05/06/2021
This is a funny little thing someone wrote describing the little beach towns along 30A that I thought I would share. Enjoy!
The Towns of 30A - By Jordan Crowder
Are we an island? Not really… Are we a town? Maybe… A city? Probably not… How many people live on 30A? Somewhere between 300 and 150,000. Where is Santa Rosa Beach? Is that what the whole area is called, or just a part of it…what about — Hey! Stop with all the questions! You are acting like this is a normal place with definitions and lines. Well, grab a Grouper taco and a seat in the sand and lets go on a trip down the ‘A’ (no one really calls it that) and buckle up, unless you are on a golf cart, and then you don’t need to buckle up, because nothing bad can ever happen on a golf cart…or on vacation in general…lets go!
Dune Allen
Ah, the beginning of 30A…or the end…an unidentified section that connects that one gas station to Gulf Place. There is a school there that has waaaay too many kids in it and people will start lining up to get their kids hours before school is out…a big red flag that the school is weird and these parents have too much time.
**Pro Tip*** Time it to where you are the very last car, and you can simply swing on in as the teachers are about to head in with the one sad child (your kid), as they curse the horrible parent you are, only to see your Honda Odyssey carve through those cones, almost come to a stop and beautifully capture your kid as you speed away, not wasting one minute of your day with a rare victory of procrastination and domination.
Dune Allen is home to 1.5 restaurants and is…well, honestly, no one knows what Dune Allen is…so, lets move on…
Gulf Place
The vibrant corner of 30A and 393…Gulf Place is a small but active community attached to the largest public beach access on 30A, Ed Walline. The fun mix of public and private beaches gives way to a delightful mix of eclectic beachgoers, the occasional homeless dude taking a public shower, tons of locals and real beach activities like beach volleyball, paddle board races and at least one person swimming in their jeans.
Blue Mountain Beach
Our next stop down paradise lane takes us to the most normal place on the A (again, no one calls it this)…a place where you can actually raise a family in a regular neighborhood. With a grand total of 23 houses, 4 street lights and no sidewalks, Blue Mountain Beach is the perfect place to let those kids go free while you relax on your 2 foot wide porch and watch tourists ride by on golf carts starring at you as if you are in some sort of weird human zoo thing…(are we?!?).
Grayton Beach
Undeniably the best part of the A (stop calling it that!), Grayton is a quirky mix of beautiful landscapes and blurry locals, sidestepping all the glitz and glamour, and harkening back to the simple times. To be accepted here, it helps if you can say things like ‘I’ve lived here a long time’ or ‘my jeep has that sticker’ or ‘I play guitar and have already had 7 shots of Jager’. Grayton is a place where art upends fashion, trucks line the beach, locals call the shots and the fun is put into funky. Visit Grayton Beach State Park at sunset to see every stay at home mom photographer in the panhandle at once, nightly from March to September.
Watercolor
Passing the iconic tall pines of Grayton Beach, your Camry will transform into a Mercedes as you enter the posh and pristine Watercolor (pinkies out). Seaside’s step child, Watercolor is a beautifully crafted area that literally wraps around Seaside in an ever going attempt to eventually devour its rival. Nature trails wind through beautiful neighborhoods, gorgeous parks and water features dot the landscape, and if you are one of the chosen ones, you can actually go to the beach.
Seaside
S**t. I mean, we want to love you Seaside, but you make it so hard to. An absolutely iconic and amazing little town, the site of the Truman Show movie and countless adolescent crimes. Visit Seaside in the off-season to appreciate all the architectural beauty and brilliance of the new urbanism design. Visit again during spring break or summer to see what it would be like if Beverly Hills had a baby with a mall, and that baby had a baby with an as***le.
Seagrove Beach
Whew, after a 3 hour trip through one block we arrive at the OG of the A (ugh, stop it!). Seagrove is home to most real locals, the tallest and ugliest buildings on the A (really!?!) and is easily the largest town on the…30A (now you’re just messing with me). Some of 30A’s best restaurants and shops are here, as well as a ton of great public beach accesses. It’s quaint, it’s original, and it is awesome. Donate to ‘Build A Wall Around Seaside’ so it can stay that way.
Watersound Beach
Houses and the HUB. Yea, that is pretty much it.
Alys Beach
A simply stunning architectural dream, inspired by the white stucco of Bermuda and the outdoor living of Southern California, Alys Beach is the most beautiful ghost town in America. Take a Walking Dead-esque stroll down the adorable cobble stones, as you are whisked away by security for taking pictures. A gated community without a gate or soul, Alys Beach truly is a remarkable place that makes zero sense and has no point. But it is really pretty.
Seacrest Beach
A half acre or so with some shops. We really didn’t even need to mention it…why are we still talking about it?
Rosemary Beach
Ahh, Rosemary Beach…a whimsical fairytale reminiscent of old world Europe with just a splash of southern racism. Leave Mississippi behind and pretend you are a Kardashian for a week as you live it up in this utopia of world class shopping, fine dining and an impressive rate of 7 bikes per 1 person.
Well folks, I hope you enjoyed your tour of 30A. Next we will explore the other parts of our great area here. Like Destin, where you go to get into an accident and Lowe’s. See you soon on the A!
