.

24/04/2020

Is humour ok in a crisis?

I love the video presently doing the rounds of our president laughing at himself and suggesting he should open a TV channel on how to put on masks. He knows we were laughing with him, with respect and admiration and not at him.
But the issue of using humour as a coping mechanism, and whether it’s ok, is particularly relevant today. Thanks to my partner Jade Maxwell Newton for expressing this so well.

Is humour ok in a crisis?

During this global Pandemic it may be helpful to recognize we all have different coping mechanisms and accept that one person's way of coping is different to mine. There can also be great value in using humour. Have you ever been in the throws of a passionate argument and something happen to make you both laugh? That laughter has the power to defuse the tension and change the course of that conflict.

https://youtu.be/CrNCWKiYsvQ

During this global Pandemic it may be helpful to recognize we all have different coping mechanisms and accept that one person's way of coping is different to...

22/04/2020

NOW OFFERING ONLINE COUNSELLING.

If you haven't worked therapeutically online before, it doesn't take long to adjust.

All you need:

- a device (computer, tablet or phone)

- an internet connection / mobile data

- An app such as Zoom, Skype or WhatsApp video

- a private space

14/04/2020

Lockdown life lessons.

How are you coping with lockdown? MNR share some of the insights we have gathered from our counselling sessions during this period.

01/04/2020

One day closer.

31/03/2020

It's ok to grieve all the losses.

23/03/2020

These are very anxiety provoking and overwhelming times as none of us are certain what the future holds. We are however a nation of resilient survivors and we will get through this 21 day challenge together !! We encourage you to stay in contact with loved ones throughout this time to ensure good mental health, decrease anxiety and avoid depression and emotional isolation. Even though we are being asked to socially distance ourselves physically for the safety of all the vulnerable in South Africa, we can remain emotionally connected and support each other through this time.
Please be assured that MNR Counsellors are here for you and we encourage you to reach out if you are feeling either physically or emotionally unwell.
Online counselling sessions are available via Skype, WhatsApp and Zoom. ......_umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu..._ is a Nguni Bantu term meaning "humanity." It is often translated as "I am because we are," or "humanity towards others," or in Xhosa,"umntu ngumntu ngabantu " but is often used in a more philosophical sense to mean "the belief in a universal bond of sharing that connects all humanity." Let’s stay connected and support each other.

22/03/2020

𝐀𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐮𝐬

@𝐌𝐚𝐱𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐍𝐞𝐰𝐭𝐨𝐧 & 𝐑𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐰 recognize that most of us are being, and will continue to be, flooded by information about the coronavirus.
Most people are also experiencing high levels of anxiety which we are particularly aware of in our practice. In response, we have summarized what we perceive to be the best advice from experts around the world.

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐲?

• Recognise that all of us are experiencing higher levels of anxiety than normal. For most people, this 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐬 with peaks when we are triggered and dips when we feel more distracted and calmer.
• Recognise that each day - as new information becomes available - we are probably going to have to 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞.
• Although more information feels scary and anxiety provoking, recognise that more knowledge is actually 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐮𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝. There will be an end.

𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐨?

• It is important to recognize that our natural reactions to fear and danger result in 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 in our body – in particular cortisol and adrenalin.
• Therefore all of us are likely to be having something that “𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭” – that is a normal response to fear and anxiety. Unfortunately these natural responses to anxiety can feel similar to some of the symptoms of coronavirus – for example: difficulty in catching our breath, feel like your chest is tightening , heart palpitations, feeling sweaty, feeling jittery.
• Focus on what you 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐥.

• 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐩 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐥 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐝𝐲
• All of your own 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 – for example yoga, breathing, meditation, exercise, sleep, time with animals, music, reading etc – are particularly critical at this time.
• In addition, experts suggest creating a 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐰 of a set period of time daily (daily or twice daily) where you set aside time to familiarize yourself with reliable information. Information is power but ensure your information sources are reliable.
• We need to 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐬. Therefore allow yourself to indulge in those activities that absorb you. You have permission now to do so 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭!
• 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 your worries and concerns with others
• Establish and Focus on 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞. Again, this is something that helps to contain our stress hormones and is something you DO have control over. Sleep is a critical part of this routine.
• 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐨𝐮𝐭 to others where you can – this could be to respond to practical or emotional needs of others.
• As much as you can, take the attitude that you will face whatever comes. 𝐀𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 is key

22/03/2020

MNR counsellors provide online counselling sessions.
To book your session contact [email protected] +27833440245
+27 78 091 1502

22/03/2020

Some wise words from Brenè Brown.

15/03/2020

Maxwell Newton & Rackstraw will remain open until further notice.

In light of the recent escalation of Covid-19 we would like to update you on the precautions we are taking, and to ask of you the following:

If you have recently returned from any overseas destinations, please make sure to inform your counsellor and your session can be retained as an online session through Skype or WhatsApp Call.

If you are feeling unwell, please avoid coming in until you are fully recovered as we see over 100 clients each week. These clients include many who are elderly or children and many clients who have compromised or weaker immune systems.

We are, as per our usual protocol, adhering to the strictest hygiene standards.

To ensure your safety, we would like to ask all clients to bring their own water bottles.

For those clients who would prefer to have an online rather than in person session - please contact your counsellor to arrange for the session to be conducted online.

Thanks so much for understanding. Please be assured that your health and safety remain our priority at all times and collectively we can all join together to preserve the health of as many at risk South Africans as possible.

Warm regards, Cath and Jade.

15/03/2020

Maxwell Newton & Rackstraw will remain open until further notice.

Online counselling sessions are available via Skype and WhatsApp.